So nervous about preschool!!

[nervousmummyofsoontobe3]

Hi, it’s my first post here so please be kind! I am expecting my surprise baby number 3 in a few months. I have a 7 year old happily settled in school and a just turned 3 year old who is currently at home with me 3 days a week and with grandparents 2 days a week when I am at work. This works for us all and everyone is happy with the arrangement.

My 3 year old is lovely, chatty and confident at home and doing well. She is a lot more shy and reserved in front of strangers, especially other children I have noticed, and prefers to be around me when in other settings.

She is due to start preschool at my son’s school in sept for 2.5 days and I am feeling so so unreasonably anxious about this.

We are happy with the school generally but from experience with my son it’s a large preschool with 3 full classes that are set up to open up the rooms at some points in the day and potentially have up to 75 children mixing.

My son also went to a private nursery setting before this so settled into the preschool relatively well but I did notice, as expected, the one to one feedback and support for each child was less with just a teacher and teaching assistant per class. I barely got any feedback apart from parents evenings or if I asked (which wasn’t always easy when 26 children are being picked up the same time from the same teacher!)

A big pro of this was that he settled into reception very quickly with no problems as he was familiar with the school.

My concern is my daughter has not been in any child care setting before this and I am so anxious about her settling and how she will cope. She is so shy and different to my son. Will she better off waiting until reception? Or a more intimate nursery setting for that year? Or a different nursery before September so she is used to being away from me and around other children? I know it’s 6 months away but I don’t feel she’s ready yet. And as I am due baby 3 soon I don’t really want to introduce another big life change for her at the moment as I feel it will too much for us both! In September baby will be 6 months old so hopefully we will be more settled.

I have also been suffering with health anxiety recently, especially around my children being ill, which I didn’t have when my son was a toddler. It just suddenly came on in the last year or so which I am working on. So I’m not sure if this is contributing to my anxiety about this in combination with the pregnancy hormones and the pending nerves about coping with 3 children!
I felt the normal nerves with my son starting but feel this is on a different level.

My rational brain tells me she will be absolutely fine, might take some time to settle but it will be good for her and for me to have time with baby and as a transition to school. The irrational part of me says she’ll hate it, will never settle with a new baby coming and I want to keep her home forever!!! Any advice welcome thank you!

I’m in the same boat so following. I am no expert as haven’t yet gone through it but rather than two full days could mornings only help? That was the guidance we received that full days may be a bit difficult and this is predictability to begin with.

No. You cannot keep her at home. She will get used to others. You will be busy with the baby so it’s time to allow her to move into the next phase of her childhood and prepare for school. She’s not prepared for nursery, so how would you prepare her for school? It’s even more of a jump.

I’d definitely start nursery and be positive about it. It’s a normal phase for all dc. It’s not like she will be the first reticent child they have seen. Best start with them as they have the expertise, time and staffing to help her adjust. Dc change in personality a lot and can manage a lot more between 3 and 4. She wants you because you haven’t expected her to stay with anyone else and it’s a shame you haven’t used childcare settings. But you there you are and your anxiety should not hold your DD back. It’s her development that matters and getting along with other dc and playing with them is vital.

Don’t hesitate to send her, especially because she is shy. If you don’t send her, it’s quite possible she will struggle even more at school.

My friend’s DD had a shyness issue when starting reception and it needed a lot of intervention from support staff as she was refusing to interact with teachers and join in activities.

My kids need far more stimulation at that age than we provide at home. Plus the preschool will do things like pencil grip, writing, and prepare them for school etc.

I understand the anxiety. In my opinion I would try and get her a space well before the baby comes. That way it’s less for her like oh the baby is here and now you can’t stay with mummy. Also will give her Time to settle before the next upheaval. It will be tricky for a while but she will settle kids are much more resilient than we give them credit for. Also it sounds like a big primary if the nursery if that big so look at us as though you are easing her in now rather than when she has to go to school formally. It will make her transition to FS2 much easier in my
experience.

Agree with all of this, including suggestion to get a place earlier.

It doesn't sound like an ideal setting or schedule, if the 2.5 days is 2 long days and a half day. I don't like those open plan settings and think it's often for the convenience of the nursery than what is best for dcs.
My dd was comfortable with separating but her preschool had just 9 dcs with 2 staff when she started, and she started on 5 mornings so she was only there for 3.5 hours at a time at first. It is worth looking around to see if there is a smaller setting to start with, but it may be hard to find places. Eventually she'll be fine whichever setting she goes to, but a gentler introduction would be of benefit.

Thank you all for the replies really appreciate it.

Unfortunately the preschool only offers places from September and there is only the option of 2.5 days or 5 full days and nothing in between! And no option for only mornings etc. I do believe they transition them in and adjust pick up time initially depending on how they cope but eventually she will be doing the 2 full days and the half day.

I totally agree this will help settle her in before school and will make the transition easier which is why I have signed her up.

I also agree a smaller nursery setting may be better for her initially but unfortunately I have left it too late to find her somewhere and settle her before baby arrives. And it would mean then settling her and transition to the preschool after a just few months.

My older son goes to this school and practically with a baby would make sense to do the same drop off and pick up especially as it’s a 5-10 mins walk from us. I did look into other preschools but would be difficult with similar pick up and drop off times unless I use afterschool/breakfast club?

I'd really do everything you can to get her into nursery in advance of baby arriving. Putting her in nursery the first time after baby arrives is likely going to make it much harder as she'll feel pushed out. Most important if you need to work on your own feelings about it, children are so sensitive to our emotions. You need to be as relaxed and happy about it as possible, and talk about it only in a positive way.

@nervousmummyofsoontobe3 All parents want the mornings though don’t they? No one ever wants afternoons and that’s why choice is limited. If you cannot find a mornings only setting, you are stuck with what’s on offer. I’d try it and I see the transition to 2.5 days as useful and helpful. She might well be perfectly fine with a transition period and I’d not worry about size. Dc are zoned in terms of play and learning. You will also get to meet other mums and this will help you too. From your update, I think it looks positive.

I agree with everyone else that it's good for her to have some experience of nursery or preschool before starting school. I would also not be keen on the big, open plan setting for a shyer child. (I'm actually not that keen on them, full stop, when it gets to 60+ children.)

Are there any private nurseries relatively near the school that might have availability for September? A good private nursery is just as good preparation for school, and they are usually much smaller, and critically, much more flexible on drop off and pick up, so you could drop off your daughter either just before or just after dropping off your eldest, and then the same at pick up. You can use your funded hours at most private nurseries as well.

Start with half a day and build up?

At three they start to enjoy being with their peers and even shy children begin to enjoy company outside their family. Preschoolers are usually the quickest age group to settle into nursery.

I’m guessing the longer days are around 9-3 and the half day 9-12 or 1. These are reasonable length days and most children cope with them well at this age. I think it is harder for us as parents to let them take the next steps.