How do I know my 18mth child's happy at nursery?

[kirstykoo]

Hello everyone

My baby/boy has started at nursery- 3 weeks ago. He only goes 2 days a week, but I've started a new job, which is long hours.

We went through the settle-in period, and he started properly last week. I've noticed though he's more tearful, clingy with me. He was notably calmer on the day my mum looked after him last week.

I've found the process really stressful, and been really upset + cried heaps. But how do I know if he's just adjusting or he's genuinely unhappy? He was tearful too at nursery today, which is totally unlike him.

Had flaming row with hubby last night, he thinks I'm overreacting, and any upset is being away from me, and not the fault of the nursery.

If he is just settling in- how long do I leave it?

I can't fault the nursery, but know he's not getting as much attention as he once did.

Please can anyone advise?

Ds started nursery 3 days a week at 1 year. I'd say it took about a month to properly settle and not get upset when I dropped him off in the mornings but I took comfort in what the nursery told me about his day and that he was happy after I'd left. Also, he was happily playing when I came to pick him up.

Now of course, 2 years on, he can talk to me about his day and I know he's happy.

I think the shorter the period they go for (and also hugely variable from child to child) the longer it can take to settle as there is a larger gap between sessions - ie he has 5 days away from nursery and then he's back.

It's horrible the settling in period so I do really feel for you.

Settling in varies from child to child, some take to the change straight away, others can take a good few weeks / months, especially if there's a long gap during sessions.

Would it be possible for you to go with DS on some of the days you don't work and stay with him for an hour or two? it may help him settle and you can help him make some little friends, you mentioned that you were very upset at having to leave him, it's important not to cry or show any upset in front of him, children so easily pick up on parents anxiety. I know it's hard when DD started nursery I sat in the car park sobbing until her settling in time finished, but tried to be all cheery and excited about the whole thing with her. So I feel your

Thanks for your words.

I just can't work out if he's happy. He is definitely calmer the days my mum looks after him. I also am unsure whether a childminder option maybe better for him? How do I know?

You generally get a feel for the nursery after a while. DD is 22 months and she goes once, sometimes twice a week. She's too young to tell me if she's happy. In fact she screams blue murder when I drop her off. But I know how I feel about the staff and how DH says she is when he picks her up.

Of course he's not getting as much attention but he's seeing other little children and certainly in DD's case, she's doing messy, creative stuff that I just don't get time to do with her at home. It's hard leaving her but I know that she's fine once I'm out of sight.

It may take a while for him to settle in - it will also take a while for you to settle in to your new job hence the tears and stress - it will realistically take months before you are all used to the new routine.

He is probably more tired when he has been to nursery because there is so much more going on there and it will take a lot of getting used to - 18 months is a common age for clinginess etc so I wouldn't worry too much about that.

this is one area where husbands generally can be calmer about the issues as they don't seem to be as affected by the whole stress/guilt thing that working mums put on themselves.

You just need to give it time and try not to get too worked up about it as this will have a counter effect on the situation.

Is it possible for dh to drop off or pick up? this helped me loads.

good luck with it all