Struggling with my two year old starting nursery, is it too soon?

[MummyB95]

Hello, wondering if I can get any advice or opinions on this.

my son is 2 years and 3 months. We’ve just signed him up for nursery. I’m not currently working so getting the 15 hours. It’s a nursery that’s familiar to me. I used to work there have friends there and family still in the business.

because Of all of this I felt that it would be a smooth transition. My son is very sociable and so chatty. We’ve had such a great 2 years just us but as he’s more social now I felt it would be good for him to be around more children and make use of the big garden there as we don’t have one.

we’ve done settles all week and it’s his first day today. He hasn’t been great and tbh it’s shocked me. I just feel heartbroken to leave him now. He’s such a happy boy and I really thought he would settle. I’ve been waking up with dread every day at the thought of leaving him. And he’s been saying that I was ‘lost’ and he wants to stay with mummy and getting quite upset leaving the house. This morning when I stopped him he was holding onto me so tight saying don’t leave me.

I’ve never seen him like this as he’s literally always happy. I don’t know if I’m making the right choice and if maybe it was too early for him. I wanted him to go and have fun with other children but if he’s just going to be upset what’s the point he might as well stay with me.

any thoughts?

Just give it some time and see how he gets on. He’s adapting to a real change for the first time, it doesn’t mean he needs you to fix it by removing him, just give it a chance.

Give it time. DC1 loved nursery from the start. DC2 wouldn't entertain the idea and we gave up trying after a few weeks.

Do you go to any groups or other things where he can interact with other children? He’s only 2, as you don’t need childcare I wouldn’t put him into nursery if you don’t think he’s ready. DD did two mornings a week from 3.5 so she had a year of that before starting school and it was exactly the right thing, no regrets that she didn’t start earlier. I ran a toddler group before that which she came to and we had a few friends we met up with regularly. Nursery/preschool was good for getting her used to being away from me, listening to other adults, taking turns, making friends away from me. She was ready to start school and has always loved it. It was a good balance for us.

It’s really important for your child that they develop some independence from you. Have they spent any time away from you in their life before?

It’s going to be a big change for him at first, but he will get used to it and learn to enjoy it / playing with friends / doing new activities etc.

What are you doing with the new free time you have?

I’d say give it some time op.

Many kids are hesitant at first and then adapt. I think nursery has given my kids much more than i could have done personally with toddler groups etc.

2 year olds are also going through a crazy time. My 2 year old has a daily massive meltdown and doesn’t know what she wants. Constant ‘i want the fruit, don’t want fruit. I want fruit! Don’t want it!’

It's really not important for a 2 year old to develop independence!

Yes, lots of under 3s have to go to childcare because parents work but it's definitely not a vital part of child development.

The first month or so can be like this. The drop off can be horrendous, just try to keep it short and be cheerful (even if you are not feeling that way at all!) and get out as soon as you can. If it's a good nursery, most kids are fine within a minute of their parents leaving. If he is still unsettled all day at nursery after a couple of weeks, it might be too soon.

Children tend to really start enjoying nursery and their peers at preschool age.

They do make friends earlier of course but I think the 2-3yo cohort are the hardest to settle in when they start at that age.

It will take a bit of time before he is confident but he will settle in time. Half days are a good starting point and then lengthening the days later if you want to once he runs in excited to play.

My personal opinion is that they get much more out of nursery for themselves at preschool (3+). I know most parents have no choice if they are working but this is my observation over the years.

Having been a nursery teacher, 2 year old often really struggle to settle! But by 3 and a half they stroll in happily. If he doesn’t need to go I’d wait until the year before school and try him for a few hours then.

If you don’t need the childcare then honestly I’d probably leave it until he was 3.