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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

We are vegetarian and 4.7yo ds has just told me he eats chicken at nursery.

49 replies

beansprout · 25/05/2009 11:56

He is quite sure about this. The nursery claims to cater for all diets and I know I need to talk to them but am very cross if this is the case. Why is this different to religious beliefs that I am sure would be respected?

OP posts:

TheDevilWearsPenneys · 25/05/2009 11:57

If he's happy to eat chicken then why not let him?

ruddynorah · 25/05/2009 11:58

does he want to eat chicken? presumably he can say to the nursery he doesn't want it at his age. fwiw we don't eat meat at home but dd has meat if it's offered elsewhere and she wants it. she's 3.

pavlovthesmugcat · 25/05/2009 11:58

I am presuming they know he is vegetarian?

You need to address this with them asap. It is completely unacceptable, if they know, to go against the way you bring up your child.

muffle · 25/05/2009 11:59

Are you sure everyone there knows about it? If you don't keep reminding them then it can happen when new staff come in etc. (Doesn't bother me but I know this has happened with a veggie friend's DS at our nursery - was a mistake and they apologised.)

Or, he could be confused about what chicken is - my DS certainly is and gets it confused with fish and quorn, not surprisingly.

bigstripeytiger · 25/05/2009 11:59

You are right that is should be respected. It doesnt matter what you dont want him to eat meat, it is up to you what he eats, not the nursery.

I would speak to the nursery about it. If they get something that fundamental wrong then I would question how good a nursery they are (as what else are they doing against parents wishes to make thier life easier?)

On the other hand though it may be that your DS is wrong, or maybe has been having Quorn, and someone has thought it was chicken?

pavlovthesmugcat · 25/05/2009 12:00

I don't think whether he wants to eat it or not is the point. That is not for the nursery to decide. If the OP is happy for him to eat it at nursery if he wants it, then the nursery need to ask the OP if she is ok with that, before allowing him to eat it. He is not even 5!!! He is not the responsible adult here.

muffle · 25/05/2009 12:00

Actually I do agree that at nearly 5 this is something you might want to let him make his own choices about too - but that's a separate issue.

Brangelina · 25/05/2009 12:00

That is shocking, at that age they should really respect your wishes. I'd make a huge fuss.
We had a similar problem once, school tried to give DD potatoes that were fished out of veal stew instead of cooking potatoes apart. They obviously didn't expect DD (who's only 3) to tell me. They knew they were doing wrong too and tried to tell me DD had imagined it.

Greensleeves · 25/05/2009 12:04

I think it's odd that people always say "let him make his own mind up" on this issue - how does this differ from respecting parents' wishes on other issues? He's your child and the nursery absolutely should be respecting your preferences. If a Jewish child told nursery staff he would like to try bacon, would it be OK to let him? No it bloody well wouldn't!

We ALL "impose" our own views on our children. That's our right and it should be respected. FFS.

cazzybabs · 25/05/2009 12:08

ar you sure it is chicken and not quorn? because they might say its chicken so all the other children don't go but we want what he has...

I would go and ask.

muffle · 25/05/2009 12:09

Well actually greensleeves - I don't think people should impose religion on children either - I think it's shocking that children's diets are restricted by their parents' religions actually. I'm an atheist but no way would I ever tell DS at any age that he has to agree with me.

I'm well aware that's not a view that's going to catch on but - I don't know, if you're 4/5 and there's some food you're not allowed for no other reason than your parents' own cultural feelings - I do think you might well feel that's a bit unfair. We do agree that as they grow up our DC do get a right to decide for themselves, so when does that kick in?

I didn't come on here to berate the OP for wanting her DS to have veggie food - not at all - but I think there is a question hanging over this.

ruddynorah · 25/05/2009 12:11

the way the OP explained it it seemed like the OP's child was matter of fact about it, not distressed or complaining about it. at nearly 5 i'd have thought he'd be able to say 'i don't eat meat' or whatever. it's not like giving ham to a 1 year old jewish child. what happens when this child goes to a birthday party and they serve ham sandwiches or sausage rolls? he'll choose whether he wants to eat them surely. i dunno, i guess it doesn't bother me that much. i let dd decide. i just don't eat meat, so she doesn't get it at home.

willowthewispa · 25/05/2009 12:15

Check it is actually chicken and not quorn or something. At my nursery we always did quorn or veggie sausages so all the children could eat the same thing regardless of whether they were veggie, muslim etc.

PinkTulips · 25/05/2009 12:21

are you sure it's not a pretend game with a plastic chicken leg from a toy kitchen?

my dd is 4 and there are times reality and pretend tend to merge in her mind somewhat, or that she presumes i know she's talking about a pretend game!

either way, if he want to eat it then i'm sorry but that's his choice

Greensleeves · 25/05/2009 12:34

I don't let my children have certain things because I disapprove of them on all sorts of levels - my ds1 boycotts Nestle, for example, because I've explained to him why we boycott their products. It would be fair to call that indoctrination, and I make no apology for it.

