Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

Flip

Original poster

Need a moan about nursery

16 replies

m0nkeynuts · 27/01/2009 16:00

DS turned 3 mid-December and started nursery earlier this month. Due to having a cold, he's only been there for about two weeks total.

He's not yet potty trained - just has no interest in it - and we told them this before he started.

So one afternoon a week or so ago he fills his nappy at nursery (very rare, I must add - he's usually an evening poo-er!). DH goes to pick him up and one of the nursery staff is there to meet him and starts having a MAJOR rant about the fact he's "STILL in nappies". She ranted for quite a few minutes about that, then started ranting about the fact that he couldn't put his shoes on. (Personally, I don't think that's a massive deal for someone so young - he tries at home and can PARTLY put them on, so he's getting there.) All the ranting was done in front of DS.

Now today DH went to collect him and the same woman was there to meet him and started ranting about the fact he didn't know how to unwrap the straw from the milk carton and didn't know where to insert it. DH pointed out that he doesn't usually HAVE them, so that's why!! DS prefers to drink water (so no juice cartons) and, when he does have milk, we don't tend to buy it in individual cartons! Then she said that DS says "yes" all the time - the examples she gave were "do you want a bit of apple" (to which he said 'yes'), then "do you want to do such-and-such" (to which he said 'yes'). Am I missing something here?! Can't for the life of me think what her point was!!

I'm feeling really frustrated - it kinda seems like she has it in for him!! Am I being oversensitive?! Is nursery not the place where they LEARN all these new skills?!!

I just feel that if they've identified an area where he's struggling - like with his shoes - they should just be trying to HELP him, not just moaning about it. Doesn't feel very constructive.

Advice / thoughts??

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Sidge · 27/01/2009 16:05

Is it just one member of staff? Can you ask her for a quiet word away from the children, and explain that you think she has unrealistic expectations of a 3 year old. It is totally reasonable for a 3 year old to be in nappies, and to not be able to put shoes on. As you say they should be helping him learn to do these things in conjunction with you.

If she is unwilling to take your points on board then ask to speak to her senior, as she is being very unprofessional and doesn't seem to know what 3 year olds can and can't do!

Original poster

m0nkeynuts · 27/01/2009 16:14

Thanks for your support, Sidge!

I'm planning to ask for a meeting with her to discuss her 'issues' with him. DH thinks she's "just a whinger" which is all very well, but I don't want her whinging at my son and making him feel inadequate and this impressionable young age ;)

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 27/01/2009 16:19

It's totally wrong for her to be ranting about anything in front of your son. If she had developmental concerns then she should mention them of course - but privately and anyway - nappies, shoes and a tendancy to agree with suggestions are all completely normal toddler issues - and yes they should be helping him to learn new skills.

Are you totally happy with the nursery otherwise - did you look at any others? I'm a big fan of nursery care - but thats vecause I've been lucky enough to find two nurseries in my time where my daughters have been cherished first and foremost.

Neeerly3 · 27/01/2009 16:23

is it a private nursery or like a proper pre-school?

I have found that private nurseries who have had the kids since they were babies, grow with the children and thus roll with each ones individual needs, whereas I've had plenty of chats with mums who's 3 year olds have just started a preschool, who say they had to be potty trained before they started, or if they weren't trained they had to go back in during the day if the child soiled their nappies and how they don't really 'teach' them anything. It's like the staff in these schools are just trained to certain levels and don't appreciate that some kids fall outside of what they feel is the norm.

You have every right to have a quiet word as you are leaving your child in her care and as such expect the same level of care as if your child was at home.

Sunshinemummy · 27/01/2009 16:28

Is she your son's key worker? If not I don't think she should be bringing these issues up with you at all - she should be discussing them with the key worker to raise with you and discuss how you are going to tackle them together.

My son'r nursery were instrumental in helping us potting train him. It doesn't sound very supportive.

HSMM · 27/01/2009 16:45

And I thought feedback to parents was always supposed to be done in a positive way ......

Original poster

m0nkeynuts · 27/01/2009 16:47

Thanks everyone! It makes me feel better just to know I'm not overreacting!

It's a state nursery / pre-school. I was wondering if private nurseries might be more supportive / nurturing to individual needs, as I don't get that vibe from this place!!

The thing is that DS LOVES it there - to the point where he cries at home time! So she's obviously not doing/saying anything to him that's making him upset. Not yet anyway!

I've no idea if she's his keyworker - nobody at the nursery has ever mentioned anything about keyworkers??! Is it an English thing (I'm in Scotland)?

If she'd approached us in a more constructive way about it all, my feelings would be very different. For example, instead of "... and he's STILL in nappies", it had been "We noticed that he's still in nappies as we had to change him today. How is potty training going at home? Maybe we could sit down and have a think about how we can combine our efforts to help him along..." - I would have come away feeling supported and positive about the nursery!

Total lack of people skills!

OP posts:

Sunshinemummy · 27/01/2009 16:51

Not sure if it's just a private nursery thing but at the ones my son has been to he's had a key worker who works with us to address any developmental/behavioural issues, gives us his twice yearly report and chats to us generally about how he's doing/provides anecdotes about his day.

Original poster

m0nkeynuts · 27/01/2009 16:53

Sunshinemummy - that sounds like a GREAT idea! I don' think they do that at this nursery - the first couple of days DH was told things that DS had played with / been doing, but since then it's either nothing at all or a rant that he gets!

OP posts:

Sunshinemummy · 27/01/2009 17:00

I thought it was an Ofsted requirement. Is your nursery goverened by them?

Original poster

m0nkeynuts · 27/01/2009 17:01

I'd have thought so - it's a regular state nursery (attached to a primary school)...

OP posts:

Original poster

m0nkeynuts · 27/01/2009 17:05

Maybe they DO have a keyworker system and just haven't told us!!

OP posts:

Ripeberry · 27/01/2009 17:10

They should have details of the keyworkers for each child clearly displayed. If they are not available ask WHY NOT?
If the ranting person is not your DC keyworker then don't talk to her.

Original poster

m0nkeynuts · 27/01/2009 17:12

Actually, just realised we're not governed by OFSTED here, it's HMIE (www.hmie.gov.uk).

OP posts:

MrsMattie · 27/01/2009 17:17

She sounds like a loon.

Original poster

m0nkeynuts · 27/01/2009 17:24

lol @ MrsMattie! Yes, that's about right! My mother reckons I should 'get used to it', as there'll always be some teacher or staff member that I don't like / that seems to have a problem with DS.

Sad, but most likely true!

OP posts:

Flip