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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

28 month old has been badly scratched at nursey today & I was told 2 stories..

20 replies

mumoftoby · 26/02/2009 17:18

I would appreciate some advice please. DS1 is 28 months old and started to go to nursery 4 weeks ago for 2 mornings a week. I walked in today and was told that he had an 'accident', as he had been scratched on the face. I asked if he had been upset and the nursery nurse said no, and that they hadn't realised anything had happened until they saw the marks on his face.

I was quite relaxed about it until I saw him . The worst scratch is next to his eye 1.5 cms long, 0.5 cms wide and is very slightly gunky. The rest are quite minor but there is even a couple of marks on his neck/throat.

When the nursery manager came through - she said that they had seen him try to cuddle a little girl (he is a menace for cuddling little ones) and the girl had scratched him. I didn't say anything as I didn't want to land the nursery nurse in trouble, but she had told me this wasn't the case. I don't know what to make of all this?

The nursery manager has also made quite a few comments about my son having a very low concentration span. I don't know whether to change nursery or keep him at home for a while? Am I being over dramatic?

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Nicocacola · 26/02/2009 20:38

Hmmm it's a difficult one. I wouldn't change nursery or keep him home if you haven't had any other problems or reasons to be unhappy, but I would approach the staff or the manager just to clear things up. Just explain that you want to understand what happened because you've been told two different stories. It could well be that your son had been trying to cuddle this little girl all morning and when the staff noticed the scratches they assumed it was her, but couldn't be sure. The staff will have had to inform the manager about the incident so maybe she misunderstood when they were explaining what they thought had happened. I can see why you're upset about it all though, not least about the scratches but the conflicting stories. Hope it gets sorted

Mummywannabe · 26/02/2009 21:02

Could well be that both are right, NN might have meant he didn't cry out in pain but very soon after the hugging incident they noticed the marks and the only explanation is that this is when it occurred.

As for having a low concentration span at 28mths , i would be more worried about this comment to be honest. He had only been there for 4 weeks and what 28mth old doesn't have a short concentration span - especially with all new toys and things to explore.

I'm a nursery manager by the way.

Original poster

mumoftoby · 26/02/2009 21:55

Thank you Nicocacola and Mummywannabe. I will ring in the morning for more information. Would it be rude to ask how old the little girl is and perhaps suggest that she have her nails trimmed more regularly?
Mummywannabe I am so glad that you have said that about his concentration. Each time I collect him the manager is fairly negative about him, although the NN always says that she can't believe how clever he is - but she could just be being nice! He does have a short concentration span, but will sit and colour and read books with me for half an hour to an hour at a time. I think it must be all the toys at nursery distracting him.
He seems a bit stressed when asked about the incident and I gathered from the manager that he had been told off after it for cuddling. My mum is a nurse and has had a look at him - even his gums are a bit scratched. So I at least know now that I am not being dramatic about the severity of his injuries. We think the little girl must have hold of his face and clawed rather than just batting him off as described to me.

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Mumnnanny · 26/02/2009 22:33

No you are not being over-dramatic. I am a nursery nurse/nanny. I can tell you that the manager will lie to protect her job. The nursery nurse is normally the one who knows exactly what happened and is told not to say anything.

I can't believe no body was watching your child and any other child that was involved in the incident.

Children have accidents, yes. This is not an accident. Children fight, but in a setting this should be dealt in a calm, quick and controlled way.

Was it writtin in the 'accident book' and demand to see it.

See how it goes over the next few days. If your little boy seems to be withdrawn, upset or angry in any way make your feelings heard to the manager - not the staff as thier opinions are normally over-ruled. Talk to the nursery nurse calmly in the morning when you drop him off. Ask her to explain what went on from her point of view. Tell her if needed that the information will go no where other than between you and her.

Let me know how it goes...
Michelle

Original poster

mumoftoby · 27/02/2009 17:12

Thanks Mumnnanny. I phoned and spoke to the manager/owner today. She is amending the incident book to include the injuries they had somehow failed to notice on his throat/neck and in his mouth. She apologised and said that they had not actually seen it happen. She said it is because he cuddles too hard and frightens the children. Apparently Mia has only ever bitten 2 children a few months ago, never scratched.
I see my son with children a few times a week and he does cuddle whether or not the child wants to, but is honestly always really gentle. So I disputed that he hurts children and asked if he does why I had never been told before - she didn't have an answer to that.
I really don't think I will be sending him back next week. He is an affectionate, gentle little boy who is really confident. I want him to stay that way.

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willowthewispa · 27/02/2009 19:37

Did the manager tell you the name of the child that scratched him? That's really bad practice, and unnecessary.

Original poster

mumoftoby · 27/02/2009 19:45

No, to be fair she didn't - DS2 has told me.

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Original poster

mumoftoby · 27/02/2009 19:47

sorry - DS1. DS2 was at home and can't yet speak!

