Do you work full time? - My DD is starting nursery full time soon - I need some positive stories

[EllieG]

That's it really. I have to go back to work full time as I am the main earner. After a lot of thought I have decided on nursery and she has a place at one I loved when I went to look at it when she was about 3 months or so.

I booked her induction to start on 16th March, I return to work on 13th April and she will be full time, apart from when my Mum or Dad come and pick her up after lunch possibly once or twice a week.

I feel rotten and guilty and would like some positive stories about nursery please. She is a sociable little soul who loves playing with other babies and is not too separation anxiety-ish. She hasn't been apart from me much though, and never with anyone apart from her Dad or grandparents.

I found it so hard leaving ds at nursery - so so hard. I felt guilty, I cried etc etc - and I think that even if you hear positive stories you will feel like this. because it is HARD leaving them. But I steeled myself to the fact that there was no choice (and there was none) and we all settled into the new routine.

Ds was clingy for a wee while but he´s like that anyway. I think it´s hard to predict how they´ll take it but all in all they adapt and it´s what they get to know as normal. She will still love you more than anyone but equally she WILL be fine there.

I still have moments of feeling bad almost a year later but this weekend we spent the morning at nursery decorating the carnival float and I got ds to show me his room, and his cushion. He showed me his photos of us on the wall and his friends and he seemed so happy and comfortable to be sharing his space with me. It really reassured me that he likes it there. (he is 21mo)

It´s a rotten adjustment but you will all be fine

Thanks maveta - I just worry so much about how she will cope, but as you say, there is no choice, so I have to make it work. She is such a happy girl though, and I hate the thought of her being sad at all. Or loving me less. Or forgetting that I am her mummy. Or losing trust in me. Or becoming insecure.

Oh dear.

DS has been at nursery full time since he was 4.5 months, and is now 2.8 years old.

He has always loved it, and is now a totally sociable little boy with lots of great friends and who is a joy to be with.

I regard the staff at nursery as kind of aunts - he adores them, and they are very loving to him

You'll both be fine

Yey! Keep 'em coming please......

I really feel for you, it was a horrible time anticipating it all, it is much easier once you get on with it and see it´s not so bad. She may be a bit clingy or insecure for a while (or she might not) but I do believe that once they get used to the new routine that in itself becomes important to them.

In september I dropped from 5 days to 3 and so did ds and it really surprised me that he actually seemed to find it a difficult adjustment. I thought he´d just be thrilled to be with me more (which of course he ultimately was) but didn´t realise that the change in routine in itself would unsettle him and make him insecure and clingy.

I worried about all the same things and ds is still as much a mummy´s boy as ever, while also being happy and well adjusted.

Oh, and I forgot to say that DS is very firmly attached to me, very very loving, and happy.

Do you get the impression that we have had a positive experience ?

There are some other full timers since little in DS's class, and they are all very chatty and lovely children

DS started nursery full time when has 1 and 1 day. He didn't bat an eyelid about going and was never clingy. He took to it straight away and actually got upset if he couldn't go if he was ill. He made fantastic friends and even though he is in year 1 at school, his best friend is still the little boy he started nursery with 4.5 years ago. We loved the staff and loved the nursery. Our DD is 4 months but already has her name down for when I go back to work when she's a year old. She'll love it and she'll make lots of fabulous little mates! I know what you mean about feeling guilty but in the end DS loved nursery so much I knew I had done the right thing for all of us.

OK. I went back to work full time in January when dd was 1. Had 4 settling in periods of 2 hours each. Was anxious, worried etc about the sheer enormity of her being there every day from 8 until 6.

She loves it! Doesn't even flinch when I or dh drop her off. Plays all day and when we pick her up she is still smiling.

Both of you will be fine.
The new routine will soon become the 'norm'.
But I know that doesn't stop you worrying...
HTH

i went back to work when dd was 4m. she loved it, used to be all smiles the moment she saw the car seat. when i had holiday, she sometimes still wanted to go to nursery to see her friends, and her first key worker was still her 'friend' 5 years later when she started at school. she also found the transition to school really easy, and i'm sure that's down to being in nursery
in fact, around 2, went thorugh a phase when she cried as i had to bodily carry her out of there each eve!

Hi Ellie, I recognise you from the April 08 thread - I also have an April 08 baby.

My friend's DD is in nursery FT and has been since she was a few months old - not what they wanted or planned but when it came to it, they didn't have a choice and they were very worried about it.

She has settled in very easily and is very happy there. To the extent that although she obviously loves her mum and dad, she is sometimes most put out when they come to collect her and spoil her fun!

It's so lovely to hear these stories when you read so much contradictory stuff in the media!

This is just what I needed! Thank you so much ladies

Hi fleecy!

