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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Should I take my 11mo ds out of nursery?

16 replies

Puppster · 17/03/2009 13:33

Opinions gratefully received, though am at work so replies might be limited until tonight ..

It's his 4th week this week, still crying when dropped off (I do quick & positive bye bye see you later, no hanging about) and needing dummy all day as not very happy, which he hasn't done since he was a baby, usually only used for sleep. Getting distressed earlier and earlier in the drop off, now before we even get through the door. Cries on pick up, eating not great. Has got horrible nursery cold.

I have possible oppotunity for nanny share, and my gut tells me I should go with that as I will host, plus all other benefits re flexibility, 1 on 1 etc.

However I am terrified about changing his routine and it not working, and I've upset him all over again. Should I just hang in there?

Thoughts / experience greatly appreciated

Oh I should say I am generally v happy with the nursery, its whether its the right place for him that concerns me

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Original poster

Puppster · 17/03/2009 13:44

bump

OP posts:

nickytwotimes · 17/03/2009 13:48

I have no experience of nursery, so my opinion may not be entirely valid, but I would go for the nanny share. 4 weeks is long enough to try something out and for it not to work.

MinkyBorage · 17/03/2009 13:50

No experience here either, but trying the nanny share makes sense. 11 months is very little to be a nursery if he is unhappy with it.

tiredlady · 17/03/2009 14:02

Nanny share definately.
I wish I had done it.

hefferlump · 17/03/2009 17:03

I have my DS in Nursery - there was no other option for me but if I had the opportunity and finance I would deffo go for the nanny share.

He is very happy where he is but it took a couple of months before he was 'happy' and quite a few weeks more before he got grumpy when I wanted to take him home

Sidge · 17/03/2009 17:17

9-12 months is classic separation anxiety time, so you may find that whichever childcare option you choose, he cries when you leave him.

But if your gut tells you to try a nanny share, then think about trying that. But only if you would have chosen that nanny anyway, and not as a "second best" option.

Original poster

Puppster · 17/03/2009 21:38

Thanks all, v interesting to see that the consensus is to go for the nanny share, which is kind of where I'm at.

I agree completely re separation anxiety, but I rationalise it as thinking that if it is that is may be better for him even he does struggle if he is in his own home / can be taken outside for walks which he loves

ho hum, as you say, need to meet her and go from there

thanks again

OP posts:

acebaby · 22/03/2009 21:45

My DS1 was like this in the under 1s room. He settled much much better in the toddler room, where there was more of a routine and the activities were more varied. In the little baby rooms they often have difficulty getting outside regularly because all the babies follow their own routines and need one to one with feeding etc.

So if your nanny share doesn't work out, your little one might be okay in the next room of a nursery.

My DS1 is now 3.8 and very happy at pre-school and I am having the nanny-share versus nursery dilemma for DS2 (10m) so I'd be interested to hear how you get on.

KathrynAustin · 26/03/2009 09:38

I would stick at the nursery!

I know there are benefits and negatives about both options, but for us nursery has always been our preferred option. I love the social side of nursery, I love the fact that they are stimulated by toys/activities that they don't experience at home and I love the range of friends that they have made.

DS2 has never been bothered about us leaving him at nursery but when we moved DS1 to his current nursery just after is second birthday we had a terrible time. He would become distraught as we entered the nursery gates and every day for over a month it was heart wrenching.

One day he just went in happily and we haven't looked back since.

Do you call nursery after you've left to see how he is? I used to do this and was always told he was playing happily (something other Mum's also witnessed). Looking back both boys probably did become more attached to their dummies/blankets, but I think this is just a normal reaction to a new environment.

Good luck with your decision!

