Houdini child, what would you do?

[jellyrolly]

We live in a boarding school where ds1 has gone to nursery since January. Yesterday he escaped through a pathway in the nursery garden which is blocked by a plastic car and ran home.

Bearing in mind he lives on the school grounds I am trying not to overreact to the fact that he ran away from nursery. It is an unusual situation, the whole place is very familiar to him and he is used to running round the school grounds with his parents during the holidays.

The lady in charge had gone to another building with half the class and the lady left behind admitted she didn't know he was gone until she saw me return with him. She had gone inside for a second when he moved the car and ran off.

I have had an apology and the pathway was boarded up this morning. However, where I was expecting some sort of reassurance that they will keep a close eye on him in the future, I have been told that his problem is that he doesn't fit in socially and that he needs to bond with the other children.

I agree that he is not very sociable but my feeling is that the reason he ran away was the bloody great gap in the fence and the fact that he was unsupervised. I am happy to address whether he fits in or not but feel that this is a separate issue. Nothing negative has ever been reported back before now.

I kept him home this morning until the hole was secured as I know he would have just done it again. He doesn't go back until next Wednesday so I have time to think about what to do but I'm really confused. Should I look into moving him somewhere where security and supervision are better or was this just "one of those things"? I have no idea if I am overreacting; basically he came home across a garden but what if I hadn't been there? If he goes back, I'm scared to leave the house in case it happens again.

As we live and work here too I feel I have to tread very carefully. I don't think I can discuss this openly with other staff who are also friends.

What should I do? Any advice greatly appreciated.

This should be a learning experience for the staff to improve their security. The nursery can't exactly be secure can it? Hopefully they would learn the lessons from this. They don't sound on the ball to me to be honest, hopefully it's shaken them up. I'd be mad to be honest, especially as they didn't realise he wasn't there. I dred to think what could have happened.
Am I right in thinking there's a lake and a pond on the school grounds?

There's not a lake but there is a pond. To be honest it's the thought that he might wander down to the road that scared me most.

I just don't feel reassured that they will keep a better eye on him. He was due to start a full day next half term but as they go for a walk in the afternoons I've said no now. The lady in charge said she was now uncomfortable about having him in the afternoons.

I'm new at this but surely it's their responsibility to make it as safe as possible for him?

It is their responsibility, they should be doing this for all of the children, if one has escaped then they need to review their safety policy. I wouldn't feel reasured that they have said they would keep an eye on him, there needs to be an assessment of the grounds and appropriate measures in place (like a fence). The pond is especially dangerous to little ones, they really do need to clean their act up. They should still be able to take him for a walk, he should be holding a hand though or at least have something that attaches him to a teacher in some way.
Could you have a chat with the head? If your child has escaped then it's possible for another to do this. It wouldn't bode well on the school and would be devistating for all if something happened to that child.

The head is at a conference, I've emailed him to let him know what happened. It's awkward because he is my husband's boss but I can't say nothing as security has to be the number one priority. He can be heavy handed in his approach and I'm worried he will blast the head of the nursery therefore making life very uncomfortable for my son. She seems to already have him down as a problematic child with the comments about his social skills.

The fence is now in place but that doesn't excuse the fact that they were outside unsupervised albeit for "only a minute". I feel that if I pursue it, this woman could ultimately lose her job. I think I've lost perspective because I'm his mother but I think there will be serious repercussions.

I can see where you are coming from but imagine what would have happened if your child had gone to the road/into the fields/in the pond. It may not have been your child, it could have been someone elses. If things are lapse then this would have happened sooner or later so it's better that your child knew the way home rather then someone elses child who may have left the grounds looking for it's mum. There's no excuse for not supervising them, it does only take a minute to loose a child and find them in a horrible situation. If she's not on the ball then it's better for it to come out now as no child has been harmed.
Are you in FM? I live in Derby.

Yes you are right, I'm going to phone the headmaster's wife now and talk to her ahead of him coming back.

Apparently he is the first child ever to escape in nearly 20 years so I suppose I feel I am the one making a fuss.

What where is FM? I'm in Derbyshire too.

near the reservoir, south derbyshire, swadlincote way? There isn't many boarding schools in Derbyshire.

It's good that he's tested out the flaws. He's keeping them on their toes and stopping them getting complacent. This is good.

I don't want to say which school on a public forum, will message separately.

Thank you for a positive note!

It's OK.

Wait for him to get back and have a word. The consequences could have been far worse for the child and the school to be honest. It should be a wake up call for them. I think people can get complacent in their jobs if they have done the same thing for a while. This is never a good thing, especially when children are involved as they are unpredictable. It only takes a second for them to find theirselves in danger. The staff should know this.

I hope it goes OK for you all. Try not to worry about the social problems she's flagged up. Some children need a bit of support with this, some children need some help with maths or english. It's really not a big deal and the nursery staff should be coming up with constructive ideas on how to help and support your child, not criticism.

Thank you fluffybunny, things are a lot clearer now. I will wait and speak to the head. I just phoned his wife, who is also a friend, and the lady who was in charge during the disappearance answered the phone as she is babysitting! I'm going to polish my egg-shell-treading shoes...

Oh dear. Sod's law hey!

Look on the positive side though.