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My 2 year old cries when i take him to nursery HELP!!!

9 replies

sammybeth · 16/09/2008 11:32

Hi my 2 year old son started nursery 2 weeks ago and the staff have to prise him off of me when i drop him off.He only does 2 sessions which are 2 hours long. Sometimes hes crying before we even get there,this upsets me and i end up crying all the way home!! I just want to go back in and get him but i know this will just make things worse. The staff say he calms down once im gone but does cry a few times during the session asking for me. Hes only been 4 times so far but i find it really hard seeing him like that. Should i persevere? Will it get better?

Please dont reply if you are just going to say that hes too young at 2 and should be home with his mummy as this will just make me feel worse.

OP posts:
cockles · 16/09/2008 11:40

Can you stay longer to settle him? And cut it down gradually? Eventually prising him off you will work - he will realise he's going to stay there whatever - but it may not be the solution you want, though nursery staff are used to doing that. Have you asked him how he feels about it?

Habbibu · 16/09/2008 11:40

Poor you. dd has been going to nursery 2 days pw since she was about 14 months, and it did take her quite a while to get used to it. DH usually drops her off, and she's just fine with that (she's almost 2 now) but she'd been away for a week, and I dropped her off, and it didn't go well, so am feeling a bit blue.
That said, I know she's fine - she's happy there, she gets lots of cuddles and fun. It did take her a while to settle in - we brief her the night before that she's going, and talk to her about it in the morning, with lots of emphasis that we will come back to get her, and in general it is fine now, though as I said, it took a while.
Rang my mum (who used to run a nursery) for reassurance earlier - she said usually once they've been going for a while it's just that initial separation they get a bit sad at, and 2 minutes later they're fine. Find out the names of some of the children and nursery nurses, so that you can talk to him about it, be very positive and upbeat, and stick with it. He'll be fine. But I do sympathise - am glad to not be the one doing the dropping off most of the time!

Jennyusedtobepink · 16/09/2008 11:46

My dd still cries when I take her to nursery (16mo) even though she has been going since she was 7mo!

However, when I pick her up, she is always playing happily, and sometimes doesn't even want to come home! I am also assured that she only cries for a minute.

I think she cries more out of protest than genuine trauma at being left at nursery, and I promise, you do get used to it!

sammybeth · 16/09/2008 12:04

I took him twice for an hour and stayed with him so he could get familiar with the staff and the nursery,his auntie works there which i thought would help but it doesnt make any difference. My daughter went to the same nursery but she settled in well. Ive just got back from picking him up now and he was happy when i got there but the staff said he was very up and down during the session. When i ask him why he doesnt want to go and cries he says its because he wants me, so i dont think its anything to do with the nursery its just he doesnt like being away from me which i suppose is quite normal for a 2 year old.

OP posts:
Scarfmaker · 16/09/2008 20:38

Hi - would it be possible for him to do longer sessions on the days he goes to nursery? Two hours for two sessions doesn't help him to get used to being left as as soon as you've left him you are back again to collect him iyswim.

Could you try that maybe.

sammybeth · 17/09/2008 11:18

That may help but we cant really afford to send him for any more sessions until he gets his government vouchers which wont be until next september.

OP posts:
milkybarsrus · 17/09/2008 13:13

I had exactly the same experience, and the nursery reassured me that once I was gone then he was fine and playing without any hiccups. The nursery should be telling you what strategies they put in place for clingy/unhappy children, afterall, they are used to this all the time. Anyway, this is what my nursery suggested and it worked.

  1. No prolonged good-byes, or hanging around playing, or being shown this and that in the room, its all delay tactics.

  1. Except that they obviously would prefer to be with you, BUT it doesn't harm them if they are not.

  1. Take something of yours to the nursery every time you go, leave it with your child to look after til you return for them and the item. (jumper, coat, bag, umbrella).

  1. phone the nursery as often as you wish. they should not make you feel uncomfortable about this. You are leaving your most precious possession with them.

  1. find out what they like to play with there, like an action figure, book, something the nursery can draw their attention to straight away.

  1. Make sure you don't look sad or worried when leaving, say a positive 'ggodbye', kiss and ' mummy is coming back for you later.'

  1. The nursery should have a specially assigned carer for your child. Are they around to ensure your child settles in, has a cuddle when needed. mine let us take a photo of her and we would look at it at home and talk about the things she would play with him next time he went.

It really is hard, but it does get easier. It may take months like mine did. but you will get there in the end. Mine still doesn't give a hearty wave and kiss at the door like some do, but I look through the window and He is having great fun!

milkybarsrus · 17/09/2008 13:19

p.s. sorry but no.3, should be taking the SAME thing each time, I took a red fleece of mine so he could snuggle into it when he wanted to, as he slept there for naps too. also, i could hang it in the hallway only the days we would go so he knew what would be happening that day. It really helped.

lecohen · 22/09/2008 11:07

Hiya, my girl will be 2 on Thurs and started nursery 2 weeks ago (8:30 - 1pm Mon - Thurs)... the first week was fab, she went in happily and didn't even notice I had gone and thoroughly enjoyed her day BUT the second week (including today) has been a different story (delayed reaction), crying when we arrive and not wanting me to go. It's not easy or pleasant and I know how you feel.

Fortunately, she recovers quickly after I have left but it makes me sad to part with her on those terms.

Also, she refuses to eat their food and only eats what I have packed for her. She has always been a picky eater anyway.

But what can you do, like you, I just hope it will get easier. I just hope that she will settle before child number 2 arrives (beg Dec)

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