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3 year old started nursery for the first time today and staff said he cried quite a bit.........

17 replies

firststeps · 05/01/2009 13:11

Is this quite normal and if so how long will it take for him to settle in? He has just turned 3 and is going to a nursery until the end of the Summer term and then starts pre school in September. I was expecting him to be a bit upset when I dropped him off but the staff said he cried quite a few times throughout the morning . He had a settling in session last week which he enjoyed but it was only an hour compared to 3 hours this morning.

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firststeps · 05/01/2009 13:14

Should also mention that he has only ever been looked after by family before so I know this is a shock to his system, but we have been talking about the nursery for ages so it wasn't a surprise for him to be going there IYSWIM

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happystory · 05/01/2009 13:40

Try not to wory. That's quite normal espcially if he has been spending a lot of time with family. They get busy with activities but when there's a bit of a lull, they think of mum and have a little cry till they are distracted again. 3 hours is a long time for them to cope at first. There's lot for them to manage.... but if the staff are on the ball they'll find out what he likes doing and as he beomes more familiar with them, they become his stand-in mum!

firststeps · 05/01/2009 13:52

thanks happystory - he also wet his pants this morning which he hasn't done for ages - I think he was scared to ask to go to the toilet. How long would you say is a reasonable settling in period - a couple of weeks or could it take longer? I wouldn't mind so much if he had cried when I left him but then joined in and enjoyed it - it's the fact he cried throughout the morning that upsets me.

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happystory · 05/01/2009 14:58

It's difficult to say how long it will take but the fact that he didn't cry ALL morning is good.... means he enjoyed most of it. Have a little chat with him about telling the staff when he wants the toilet. Ask him to do you a painting.

He should have a keyworkwer. Seek her out and have a chat about your concerns. Most first time mums have these worries!

revjustaboutwipestheslateclean · 05/01/2009 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snuffyp · 05/01/2009 15:00

my daughter is 4 and has gone to nursery for a year only 5 hrs a week and still has,nt settled and does,nt want to go

firststeps · 05/01/2009 22:07

thanks happystory and revjustabout - he has got a keyworker and she is relly nice - I spoke to her this morning and she reassured me that he hadn't cried all morning just at intervals during his 3 hour session. I asked him tonight if he was going back to school tomorrow and he said yes and told his baby brother he had been to "big boy school" today which is a good sign I think. He did say he had started drawing a picture for me today but had to put it away and he will finish it tomorrow. Will let you know how it goes tomorrow. Thanks again you have really reassured me

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Pannacotta · 05/01/2009 22:11

Can you stay with him for a while when you drop him off?
This might help him feel more at ease and confident.
One hour of settling in doesn't sound that much, at the nursery where DS1 is and DS2 about to start they have three one hour settling in sessions.

firststeps · 05/01/2009 22:17

Hi Pannacotta, I did stay with him a short while today but think I will ask if I can stay a bit longer tomorrow. One settling in session didn't seem much to me either but I didn't think to ask if he could have any more . I think it is a confidence thing - once he gets to know his keyworker better and makes a few friends I think he will be ok

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Pannacotta · 05/01/2009 22:23

Am sure he will be fine, but I do think that staying with him for a while for the first week or would help him settle in more easily.
You only need to sit in the background (take a book to read maybe?), just so he knows you are there.
And I'd ask his keyworker to ask him if he needs the loo every so often, to save him wetting himself again which is not nice for him.

firststeps · 06/01/2009 13:17

Hi Pannacotta, I stayed with him a while longer today and although he was a bit teary when I left when I picked him up he had had a much better morning, the nursery staff said he only cried once - when a little girl was dropped off who got upset and it seemed to start him off. He had also joined in much more today. I did ask the staff to remind him about going to the toilet and take him evry so often but they said he just kept saying he didn't need to go. Anyway the good news is that he didn't wet himself today but he had held a wee in for 3 hours - I took him to the toilet before we left and he had the biggest wee ever . Also happystory thanks again for the tip - I asked him to do me a picture and he was waiting with it when I went to pick him up.

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MerryMadMarg · 06/01/2009 17:05

snuffyp - I think that's why you'll find a lot of nurseries don't let children go for such a small amount of time. Our nursery/day care insists on at least 3 sessions, which is 1 1/2 days. Anything less and the children don't go often enough to settle in.

purepurple · 06/01/2009 20:36

it is normal for children to cry, after a couple of weeks he should be fine. We had parents of a small baby on a show around our nursery today who wanted to leave their baby today, with no settling in and we said no

Pannacotta · 06/01/2009 20:44

Glad it went better today firstsetps, hope he settles in soon and manages to feel comfortable going to the loo there!

saraya · 08/01/2009 13:04

Hi all, my 3 year olf starts nursery tomorrow and I am thrilled at the prospect fo him being with other kids and having some fun as he does not get much of either at home! I am only concerned about when he wants to go to the toilet and how that will go as he only lets me take him! he is toilet trained but I understand staff at the nursery prefer the child to do his business alone.

Pannacotta · 09/01/2009 09:45

saraya am sure the staff will go with him to start off with if you explain this and ask them nicely...

saraya · 10/01/2009 08:57

Tahnsk Pannacotta, another thing is he usually will not let anyone else but me take him to the toilet so e may actually hold back and / or wee in his pants (shock) but you're right we will have to wait and see how it goes and yes the staff do seem very understanding.

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