Every time you make a choice for your child there are a hundred choices you are excluding. That's in the nature of bringing up children. And if you want to argue that Jewish/Muslim children should be allowed to eat pork if they want to, I think you'll have a hard time convincing most people.

muffle · 25/05/2009 12:39

"I think you'll have a hard time convincing most people." I know, I already conceded that. Still think it's wrong though. I think a lot of things are wrong that I would have a hard time convincing most people!

Greensleeves · 25/05/2009 12:45

lol, me too

gardeningmum05 · 25/05/2009 12:47

i totally agree with muffle.
i am a veggie, since i was 10,and i made the decision myself. didnt agree with eating an animal, so i stopped.
my DP and children eat meat, i will cook it for them, dont believe in forcing my beliefs on them.
if they decide when they are old enough to turn vegi, then fine, if not, thats their right as individual, thinking people

Greensleeves · 25/05/2009 13:17

I force my beliefs on my children. Although I think that's an unnecessarily pejorative way of putting it. I don't allow toy guns/tanks/scream masks, for example. I think if we're honest we all force certain deeply-held beliefs on our children - we all have thresholds at which we think things should become the child's own prerogative - I don't like computer games for children, but I have a ds with AS who is a real whizz with computers and passionately loves quest/problem-solving games, so I've diluted my stance accordingly. The threshold changes as the children grow and develop too, so it's even harder to pin down exactly the extent to which it's OK to let them do things I think are wrong.

I think part of the problem with this particular argument lies in the understanding - or lack thereof - of vegetarianism/veganism. For many people it is much more than just a lifestyle choice - it's as deeply held as any religious conviction. I'm an atheist, and I would let my children go to church with a friend's parents if they really convinced me that they wanted to - although I would step up the level of open discussion of religious ideas in the household to try and ensure that their exposure was balanced. I would not however allow them to be baptised, as that is a decision I made as a parent and feel strongly about - if they choose to go through baptism once they are adults, I will support them, and I wil even be there if they want me - I would want to discuss and debate it and have my own ideas on the table along with theirs and everybody else's though.

I do think that parenting by its very nature involves indoctrinating and imposing one's preferences to some degree. I don't think dh and I are overly controlling parents - our keynote is dialogue, dialogue, dialogue. We respect our children as individual people and don't expect them to be carbon copies of us (in fact I would be really disappointed if they were and would ask myself what I had done to stifle their development). I think though that people are assuming that being a vegetarian is just about not eating meat. It isn't. It's part of a comprehensive and valid philosophy about our relationship with other living things and with the ecology of the planet as a whole. Am I being a fascistic and censurious parent by enrolling my children in the Woodcraft Folk rather than the Cubs, because no child of mine is going to sewar allegiance to God or the Queen?

Millarkie · 25/05/2009 13:19

My children were raised veggie (dh is veggie, I am not, but we agreed that they could make their decision to eat meat when they were old enough to understand the process). They also went to nursery and we had to trust that they were given veggie food. If one of them told me that they had been eating chicken I would definitely be upset and I would be talking to the nursery but I would assume it was due to staff forgetting or new staff not being told rather than our decision being over-ruled.
Having said that, as the children got older I employed a nanny (whose previous childcare experience was 10 years of nursery work) and (a year of so after the employment ended) found out that she had been feeding 2.5yr old dd, sausage rolls, chicken satay, and ham.. Even as a meat-eater I was not happy with the type of food, let alone that it wasn't veggie.
For what it's worth, we gave our children the option of eating meat outside the home when they turned 4. Ds is a committed vegetarian..dd is an omnivore

Millarkie · 25/05/2009 13:20

Why should 'when they are old enough they can decide to become veggie' be more acceptable than 'when they are old enough they can decide to eat meat'?

bigstripeytiger · 25/05/2009 13:21

Im slightly shocked that some people are vegetarian, and yet give their children meat 'until they are old enough to decide for themselves'. That makes no sense to me.

If you have decided that it is better to be vegetarian then why deprive your children of the health benefits that go along with a vegetarian diet?

We are all inflicting our own choices on our children to some extent, I am vegetarian, and so my children dont have meat either (until they are old enough to decide for themselves).

What I dont get is making one choice for yourself and then making a different, but no better, choice for your children.

izyboy · 25/05/2009 13:26

We are veggies but I refuse to be draconian about it for DS. In my experience, if you make a big deal of it then they will want what all their mates have. I just say that I wont cook meat at home but if he wants a bit when out and about let him. Often he doesnt like it because the texture is tough and muscular. I make it clear that meat is dead animals and if he is repulsed ..well so be it.

islandofsodor · 25/05/2009 13:27

I am not vegitarian but I think that when a family is vegetarian and decide to raise their children as such then schools should respect that until the child is old enough to decide for themselves that they want to eat meat.

At the nursery my dc went to they ahd a list of vegitarian children up along with the allergies/religious diets.

The vegartairian option however is always almost identical to the main option.

eg chicken curry/quorn curry
sausage and yorkshire/veggie sausage & yorkshire
spag bol/veggie mince spag bol

solidgoldSneezeLikeApig · 25/05/2009 14:38

Oh FFS get over it. He won;t die. ANd most vegetarianism is just attention-seeking behaviour anyway.

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