Hi EllieG,
My DD started nursery at 8 months, she's full time (8 am to 6pm), I normally drop off and DH picks up. I worried because she seemed so little but she settled right in. She's now nearly 13 months, and as soon as we stop in the car park in the mornings she gets all excited and starts chattering and wriggling to get out, DH has noticed a couple of times recently when he picks up that he gets a "Oh no, it's you, I'm having too good a time to leave right now" kind of look.
She is generally pretty tired when she gets home, but we have time for half an hour of books and cuddles, then a nice bath and then feeding and bed so we all reconnect at the end of the day and weekends are lovely as she's at home.
I don't think about her too much in the day now as I know she's happy, so I can get on with work and look forward to seeing her in the evenings. Mornings tend to be a bit of a rush tbh.
Best of luck x

It will be fine . There are good nurseries and bad nurseries and if you ever read anything negative about nurseries in general remind yourself that they are probably talking about the bad ones. You have found one you love and she sounds like the sort of child who will enjoy it.

I love it when my ds fetches his shoes hopefully at weekends and says 'Go nursery?', but equally both dcs are always thrilled to see us at the end of the day - there are no issues about bonding.

I also like to imagine it is like living in a primitive society where the women would go off hunter-gathering and leave the younger children in the care of the grannies for the day - ie, I truly don't believe there is anything in the human make-up that means being with your mother all day is automatically superior. They need stability and love but a good nursery can provide those.

Kathy; couldn't agree more. Dd is not quite full time (4 days 7 30 til 5 45)however it sounds like she will probably do the same no of hours as the OP is suggesting, if Gps are able to pick up early a couple of days week.

She started at 6 months old and is now 2.7 years and is very sociable, with advanced verbal skills (so much for kids at nursery not doing well in that area..) Shes not a genius at everything btw.....I am not a ridiculously deluded mother

She has been at 2 nurseries as we moved, and has loved both of them. Regularly sings lots of songs at home (with improving moral messages!) and talks about her friends. Has just started to get birthday party invites and is very excited!

As she is almost certainly going to be an only child, the social interaction and realisation that you are not the centre of the universe has been excellent for her, and now I am happier than ever because she is able to describe her day at nursery to us in detail.

I also subscribe to the view that often children would have been cared for in group settings, often by older members of the 'tribe' whilst mothers laboured elsewhere. As long the care is loving and the nursery well run (would suggest picking up at random times occasionally just so you feel contant about what goes on outside you normal pick-up and drop off times - it certainly made me feel happier) then she will be fine. It will be you that suffers at first - sorry, but it is true!

Lol at the "improving moral messages", my niece sings lovely songs about rain drops and pure water, and even had a nursery class visit to a compost making plant. They all got a bag of compost to take home with them

Both my dd pt nursery from 11 months going to ft in 16 months. With ds, we just plunged him straight into ft at 11 months.

Unlike your dd, my dd was terribly unsettled (she had early health problems) and I attachment parented her (bf-ed, co-slept). I never expected her to settle and was really anxious about her starting nursery. But after the settling in period, she was fine. Hence, my being more gungho with ds - and he was fine too despite being parented in the same way.

I know there are a lot of critics about ft nursery, regarding the long hours and indifferent care by strangers etc etc. But take it from someone who has used (good) ft nursery with her dcs from an early age and whose dcs' friends also attended nursery at an early age (some from 6 months) who I also observe - they are lovely affectionate well-adjusted children who are doing extremely well in school.

I have no doubt that some children are more suited to nursery than others. But if even my velcro babies can settle, there is definitely hope for your dd. Please don't think there is necessarily going to be a problem.

There are also others who say to limit the hours spent in nursery especially from under 2. Well, if you take a robust view of nursery and your dd is doing well, playing, eating, napping etc, there is something to be said for the routine that ft nursery instills over patchwork childcare. Nursery workers recommend that it aids settling for a child to attend for more and consecutive days.

Children also make such firm friends, even earlier than you think. The ftimers (lifers, if you being ironic) tend to play together, are known by everyone, not just at nursery but also in the community. dh and I cannot take dd or ds out in the community without a child or adult warmly recognising them from nursery. They are minor local celebrities!

That's fantastic to hear about people - I take your point about viewing it as a kind of older-style group/tribal parenting thing - I hadn't thought of this aspect at all in relation to a good nursery. Mine does seem to be, I have spoken to lots of people about it and the staff seem to really care for the children, and I loved the way it was full of lovely child-centered activities, and the kids all looked so happy. I think DD will be fine, but it has really helped hearing about all yours here, thanks all

Plus, if am honest, I am finding DD harder and harder to keep entertained, and she loves being at group things with other children. I think nursery will be better than CM in some ways as will be very stimulating, and I really think she needs it now.

DD1 started at nursery when she was one. To start with she always cried when left, but when I came to pick her up she was always playing happily.

After a while she would usually go to her key worker with no difficulty and she was telling me "nursery fun".

We even reached a point where it was very hard to get her to leave, especially if they were playing in the garden.

She's made loads of friends, done lots of interesting things and I think it has been really good for her.

As long as you've picked a good nursery it will be fine. Our nursery is very helpful, the carers are lovely and the staff turnover is low.