Hi NiamhC
I am a couple of weeks ahead of you, so the tough return to work and my DD starting nursery is very fresh to us. She was 12 1/2 months when starting. We have had to send DD to nursery 5 days a week and the first week was so horrible - tears when I left her, and tears when I picked her up (apparently an emotional rush that you have returned). We too have had real battles at bathtime and bedtime - as with you bathtime had always been a fun and happy time. I so understand what you are going through at the moment, and really feel for you.
I have found that the battles are down to extreme tiredness - that is all it is. I was worried that she was not enjoying her nursery. DD is sleeping well at nursery most days, but she is using up far more energy there than she would at home. The staff encouraged me that she was fine during the day once I was out of sight. I was so concerned that I asked a friend who's DD was at the same nursery to pop in and check on her. I knew that they arrived about half an hour after I drop off. It was reassuring to hear that my DD was fine and playing along, no tears. I would also suggest you keep talking to the nursery staff. I did this and said that I was really concerned because we seemed to only see DD as a teary little girl at home when she was always so happy. As she was fine during the day, they did not realise how tough it was at home. They now look out for tiredness and will pop her down for a 20 minute kip to recharge, and this has helped her hold it together in the evenings.
At the weekends, I let DD sleep for as long as she wants in the mornings and lunchtime nap to recharge after an exhausting, but exciting week. This means that we have more fun with her during her awake hours, and bathtime and bed time has become lovely and relaxed again - we too had tears at bedtime but now we just have a cuddle and pop her in the cot.
DD also picked up a cold in the first week, and at first we went by the theory that she should fight it off without going to the doctor - but last week (week 4) we took her to the doctor as her cough and cold was stopping her from sleeping at night - (we also wanted to check there was nothing serious that was making her so miserable). She is now on antibiotics, and as the cough and cold clears up, she is sleeping better at night. We also bought a karvol vapouriser which you plug into the wall at night and it releases vapours which help to keep their nose clearer. You can get them from Boots.
This is week 5 and DD is now having a ball at nursery, I would say that last week was the turning point when I felt a great deal happier, that was week 4. I know it sounds a long way off - it could be sooner for you, because we left her cold for 4 weeks before seeing the doc.
A very long response, sorry, but in short, my advice would be the following - do you have a friend with children at the same nursery - maybe they could look in on your boy? keep talking to the staff and explain the battles you are having at home and see if they can fit in another kip when needed. Keep an eye on the cold, you may decide to see your GP. IF he is not enjoying bathtime at the moment, maybe it is not necessary to have a bath every night? or shorten bathtime?
It does get a great deal better. I promise. I still wish that I was able to look after DD and not send her to nursery for 5 long days a week - but I now know that she is having so much fun, and developing well and getting to do so many activities that she would not get to do with me. All the feelings you describe, were how I was feeling 5 weeks ago, and I am a great deal happier now. But you must remember, if it does not work out - nothing is forever, you can always look for alternative solutions.
Keep me posted on how things progress - You won't be doing him any harm - but broadening his experiences which he will love. You are of course a fabulous mum, and it is normal to worry.