Kathryn

nanny1974 · 03/04/2009 19:26

I have been working in childcare for 18 years now.I worked in nurserys and as a nanny.I have seen this before.A lot of children find nursery/school hard.But so do the parents.It so hard for the staff as well.If a child is full-time you will be paying about £800-£1300 a month.If it is not working now maybe have a nanny for 6 months to a year and then try nurserys part-time and then go full-time after 3 months.If your not happy get a nanny.There are lots of nanny's out there who needs jobs.So

Chellesgirl · 18/04/2009 23:53

Yeh Id probably say get a nanny too. I like nanny1974 have worked in many nurseries and as a nanny(as i am now). I remember in the one nursery a child who was around 18 months did the same as your ds. He was upset for months! His mum stuck with it, as she had another baby attending the nursery (he was fine as he was much younger). In the end I told her the best thing for him now was for someone from the nursery to come to his house and be there so he can see them in a safe environment, one which he recognises. SO I went and I babysat many times. About a week after my initial 2 baby sittings he was a totally different child. He was a little clingy to me at first but that was to be expected, but give it 2 weeks he was running round with all the other children.

Chellesgirl · 18/04/2009 23:55

As I said Id get a nanny... This is because it may be easier on you. He can be in his own environment, and bond with one person. He can also learn to trust this nanny and socialise with the other children she may be caring for. As well, you get to make new friends with the parents of the other family.

bondgirl77 · 20/04/2009 12:15

Puppster, I had exactly the same feelings about my DS at nursery vs childminder recently. He started nursery at 15mo, took ages to settle, did not eat anything at nursery for at least the first six weeks but slept there and was playing fine there. He still cries and wails at drop off, and that is after 3 months of being there, yet plays happily, eats now and sleeps there fine, and my little 'report' at the end of each day says what a happy boy he has been all day. I agree with the person that suggested that you ring during the day, I still do this at 1pm each day to check he's had lunch and is doing ok, the nursery staff will be happy to fill you in. If anything the crying has got worse just recently, and he even sheds tears now when I drop him at the grandparents, whom he is more than familiar with. The crying on drop off can just be a sign to you that they are upset you are leaving, and I've read that it can continue until they are 3 years old! My cut off point for a decision on it was 8 weeks, and IMO you should stick with it a little while longer for all the positive points about nurseries mentioned above. Then, if he is still really not happy there during the daytime, make your decision. I feel for you though, it is just the hardest thing, and dropping off a crying child is awful, it sounds as if you do exactly the right thing saying a firm, cheery goodbye and going straight away.

bondgirl77 · 20/04/2009 12:17

Plus to add to acebaby's comment, exactly the same for my DS he is much happier in the toddler room, and you may want to ask the nursery if it's possible for your LO to spend time in this room whenever there is room in there (children off sick etc). That's what my nursery did and my DS was able to spend most days in there in the end so the move up was a smooth transition!

snechie · 21/04/2009 15:37

I am having the same problem but the other way around. I have had my DD in a nanny share since she was 10 months (she is now 2.4) and it has been fantastic. I would definitely do it again, she did take a little while to settle with the nanny but then never looked back
and has been very happy and she really looks forward to the days of the nanny share.

I definitely felt the arrangement was best for her whilst she was little as she has always been and still is, quite shy and clingy. The pros of the nanny share have been that she is in her own home, sleeps in her own bed, gets to go out and about during the day etc Also they meet up with other nannies and kids of the same age so also get the benefits of lots of interaction with other kids.

However I am about to start mat leave again and I can't afford to keep the nanny share on so DD is starting nursery two days a week - we have had two settling in sessions and they haven't gone well

lynniep · 21/04/2009 15:55

Well, we did nursery #1 when DS was about 7 or 8 months - can't remember now. First session was ok, then he was ill, and from then on he seemed to develop major separation anxiety. He hated going to nursery and was hysterical the whole time he was there. I wanted to stay and let him settle with me there but they werent up for it. It got to the point where he'd start crying hysterically as soon as he saw the red front door. I gave up after quite a lot of sessions (About 12-15 hour-longs I think) and left it a couple of months as it was too distressing for us both.

Then I picked nursery #2. Less good Ofsted reports, but I like the key worker in the baby room and felt she understood that just leaving him and waving bye bye wasnt going to work. They let me stay for about 6 hour long sessions and then we continued but I left gradually earlier until he was a) used to the place and people and b) used to me coming back to get him. It worked. He still cries on drop off sometimes after going there for a year, but always cheers up after I've gone which is a far cry from being hysterical the whole time I'm away.

I never really explored the nanny option, but if its there, it sounds like a really good idea as baby being familiar with the surroundings means you're part of the way there already. Theres always the option to try nursery again later on if you wish to. Good luck

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