new at nursery, issues- is this normal?

[blueberrysorbet]

my ds is 2.5 and just started at nursery. he has only had me or my dh look after him ever and has been potty trained for 3 months.
he has been going for a couple of hours in the morning to get used to it. He will only go 3 times a week for about 3-4 hours a morning but some things are making me feel i should just have him at home - i am a sahm and have a 6 month old and i am quite happy to have ds at home, just my dh thinks nursery will be good for him.

• he asked to go to loo but they didnlt take him at once so he had to wait and he wet himself. He has never wet himself so i was really upset about that.

• he has started throwing screaming fits if i say "no" and being really aggressive with me and the baby i slapping and kicking- he has never been like this before and its scary.

• his talking is going backwards- he was talking at 17months and very fluent - he has started not finishing sentances and just pointing when he wants something

-he has started talking with his mouth full and making a ridiclous humming noise when eating which he has never done before and it drves me insane. he is only there for snacks!

is this sort of change normal? how do i hhandle it?

He has prob picked the humming and the talking with his mouthful from his peers at nursery, although working in a nursery we try and teach good manners, they still all influence each other and bad habits are passed through the children.

Personally if a child is potty trained we tend to send them into the toilet themselves, but sometimes children do have to wait,an accidents can happen, unless he is really upset about it, i would prob let that one go.

His tantrums and behaviour may be down to going to nursery and knowing mummy is at home with the baby, he maybe very angry at you and the baby, he is prob very use to having you around and his whole world has changed quite dramaticly over the last few months so its not unusual for him to react in such a way, also he is only little although children do tend to react well to most situations he may be feeling uspet and as he is only little can not express him self verbally.

How is he at nursery? has he settled well?

can you spend some special one on one time with at home, and help him feel include when doing things with the baby.

Nursery can be very positive experience for children , but its up to you whether your child is gaining anything from it.

hth

thanks- the baby is 5 months old and he has always been lovely with her. he has always helped with her and plays around her involving her with his games. we cook together, draw and paint together- i am a sahm so i told him when he is at nursery i can do all the crap jobs that stop me plaing with him, and i tell him dd sleeps the whole time. he is ok with that i think as he does get cross when i have to leave him to paint or something and tidy the kitchen etc!

agree re the wetting, though it does make me cross as he is anxious now and wet himself today he isn;t allowed to go alone as there are a couple of heavy doors.

at nursery- he didn;t cry the first few times but last time was hysterical and clung onto me. she said to just leave but it was awful... he also told dh that i left him alone at nursery, although i say v clearly here is miss and she will take care of you.

he has attached himself to miss and she says he just wants to be with her. the other kids seem to play quite happily with toys but he wants to do role play with her and drawing ie he/she draws a shape and he tells her what it is and vice versa and chats away merrily. he just seems to be re creating being at home with her. the other kids aren't really talking yet so he gets frustrated with them.

i just don;t know what to do for the best for all of us?

What age group is your DS with? I'm very that the other children arn't talking properly if they are similar ages he is probably attached himself to "miss" as she is the only one he can communicate properly with. I agree that he seems to playing out his time at home with his new carer, but this is a sign of how happy and secure he is, and he's trying to recreate this environment there.

Check which group he is with, and if the staff have completed his initial assessment yet they may consider moving him into the next age group where the activities may well be more stimulating and he can talk to his peers, therefore become less reliant on staff.

Re the attaching himself to 'miss' - he is used to one-to-one attention and it sounds like he doesn't play by himself at home either as you mention he gets cross if you leave him to do something else. At 2.5 children very often don't play together but play alongside each other, they usually start playing with each other after about the age of 3.

Try and encourage him to play without you at home (without him getting cross about it), he will soon start to venture a bit further than 'misses' side. If you feel that playgroup is not working at the moment and you don't want to persist then imo I would take him out and have him at home and try playgroup again around the age of 3ish. I feel that children start so early these days - it's not that long ago that children didn't go at all until 3 (talking playgroup here, rather than nursery day care). A few friends have started their children early (around 2.5) and from what I've seen there do seem to be more problems at this age than with 3 year olds. 6 months might not seem that much but at this age there is quite a difference.

thanks this is so helpful- the other children can be up to 3.5 but think he is in with his peer group on the days he goes( 2- 2.5yrs) but they are not talking properly, so agree he has only one person he can talk to! i feel as well he is too little to go anyway.
plan to talk to the school and drop his days to 2 not 3 and find out a bit more what he doing when there.. tbh if he is just alone playing with toys/ painting he might as well be at home doing stuff or at a toddler group with me. its not like he;s a pain or anything

i really don;t want to make a fuss and be nightmare mum, is it a usual problem? i would prefer just to slot in really but i want him to at least get something out of being there that is positive.

It sounds like you are doing enough with your son at home so why send him to nursery when you are at home?

I know a lot of people send their child at an early age to nurseries while they are at home for the 'socialisation' aspect but as somebody else has mentioned, children don't really worry about that because they don't actually start playing together until around 3-4 and even then they prefer a lot of time alone.

As long as you are getting out and about with him that's all he needs. I would wait until he is 3 and a half. (This is from my experience of doing this for my own 3 by the way).

Also, if he has been potty trained for a few months he will go backwards if he starts to have to wet himself. Two and a half is too young (I think anyway) to go to the toilet by yourself without adult supervision).

I think that a lot of Mum's persist and spend several months ironing out problems, when it would have been easier really to sit back and realise that their child may be too young and that it won't hurt them not to have the 'social' aspect of nursery for a few months yet, it would save you the few months of sorting out problems and things may well go more smoothly at the age of 3 - though I can't promise that it will

And why give yourself a few months of problems and angst when you don't have too? They grow up so quickly - if you are lucky enough to be at home, enjoy him while you can. Before you can blink he'll be off to full time school

When i say the children go on their own, when they are first potty training we go with them but usually they learn to aak to go to the toliet after a while in which we send them into the toliet which is within are room, and we go check on them, and make sure they wash their hands and wipe themselves, clearly in the right order.

The children are never in a room without an adult in it.

hi, miss says when i leave he stops crying and is ok, but she would say that? however when we left on thurs we walked off down the track to find the car and he stopped after about 100 metres and said i wonder what miss is doing and RAN all the way back to the school with me in hot pursuit... must say he never runs off EVER and likes to hold the pram withot being asked.
agree would prefer him at home tbh but dh thinks he will be better there

one thing which is odd is that the first few times he went he didn;t cry at all but it was the 4th time he went into tears and wouldn;t let go of me. is this usual?

yes, the first few times, to children it is like 'oh this is fun, new toys e.t.c' and then reality sets in and its all lots of emotions all get caught up together, and they realise they have to leave mummy, he just needs time to ajust does that make sense?