DS distraught and looks terrified if I go out of eyeline since first day at nursery on Friday

[cheekychopsmum]

DS (15 months) had his first day at nursery on Friday (he'll be going 1 day a week). When I picked him up he cried when he saw me and ran over and wouldn't let go of me. He clung on to my arm all the way home and I had to coax him to let go so I could get my key of of my bag to open the door. He just looked terrified.

He has been the same all weekend, even when DP has tried to play with him, as soon as I go out of the room, DS screams and sobs and runs over and clings to me demanding to be picked up. He has never been like this before, usually quite independant (for a 1yr old) and doesn't like to be carried. This isn't just his usual cry when he doesn't want me to give my attention to something else ie cooking, you can hear the fear in his cry. I don't know what to do and how to reasure him. At the moment I am cuddling him everytime he cries and picking him up (which I'm finding difficult as I'm healing from a broken back). He won't be comforted by his dad and just screams for me.

Yesterday in the suppermarket he was hysterical when his dad was pushing the trolly and I went out of view behind another person.

I feel so guilty for leaving him if it has had this affect on him and don't think I can face taking him to nursery this friday (I return to work on thursday after 18 mths, my mum will look after him on Thursdays). I've already asked DP to take him as this my be better, though I can't imagine it will be.

What should I do?

Sorry you're having this problem with him. Did you have a settling in visit or two? Were you allowed to stay for the first visit if you wanted to? I hope that someone who has had some experience of this comes along soon and can offer some advice.

how did the settling in sessions go?

have you spoken to his keyworker about how he is during the day?

Could your mum possibly look after him Thurs and Fri mornings and he go to nursery in the afternoons on those days
imo just one dayers find it really hard to settle as they just get used to it and then don't go again for a whole week

How much settling in did he do before his first full day and how did that go? If he was fine up till then I would ask the nursery if something happened that day to upset him specially.

(I am presuming you did settling in with him, if not then that would explain why he is so upset)

Oh, that does sound awful for you all. Like the others, I'd be interested to know how settling in sessions went - was this the first time you'd left him?

I'd call the nursery and explain how upset he's been so they can be extra-gentle with him on Friday. And ask them if they have any tips or advice to help him settle.

Suggest lots of reassurance between now and Friday that Mummy loves him, that he will have a lovely time playing with all the toys and his new friends at nursery but you WILL come back for him.

Also, my childminder is very keen on me saying goodbye and not just disapearing, which I think is a very good way of doing it. In the begining it meant he got more upset when I left, but he is now great with it, and it has meant that he doesn't think, every time I am out of site, that I might dispear for ages.

(it did take a while, but it is now working really well for us)

I'd done 1 previous session of settling in and he'd been very happy and gone off and played on his own. I had planned on spending time with him last friday as more settling in, but when we arrived he raced off, so in my (poor) judgement I took the advice of the keyworker that he'd be fine and to go and come back in a couple of hours. When I rang after an hour they said he was fine, had been a little unsettled at first then got into playing. He wouldn't have a nap when the other babies did ( he usually has a long nap). I went to pick him up after he had had something to eat - he ate it all.

If I drop him off on Friday I won't be able to stay long as I'll be going to work, but maybe my DP could take the morning off and stay.

No mum can't have him on a Friday - she works aswell.

Have you spoken to the nursery - is there any chance you can have another settling in session before Friday?

poor you. sounds very upsetting.

it's not the same, but my ds took ages to settle in nursery, and when he was settled, for several weeks would be very anxious or cry if i went to a toddler group or friends house as he thought i was going to leave him. (he'd always cried if i was out of sight in the house.) it did settle. i would second lots of reassurance and reminders that you will see him later.

that's a good idea mistlethrush thanks, I'll give the nusery a call.

Also, could he be teething or something like that? That might well contribute to his clingyness?

ah, think keyworker made a mistake there. Would always recommend saying 'goodbye' with lots of reassurance that you'll be back after tea-time/whenever, to avoid the panic that Mummy might disappear at any time.

how did it go today?

thanks for asking missorinco, but he didn't end up going. He has been poorly all week (since nursery!) so DP took day off work to mind him. Going to focus on getting him in a good routine which matches nurseries, this week, and hope this helps. x