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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

13 month old hysterical starting nursery - please help!

7 replies

MumtoTwinGirls · 12/10/2008 22:45

I am trying to start my twin girls at nursery for two half days. I left them for 20 minutes and they screamed hysterically until I got back. One of the girls was twitching and shaking and took ages to calm down. She now cries as soon as we enter the nursery. The other one cries when we enter the room for their age group. I have been back several times and they are fine if I am with them but if I leave the room even for a couple of minutes they scream. They have never cried so hysterically before. Now one of the girls gets upset when I leave a room anywhere and cries out for me. She can be distracted by her dad or grandparents but still calls out for me every now and then. Even when I'm in a room with her she keeps checking I'm there. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure whether to force the issue of nursery or whether I am damaging her. Is it better to forget about it altogether? If not should I stay with them and try to pop in and out of the room and gradually build it up or just go? It seems like such a fragile time and I am very worried about what it might do to them as they don't seem to be able to calm down at nursery.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

babbi · 13/10/2008 15:10

Forget about it and take them out. They are very young to go there and clearly it is upsetting them, where is the benefit for them if they are hysterical ?

nooname · 13/10/2008 15:17

I guess it depends if you really need/want them to go to nursery or not?

If you don't then just give it up.

If you do then a few suggestions:

talk super-positively about nursery to them - talk about how exciting it is and what fun they'll have (I know they're only little but they understand so much and if you're positive and excited then they're more likely to be).

go with them for a few sessions and don't leave them (and tell them you won't leave them) and act really excited and interested about all the things they're doing

try not to get stressed about it yourself as they will sense this and feel worse.

(not sure about this one, but might help) get someone else to take them so they don't always associate it with you leaving them?

talk to the staff and see what they suggest (they will have seen it all before)

kolakube · 13/10/2008 15:17

I guess it depends on why you want them to go to nursery. If it's for a much needed break then a gradual build up sounds sensible. You may have had an unfortunate coincidence with the time they're going through separation anxiety.

Original poster

MumtoTwinGirls · 13/10/2008 20:33

Thanks. I didn't really want them to go yet but I have long term joint problems and need some time to recuperate (post birth) and get strong and not sure how else to do it. I've got to keep fit for the rest of my life to stay in one piece.

I took them today and I left them for ten minutes then came back and played with them for a while. They were terrible when I went but after big hugs when I got back were happy to stay and play. Started talking about one of the nursery staff today with one of the girls and she can say her name so I encouraged it and said how we will see her tomorrow. My other daughter isn't talking as much yet but I'll try to talk about the nursery lots and see how it goes.

I thought about a childminder but I'm still leaving them so don't see any difference?

I think I'll persevere with a VERY gradual build up for a few weeks but if there's no improvement I'll have to try to find another way!?!

Thanks again for your advice.

OP posts:

SmugColditz · 13/10/2008 20:35

Child minders much much better for children who are nervous of nurseries - find the right one and it's a home from home.

Original poster

MumtoTwinGirls · 13/10/2008 21:24

Thanks SmugColditz. Do you know how I find a good childminder? Don't know many mothers to ask.

OP posts:

jamsandwich · 17/10/2008 00:11

I feel for you, it's so difficult in the early days, but it really does get better.

My DD started nursery when she was 12 months and took a lot longer to settle than the other kids seemed to. In the end, I realised that it wasn't really helping her for me to stay with her for sessions, because it made it seem like it was something we would do together - yet then I'd be slinking off for a bit. no wonder she'd cry. The staff (who were fantastic) convinced me that it would be easier for DD to understand if I just went for it and left her for a few half days to start with. It truly was only a few weeks before they were telling me she had stopped crying. I found it really helped to drop her off when they were all busy with breakfast - sitting her at a table with a plate of toast didn't feel too mean, so it helped me feel better about it too.

You have to have faith in the nursery staff to make it work - have you had a good chat with them about how they think it's going and what they suggest you try?

DD now 3, has managed transition to a different nursery and still really enjoys it. Nursery has given me some freedom and has also helped with her eating - she's terribly picky at home but will eat all sorts of things when she sees other kids doing it. Childminders rarely provide food, so this has really worked for us.

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