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nickschick · 27/02/2009 19:58

Im sad for your ds ,as a nursery nurse myself some children are very tactile and enjoy hugging other children but they soon 'pick up on' whose open to cuddles and whose not.

I think if the nursery manager is worrying (unneccesarily )about your ds attention and his behaviour with the other children that would be more reason to wtch him more carefully.

Im cross she didnt know the full story and that the incident had to be altered in the book after you telephoned - do you think the incident was recorded in the book initially? did you see it? did you not have to sign?.

I agree Id go with the nursery nurses story they tend to be more 'hands on' and know whats going on.

Original poster

mumoftoby · 27/02/2009 20:09

Thanks nickschick. Before him getting hurt she had moaned about his concentration every time he is picked up, but had never mentioned his behaviour around the other children being a problem. I think what irritates her is that he won't sit still at meal and snack times.

I saw and signed the incident in the book initially but the NN who told me that they hadn't seem what happened had also signed the manager's version so I didn't want to cause any trouble for her. When I called today I was able to say that the scratches inside his mouth and on his throat, and the severity of one on his face make it highly unlikely that the manager's version of events (with him just being batted off) was accurate. That is when she coughed that they hadn't actually seen it.

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hereidrawtheline · 27/02/2009 20:14

Sorry I would be appalled by this. If his scratches are that bad, for lack of a better phrasing, that sounds more like a sustained attack than a quick one off which is much more understandable with lots of children. It would really upset me that for that amount of time the children werent being supervised. This is my instinct, I am not speaking from experience.

Also with regards to the attention span comment - that would really make me angry. It just seems like... how can I put it - it almost sounds like she doesnt like your DS???? I would not want my DS anywhere that I felt he was not in a loving environment. TBH if I were you I would be looking for another nursery. If she said the attention span thing once, fair enough, its an observation, but so many times, and now this scratching which was unobserved - IMO not good enough.

Original poster

mumoftoby · 27/02/2009 20:28

That is the way my mum feels and she picks him up half the time - we definitely get the feeling that he is regarded as a bit of a nuisance. The manager admitted on the phone that they look like he has been clawed at. My mum is a nurse and was shocked by them. I even had a couple of comments about them as I took him around asda today. It is heartbreaking because he said 'Toby runned away' and every time I tell him he is good he says 'Toby is a naughty boy' (according to him Mia said this as she hurt him). But the nursery have taken the fact that he didn't cry as that it can't have hurt him too badly, not that he was shocked and scared. I have been in tears a couple of times today.
I have started looking for new nurseries. It is a shame because he loves it and asks to go each morning without fail, but he also loved the one that we went to view today too and wanted me to leave him there.

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hereidrawtheline · 27/02/2009 20:30

It is a shame that he loves it but really if you think they view him as a nuisance do not send your child to them. He deserves better. He will settle in a new nursery and be much better off for it.

Original poster

mumoftoby · 27/02/2009 20:44

Thanks hereidrawtheline I just couldn't face sending him back to that one at all. Hopefully DH will collect his clothes and wellies from it on Monday.

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purepurple · 28/02/2009 08:45

poor little thing, the manager sounds like a pain, maybe you should write her a letter, telling her exactly why you are taking your son out, and send a copy to Ofsted too

SadMarg · 02/03/2009 17:53

It's difficult when your child doesn't cry. My DS doesn't cry at nursery when he's been hurt (will scream like a banshee at home if the situation warrants though !).

We've had two incidents that just weren't seen by the nursery workers, one where he was bitten on the hand - took 4/5 days to fade - and another time when he had a big red lump on his forehead - dont' know whether from falling and landing on something, or being hit by another child. Fortunately for me the nursery staff were so amazingly gentle and lovely about it. They felt so bad that they hadn't seen the incident, but usually children will cry and they can see what has just happened. It really is difficult for them to see everything at all times.

You do need to ask them how they are handling the hugging issue, if they think it is over the top - they need to have some sort of plan of dealing with it in place. I know my DS would be horrified if another child kept trying to hug him, and although he's never hit another child that could well be the trigger as it would freak him out.

SadMarg · 02/03/2009 17:54

Oops, sorry, just saw that you were taking him out. If you send him to another nursery you will need to address this issue with them though.

CrushWithEyeliner · 02/03/2009 18:40

This sounds absolutely dreadful your poor DS- I would be whipping him ouit of there sharpish and having strong words

CrushWithEyeliner · 02/03/2009 18:42

yes and put them in writing defo

Original poster

mumoftoby · 02/03/2009 21:22

Thanks purepurple, SadMarg and CrushwithEyeliner. He is officially withdrawn from that nursery now and his belongings have been collected. I just need to force myself to find somewhere else as he loves it, but I am so tempted to just keep him at home. We have been working on the hugging issue for a few weeks now and it is getting less frequent. We just keep praising him for not doing it and explaining that children don't want cuddles when they are playing. It is hard though as his 2 little friends of his age that he sees regularly like cuddling him (one even kisses him quite a bit), which encourages him again.

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