Nursery dilemma

[ThatPearlZebra]

My daughter is 11 months old she has just done her first few settling sessions at nursery and seems to be getting on well. There is the obvious upset when I drop her off but she tends to recover and settle relatively quickly. She is integrating with the other children and staff well, we are told. Now my dilemma is that this nursery is one run by a company (they have 3 nurseries in total I think) and isn’t attached to a school so it was our second choice. Our first choice nursery was the village one attached to the school so she would in theory go to nursery then onto primary school with the same children. She was waitlisted for this nursery but we have been told that she could have a place there in about 5 months. My husband is really pushing for me to move her when the place becomes available but I am sceptical about giving her such an upheaval. The nursery she is currently at is arguably a better nursery, is on my way to work and is no more than 8/10 minutes out of my husbands way home from work. My mother in law is also pushing for me to move her to the school nursery as she is adamant there will be a day she will have to pick my daughter up (we’ve never asked her to and I can’t see a reason she would have to other than in an emergency) and she picks my sister in laws children up from the school nursery so it’s easiest for her. My mum works early morning shifts so is available most of the time if we needed her collecting and neither of us could do it and her current nursery is the closest for my mum. My mum is easy going and hasn’t expressed an opinion either other than to say she has heard of really fantastic reviews for the current nursery.
I must say there is nothing wrong with either nursery and I am completely happy with how she is settling at the current nursery but I also understand my husbands point that she would know more children when starting primary school if we moved her.
I’d also like to add that I started her at nursery a few weeks before my maternity leave ended so I could go to her if there were any issues (luckily there haven’t been yet but she hasn’t done a full day there until next week) and if we move her in a few months I’ll be back at work and not so readily available if there are issues with the transition.

I just don’t know what to do, honest opinions please
But

Leave her

What is the benefit of moving her now rather than later (closer to preschool phase)?

It’s my husbands argument so I must admit it doesn’t fully resonate with me but I can understand the logic.
My niece and nephew both made friends with children by age 2 and are still friends with them now so by using that logic, moving her now would eliminate the ‘loss’ of friendships compared to moving her later

Developmentally, children really aren’t capable of making friends at that age so if your niece and nephew are still friends with the same children they were playing alongside at 2, I’d say that was coincidence and nothing more. Personally, I wouldn’t move a 1 year old who has already settled in one nursery environment and gotten used to a set of unfamiliar adults taking care of them straight into another new environment. I can’t imagine that doing anything positive for the child, and their immediate wellbeing would be the only thing I’d consider.

So your daughter isn’t at the school nursery because it currently has no space for her? It’s likely she’s not the only one? It’s likely in this situation that there are other children at the nursery with your dd who will go to the village school.

Is the school a state school? Because going to a school nursery is no guarantee of a place at the school.

Does the school nursery open for the hours you require and in school holidays?

If she has settled and you are happy then leave her - for now at least.
You could consider moving her for the year before she starts school so she’d be more familiar with the school etc. but I’d imagine that lots of the children at her current nursery will be going to this school anyway?

She isn't guaranteed into that school anyway just because she's went to nursery there.

I wouldn't move my 1 year old tbh

Kids in nursery are usually only friends because of proximity and/ or because their parents manage those friendships. In my experience kids all make friends when starting primary regardless of which nursery they went to so I wouldn't worry about that aspect at all.

Do you have childcare for the 13 weeks a year the school nursery will be closed? Because this would be a huge factor in my decision. I wouldn't move her now as she is settled and you yourself have said it is a better nursery.

It also will not have any beating on whether she gets into the primary school it is attached to, it is not part of the admissions criteria so other than not knowing as many of the children moving up, it won't advantage you in that way.

I would leave her where she is for now and have a rethink in a year or 18 months. You may find lots of the families at this nursery will also send their children to that primary school- but need year round childcare that school nurseries don't offer.

My dcs went to a nursery that wasn’t attached to the school but they weren’t the only ones from their nursery who went there.

The school nursery does actually run during holidays as well so that isn’t an issue in this case. As for her going to that school, the school is at the top of a hill and we live at the bottom of the hill with the next nearest school being an 8/10 minute drive (we’re in quite a rural area) so I would be shocked if she didn’t get into this school when the time comes.

I think I will tell my husband this conversation can be tabled and maybe picked up again at a later date or if any problems with the current nursery arise.

Appreciate all the responses. I think my gut feeling to leave her where she is was right but I do feel better now I have sanity checked it a bit.

There will be children that don't go to the school nursery

• They will be with other childcarers they have been with since they were younger than school nursery will take them and parents don't want to unsettle them.
• School nursery may only do school hours and so it may not fit with longer work days that parents need
• Children may be at childminders or with relatives that parents like using or that pick up older children from school

My point is there will be many reasons why children don't go to school nursery. You can move your child of course, but it isn't the case that she will be massively disadvantaged by NOT going to school nursery.

Any friends she makes can move away at any time at her age loving consistent environment is much more important and at around 18 months is not a great time to move as they go through stronger attachment then.

@ThatPearlZebra No child really makes friends at 2. They cooperate when playing but its parents who facilitate everything. Some children would not be able to say much at 2 to other dc to form any friendship. It’s just playing without knowing anything about the other dc to make a judgement. Parents get friendly because they know each other and dc go along with that - curated friendships. Friendships might not form with dc making active choices by YR at all. Often later than age when when clubs and interests become more obvious and dc discover they have something in common.

Regarding moving - are other dc at your nursery going to this school? My DDs went with several from nursery and it made no odds regarding starting school. DD went to secondary with no primary dc at all. They find friends and they are not necessarily dc they have clung on to from age 2 because they all change. I would only move if school nursery was a lot better