son cries at nursery

[ac27]

I'm the proud mum of a determined, feisty, happy two and a half year old son, who had his first session at nursery on the 12th.

When we arrive he doesn't want to go in, wants me to carry him, and becomes desperate at the idea of me leaving. The teachers say leave him and let him cry, but I won't. I think it's psychologically totally wrong to leave a child that small - I mean, it's not as if he's sitting his GCSEs is it? I feel he should only be there if he's happy.

And I'm sure he'll learn to love it and soon let me leave confidently without me abandoning him in tears.

But HOW???? That's the question.

Any advice much much appreciated!

Did you not have gradual settling in sessions for him? Maybe that is something you should suggest to the nursery so you start off going with him then leave for 15 mins one day, then 1/2 an hour day after and increase until he no longer realises your there or not. Have you left him before at all?

OP - you may not be giving him a chance to be happy just by being there.

My DS would cry and hold onto me to try and stop me leaving. By the time I walk around the building to where the car is parked I can see through the window that he is already joining in. Same with pick up, I could see him interacting and playing happily, but when I walked in he would sometimes cry his eyes out, as though telling me off for being away.

After a few weeks, this reduced. He still isn't overjoyed at me leaving, but when I pick him up now he happily shows me around the room at all the things he has been doing.

You either have to show more confidence to leave him crying if need sbe but be upbeat when you take him in, so he can feel positive in return, or you take him otu and try again ina few months' time. All the time you hover he will respond to it.

Does the staff just leave him to cry or do they try their best to distract him? My DS is only 11 months and he started settling in sessions two weeks ago and starting his proper full day on Monday. He still cries when he realises I am gone but the staff tries to distract him straightaway and usually succeeds... To be fair, when I've been there and other babies are crying, the staff has NEVER left any of the babies to cry, they are always cuddling or distracting. This is for the under-2s room but I imagine the same should be done in the 2-3 room. Ask the staff what they do when he cries. I do agree with the other posters though that there WILL be some separation anxiety and tears, it can't be helped but it will get better!

Also, the staff at the nursery always wants the settling in sessions to take as long as possible, they say they don't like the idea of a baby/child getting stressed at going to nursery. To be fair, DS hasn't had any problems going into the nursery yet, he even smiles at the staff when we first got there today and I can see he is getting happier each day. Sounds like your son is already making negative associations with the nursery already if he is refusing to go in? Did you have any settling sessions? It will get better!