POTTY TRAINING AND NURSERY - URGENT ADVICE PLEASE

[baabi]

I wonder if someone could give me some idea of what happens in Private Nurseries and I am expecting too much from them. My DS will be 3 in a few weeks time and is not fully potty trained. He will ask and do wees in the potty but is very scared to do poos and as such we are having huge problems because he holds it in, gets constipated, is in pain and is generally unwell and off colour. He is being seen by the doctor and we are due to see the HV to try and sort it, but I have asked the Nursery to try and not make a huge issue of it so he can relax a bit. Sometimes he will ask for nappies which I am happy for him to wear until he feels OK without them. They were being really nice about it, but informed last this week that until he is fully potty trained he will be kept in the toddler room, instead of moving to the pre-school room with all his friends. And they don't want him to wear nappies at all. Can they really do that? I think he is already bored in the toddler room and keeping him behind will feel like a punishment and just add stress. A friend has told me that it is illegal to keep children back for that reason under the Disability Act, but before I go in and challenge it I would like some opinions please, and maybe some advice how to go about it.
I am otherwise happy with the nursery, I have dealt with them for the past 5 years as my DD also went there, they have little staff turnover so know them quite well, and until we started this potty training business my DS was happy to go there. Now he just seems subdued and resigned that he has to stay although he seems happy when we pick him up. He only goes 3 days a week and we were planning on keeping him there until he starts school next year as we have done with DD.
Sorry for long post but just wanted to give the bigger picture, thank for any replies.

I am a nursery owner/manager and a few years ago when the Disability Discrimation Act came into force I attended a training programme covering this.

This was actually one of the "case studies" that was bought up and we were told that it is illegal to discriminate children just because they are wearing nappies.

It is great that DS is weeing in the potty and also a common problem for children to be scared to poo - My DD went through this too - It usually resolves itself pretty quickly with the right help.

If your son is happy using a nappy for a poo then the nursery should respect this. We have had a few children that will not poo in the toilet and we have been more than happy to put a nappy on them and change them afterwards. We also work with the parents to try and gently encourage them(Under no pressure)out of nappies by using reward charts, stickers etc.

If I were you I would mention their obligations under the DDA but also mention the EYFS (Ofsted - each child is unique and should be treated that way!)

horrid situation for you - it's never nice to confront staff at nursery. (after all, they are the trained ones at this kid-looking-after-malarky)

I'm sure in time your DS will be happy and progree. I would have a chat with his key person or main care giver at the nursery.

Def do not think it is appropriate to hold him back from natural progression with his friends. I agree with you that it will bore him to stay in toddler room.

Good Luck

I remember many years ago when my 14 year old would only ever poo in a nappy. I honestly thought he'd be going to secondary school in a nappy, but it only took a few months to sort out.

However, as linzs says, the DDA prevents discrimination for nappy wearers, but I would be loth to use this argument unless your DS does actually have a disability. I think it would be better to say what you have said here - you feel he is bored and is being "punished", and see if you can come to an agreement.

Good luck

Reallly not on to hold him back, they should move him up as planned and deal with it in the older room. As for not wanting him to wear nappies I can see that in some cases they might suggest not too but in your case it is fairly obvious its best way to make him comfortable and happy.

As a nursery manager i'm quite disappointed that they are so rigid.

Thank you everybody for bothering to reply. We had trouble with him again last night regarding this issue and I really thought at one point in taking him to A&E, which seesm silly now but he really was in a lot of pain. I now have an appointment to see the HV so I will see what she thinks, but will be talking with the Nursery manager tomorrow about it. I do not want to use the law argument unless I have to, but will do so if necessary.

baabi, I work ina pre-school room and have had children in nappies,
although I am not keen on doing nappies I realise that for some children, they need to wear them
We don't have any facilities for pre-school children in nappies but we use a changing mat on the floor, as lifting up heavy children is not good for your back

also, children this age can be involved in changing themselves, they can be changed and cleaned standing up and can put on their own pull-ups
it is discriminating against him not to move him into the pre-school room and you should insist they do not hold him back