Would nursery tell me if my 19-month-old wasn’t settling well?

[2088cm]

We have just started DD at a new nursery. She is 19 months old. We took her out of the old one as she was getting upset at drop off but also throughout the day, and then she started to get upset at pick up too, and we just felt it wasn’t working any more.

The new nursery is calm, with a good routine and experienced staff.

The thing is, I suppose I was half expecting DD not to settle there either. Yet to my great surprise, her key worker tells me that although she is upset at drop off, she settles quickly and then goes on to have a good day.

I admit I have been quite anxious about the whole situation and so I just need a sense check - if she was unhappy throughout the day, they would call me, wouldn’t they? And if they felt the setting wasn’t working out, they would tell me?

I can only go based on my own experience with my child but yes I think they would and ours certainly does. They don’t want to be dealing with an unhappy child all day anymore than you want your unhappy child there all day x

Thank you, that is a good point.

Sometimes a setting just isn't right for a child but then they settle better at a new setting because it is the right place for them. The nursery may not tell you about every single little cry or moan but if your baby was consistently upset every day and for extended periods of time then of course they would tell you.

I don’t think they’d be calling you to say she’s upset but would 100% give you a detailed run down of her day at pick up, including how she’s got on emotionally too, and if they don’t, just ask. Most nursery workers care from my experience. Mine would tell me the details from what they did, and how they’re settling as it’s all built into their development. Don’t worry, and just ask x

23 years in childcare and yes we would tell you.
They would start to cut the child's time so yiu would know.

I think you need to address your own anxiety that your child no longer cries.
I’ve seen it in settings where the kid comes bouncing in but the mum calls them back and one more kiss/ cuddle and mummy will miss you and then kid gets upset and then they walk away as it’s filled their need for their kid to want them to stay.

not saying this is you but you need to look at yourself and what your behaviour is communicating so you don’t pass on your anxieties without meaning to.

relax that your kid seems content and you made the right choice by switching. There maybe some bumps down the road but you will overcome those. You need to address this before school as the teacher does not have time to give a blow by blow account of the day about 30 pupils

Also can I just suggest, as someone with 7 kids and worked in a nursery, please don’t hover at drop off, it massively causes more distress to your child, the longer you hover the more her anxiety will heighten. I learned very quickly from my first kid 20 odd years ago drop and leave fast, so I done the same with all of them, working in a childcare it was always the parents who kept trying to reassure their kid at the door and kept hugging them and dragging it out that it was those kids cried the longest after parents left, it wasn’t fair and it’s more for the parents benefit than the child’s as they struggle to let go more than the kid. After years then dropping and leaving my kids the staff always said with each child “if only ever parent dropped and left as quick as you we’d have a lot less crying and distressed kids” 😂 One lady was her only child, she’d stand talking to other parents outside the door, they’d move the child away so he couldn’t see her and they’d be settling him on their knee giving him hugs and distracting him, she’d then go to the window 10 mins after finishing her yapping, knock the window to get his attention to wave bye and he’d scream the place down 🤦🏼‍♀️ A few times at the beginning she stayed in her car the whole 3 hours In the carpark and he’d keep checking and crying when he saw her car 🙄 The staff after couple times asked her just to leave as it was causing him more upset

They would - I mean they’re barely above minimum wage so they wouldn’t want unsettled children to look after all day - many have waiting lists. In my experience, the upset is always for mum - loads of kids of all ages show upset to parents and then don’t give them a fleeting thought until collection. They then change into an anxious being again - I wonder if the parents are the cause - try not to be anxious, she’ll be having a lovely time.

They would. But I always think a better indication is how they seem when you pick them up rather than going in.

if your nursery setting has a window you can drop off, leave little ones room duck out the door, wait 10mins and then peak back round.

Miss 2.5 cried and had to be handed off for a good 4 months when she started but 5mins later when I peaked in the window she was busy and engaged :)

Depends on the nursery. I wouldn’t expect them to be continually upset on drop off.

If you can, when you pick up, try to come in quietly and see her before she sees you – then you can get a sense of whether she's settled and engaged (bearing in mind that if you pick up 5-6 pm, she'll naturally be tired).

Mine were both a bit tricky with settling in, and I can remember the room supervisor meeting me in the corridor and bringing me in very quietly a couple of times so I could see my wee one engrossed in the home corner or happily doing wind the bobbin up with one of the staff or whatever.

Yes I imagine they would. But also remember that if they are an experienced staff group they will be equipped to handle a low level of upset and won’t necessarily jump to call you at every little cry, which would reassure me somewhat. I’m sure they’d let you know if if she was really upset for prolonged periods.
Do they fill out a daily diary or similar? Because that’s the kind of thing they might use to keep you updated as well as chatting at pick up. I’m also sure they’ll understand that you might need reassurance as this is a new settling.