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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Am furious at nursery, am going to kick their ass this afternoon!

86 replies

leglebegle · 03/02/2005 13:40

My ds1 is sort of potty trained but still has loads of accidents. Its not going well at all and My health visitor says its all to do with our new baby. ds1 goes to nursery 3 days a week and every time I am given 3 changes of sopping wet clothes back at the end of the day. I couldn't understand why it was going so badly and why we started so well at home and then it deteriorated into him not even wanting to sit on the potty at all. 3 things happened so far this week which have shown me what is going on and I am so shocked. Monday - I'm told that ds1 and another boy won't go in the designated toilet breaks (both have only just learned to use potty) and they are just 'lazy' as they lose control of their bladders later. Tuesday I arrive and tell them ds1 has just said he needs to do a poo. He's waved to the bathroom on his own and told 'you know what to do'. Well, actually he doesn't! He struggles with his buttons on his jeans, he can't sit on the big loo yet by himself as he's a bit scared in case he falls in, at home we have one of those seats you put over the loo to make it smaller. I was shocked to realise they were going to leave him by himself when he clearly can't do it. Then last straw was last night when I went to pick him up only to find him soaking wet and upset. I'm told he'd said he needed to go the loo, was sent in by himself, he couldn't pull his jeans off, in the end had pulled them down with the buttons still done up he was that desperate and had tried his best to sit on the loo but couldn't balance and had 'misfired' and soaked his jeans. I am furious and so is dh (who is usually the voice of reason). He is so clearly not potty trained, he needs to be helped! I am going in this afternoon to have this out with them. What would you say?

OP posts:

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Marina · 03/02/2005 15:46

Another nursery user here, Leglebegle. How is it OK to swap down a pooey baby backside and then suddenly leave a three year old festering because of child protection issues? Ds is 5.5 and only really competent to wipe his own bottom in recent weeks and with the help of a handful of Kandoo wipes (might as well soak fivers in baby lotion).
I think your nursery staff are being unfeeling and unhelpful and I really hope you can get it sorted. I'd be inclined to blame your poor little man's recent setbacks much more on THEM than on your new baby, FGS.

Poshpaws · 03/02/2005 15:50

Pamina3, I shall keep an eye out. Must admit he has had a lot to deal with in the last few months (my pregnancy, change of nursery, failed night-time training) but he has only just started doing this wee thing. I DO know that he loves to 'hold on' to it sometimes, so maybe that is it.

Won't be too rough on the nursery staff - they are lovely.

Evesmama · 03/02/2005 15:51

dd not old enough for nursery yet, but very at your ds's..unproffesional and uncaring

Easy · 03/02/2005 16:05

If they cannot send a nursery assistant to help a 3 year-old in the toilet, because there would be too few staff in the room with th other children, then IMO they are understaffed.

They worry about that apparently, but not about the safety and well-being of your son. If he slipped on the floor he has just wet, or the loo seat fell on him and caused injury, they would also be in trouble for lack of adequate supervision.

I would make it quite clear that you feel they are lacking in their duty of care to your son (and other children who need the loo), and you will give them 1 week to sort out this problem properly, or you will report them for lack of adequate supervision.

I would also try and find an alternative nursery place elsewhere, as if they don't get this issue resolved, you must follow up, and you don't necessaily want to be taking your son there once you have reported them IYSWIM

Bozza · 03/02/2005 16:18

Agree with Marina - the child protection argument is not logical. My DS has been at the same nursery since he was 15 weeks old. Would not expect them to all of a sudden (at 2.2 when he started training) to say that because he was wearing pants instead of a nappy they couldn't wipe his bottom.

HeyEnidYouveLostWeight · 03/02/2005 17:03

lol marina at kandoo wipes

frogs · 03/02/2005 17:41

On the subject of kandoo wipes, would like to point out that Lidl do flushable wet toilet wipes at a fraction of the price. They don't come in a handy popup format, but ds has managed with them, and means not making Procter & Gamble any richer than they already are, which can only be a good thing.

Marina · 03/02/2005 17:47

Thanks for that tip Frogs, I do think a flushable wipe of some description helps children with poo issues (like ds has had ) feel happier about wiping their own bottoms, but quite agree about P & G!

lockets · 03/02/2005 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

open · 03/02/2005 17:51

Apparently kids physically can't wipe themselves properly after a poo until they can touch their left ear with their right hand, held over their head, IYSWIM.

