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Original poster

Having an absolute nightmare

9 replies

JLB234 · 03/02/2026 20:16

My 19 month old has become really attached to her key worker to the point that she is inconsolable and will scream if she leaves the room. She also cries every time I drop her off at nursery whereas previously, she went in absolutely no bother.

The manager of the nursery asked me to come in for a chat tonight and said that she wouldn’t even eat today because of it and that they’re worried about her wellbeing. They also asked if there was anything I could suggest but I felt at a loss as it’s not something we’re dealing with to a large extent at home.

I’m working full time and currently 29 weeks pregnant. Maybe it’s just hormones but I’m worried sick that I’m doing something to cause it or that things won’t improve. Any advice or positive stories would’ve most welcome.

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
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Peclet · 03/02/2026 20:20

Sounds like you’ve got a good nursery there who are trying to find out what they can do to help.

Does your Dd have a comfort item that she can take in to nursery. Or a favourite book?

Original poster
JLB234 · 03/02/2026 20:26

@Peclet the nursery are amazing and we’re so grateful that they care so much about her. Unfortunately, she’s not really attached to anything teddy or book wise at home. I did think about that but she plays/cuddles/reads lots of different things rather than having one favourite.

OP posts:
girlabouthome · 03/02/2026 20:36

She is so little, does she have to be there? It sounds like she is searching for a secure attachment/primary caregiver.

Once you leave her - she is searching for the next best thing.

I’m sorry if this upsets you, that isn’t my intention.

fashionqueen0123 · 03/02/2026 20:40

When do you go on mat leave? At least then you can take her out for as long as you’re off -if you need to. So probably not too far off from that?
It sounds like she wants to be close to one person which is really normal for that age. The key worker shouldn’t be gone for long throughout the day - maybe for a lunch break? It’s good that the nursery have noticed. What do they do when she cries?

Original poster
JLB234 · 03/02/2026 20:51

@girlabouthome unfortunately, my husband, me and my parents all work full time so she does have to be in childcare.

@fashionqueen0123 I am going to reduce her hours once I go on MAT leave but I was planning on her still being there for 2-3 days as I will need to return to work after leave and I feel like it’ll be worse if I have to start all over again? She never leaves the room for long but as the nursery says, it’s just not sustainable for her to be there all the time. They try to distract her but apparently she’s just not having any of it. I’m at a total loss and feel they are too.

OP posts:
fashionqueen0123 · 03/02/2026 21:14

JLB234 · 03/02/2026 20:51

@girlabouthome unfortunately, my husband, me and my parents all work full time so she does have to be in childcare.

@fashionqueen0123 I am going to reduce her hours once I go on MAT leave but I was planning on her still being there for 2-3 days as I will need to return to work after leave and I feel like it’ll be worse if I have to start all over again? She never leaves the room for long but as the nursery says, it’s just not sustainable for her to be there all the time. They try to distract her but apparently she’s just not having any of it. I’m at a total loss and feel they are too.

Edited

If you’re off for a year, that’s a huge period of time for her at this age. I’d be tempted to take her out totally so you can spend as much time with her as possible or go down to their minimum which is probably 2 days. Or do half day sessions? As it’s a long day for little ones. And can break up the day nicely.

Then when she went back she’d be what closer to 3?! Have you considered schools - I know it’s a way off but lots of people change to a preschool at 3. I guess I’m just saying don’t worry about a years time now. Do what’s best for now.

Is there maybe a second worker they can get her to spend some extra time with? So she has two friendly faces there so to speak. There must be others in the baby/toddler room. Or little friends?

BoredZelda · 03/02/2026 21:17

JLB234 · 03/02/2026 20:16

My 19 month old has become really attached to her key worker to the point that she is inconsolable and will scream if she leaves the room. She also cries every time I drop her off at nursery whereas previously, she went in absolutely no bother.

The manager of the nursery asked me to come in for a chat tonight and said that she wouldn’t even eat today because of it and that they’re worried about her wellbeing. They also asked if there was anything I could suggest but I felt at a loss as it’s not something we’re dealing with to a large extent at home.

I’m working full time and currently 29 weeks pregnant. Maybe it’s just hormones but I’m worried sick that I’m doing something to cause it or that things won’t improve. Any advice or positive stories would’ve most welcome.

Thanks in advance

I had this pretty much for 4 years of nursery. Nothing helped. Sorry!

marcyhermit · 04/02/2026 13:43

Maybe you'd be better off with a childminder so your baby can have 1 steady attachment figure?

skkyelark · 04/02/2026 13:51

How long has this been going on? I would second the suggestion about whether another member of staff in the room could focus on building a closer relationship with her. Another idea might be if her keyworker can give your wee one 'something to look after' until she comes back. What it is doesn't really matter, just a little physical link to hold on to.

How big is her room at nursery, how many staff, and how stable are the staff – is there lots of turnover or lots of use of agency staff?

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