Easy · 03/02/2005 17:54

actually looking at dh's pants, it's a skill he never learned (and he's 42)

weightwatchingwaterwitch · 03/02/2005 18:11

Blimey leglebeagle, I'm outraged on your behalf too, it's horrible. I know you're going to try to be calm tomorrow but you can be calm and still tell them you'e angry about this, that it's inappropriate, they're failing your son and that you want to know what they're going to do about it. Let us know how you get on.

dejags · 03/02/2005 18:12

PMSL Easy - I thought I was the only one...

dejags · 03/02/2005 18:13

I think it's outrageous LB - totally agree that if they don't have enough staff to accompany children on "unexpected" toilet breaks then they are understaffed.

Let us know how you get on.

doobydoo · 03/02/2005 18:33

Bloody hell!3years old.Completely outraged for you and your son.Hope you get a satisfactory outcome but these places can be quite inflexible can't they?Hope all goes well.

Marina · 03/02/2005 18:48

TMI Easy! (re the pants). Will bear the Kandoo plumbing conundrum in mind...

handlemecarefully · 03/02/2005 22:49

leglebegel.

Good luck with this tomorrow. Agree that toilet breaks are just pure farce. Also agree that children only just recently toilet trained should be accompanied. Think the staffing ratio argument is a red herring since the toilets in our nursery are through an archway and technically in the same room, so 'numbers' don't have to be considered. Same for your nursery?

HunkerMunker · 03/02/2005 22:52

Oh, LB, poor little boy - that's made me cry! I hope the nursery are more understanding than they've been so far . Hugs to your ds1 - little poppet sounds like he tries really hard to get it right, just needs a bit of help.

emmatmg · 03/02/2005 22:57

WHAT???? I would be absolutely livid! Poor little thing, I bet he's really trying hard and they just aren't even f*ing helping him.

Honestly, I'm furious on your behalf.

i hope you get some answers tomorrow.

Branster · 03/02/2005 23:03

we had a similar problem with dd when she started nursery. although fully potty trained to my mind (i.e. she would say when she needed a wee wee or poo and ask to be taken to the bathroom or going by herself and not a single accident ever etc). i was really annoyed with the nursery staff over this issue because they did not even attempt to help dd pull down her trousers and she had to get on the toilet herself (again a big toilet) and she became really scared of toilets as a result.
in the end I resorted to putting her in pullups for nursery so at least if she has an accident she doesn't become distressed over it. i have ot say that within about 1 month or so she volutarily started using the toilet there. but she still ahs to undress herself etc which i find quite unkind towards such a tiny child. maybe that's to do with the fact that teachers are not allowed ti touch the childre, I don't know but I find it so increddibly annoying!

Branster · 03/02/2005 23:08

just re-read your posts. do you mean to say they don't accompany him to the toilets even? I mean, just to supervise he's not wondering off or falling down in the toilet or something. Or did I misunderstand taht bit?

edam · 03/02/2005 23:08

leglebegle that is appalling. Tantamount to child abuse in my book (certainly neglect).
If you don't get a satisfactory response, call Ofsted. This is completely unacceptable and cruel.

ChicPea · 03/02/2005 23:39

Absolutely appalling and very upsetting too.

Who sets out nursery guidelines for taking children to the loo, letting children go to the loo by themselves, etc? I would get a copy and show the manager that that is clearly not happening at their nursery and what is she going to do about it? Are you tempted to report this to someone higher? I am sure there are sooo many regulations/checks/guidelines about setting up and running a nursery to protect the children that there are strict rules for everything.

ediemay · 04/02/2005 00:51

Dear leglebegle, just wanted to add my support. I agree with edam, it is neglect in my opinion too. Poor little fellow I'm sure you'll give them hell - make sure you get a letter from them describing what has been agreed. Good luck.

geekgrrl · 04/02/2005 07:59

leglebegle well that's just plain mean of them. your poor little chap. I felt so cross reading your post, you as his mum must be close to the 'red mist' stage.
I know that at our nursery they happily take children and stay with them, yours sounds like they need a serious talking to. Good luck today.

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