AIBU when my childs key workers are not there

[BabyMac2023]

My child goes to an amazing nursery, rated outstanding by ofsted, 5 star reviews, staff seem lovely and caring and a beautiful setting - no complaints there at all.

we were unfortunate in that the only weekdays we could get for nursery were a Monday and Friday, which means often our child’s key workers have those days booked as holiday, so it has been quite inconsistent week to week with who will be there, and sometimes it’s been neither of them, and I’ve left my child with one of the other nursery workers.

My child is still really unsettled and I’m not sure what to do, out of the 12 weeks they’ve been at nursery 7 weeks equivalent their primary key worker hasn’t been there, and a few weeks for their secondary.

I am really nervous about attachment theory and my child growing up anxious because they’re often left without a key worker.

AIBU or is this normal for nursery settings?

So I would see the key issue here is that your DC is struggling to settle, rather than the key worker. Speak to the Nursery Manager about that, they should be able to put some extra attention in there.

The key worker idea is nice, but realistically your child will deal with multiple people throughout the day even when they're there. And their key worker will change when they move rooms, staff leave etc. So I would be looking more to see that they are secure 'in the environment'. My baby DS is equally happy with all three main staff in his room, but also with completely different staff on the odd occasion when they've all been off in the afternoon. He's secure in the setting, rather reliant on a particular individual. So then I wasn't too worried when his key worker was on annual leave for two weeks.

Just going in two non-consecutive days is a hard one to settle into, I'd say that's probably more the problem.

It sounds like they have two key people to mitigate impact of staff taking holiday etc. Even if both first and second key person aren't in, the children interact pretty equally with all staff members in the room so there should be familiar people with them. I promise they aren't just left to their own devices because their key person isn't in.

How old is your child? If the primary key person is away, is the secondary key person always there and vice versa?

Agree with previous poster about settling, it sounds like the child would be struggling to settle no matter who's there that day.

Thanks so much for your reply and that’s a good point @Starrystarrysky he’s definitely not settled/secure in the setting yet, perhaps when that does happen, it will not matter so much 😊

He’s 15 months, been going for 3 months now, and in theory yes they are meant to cover each other, but as his days are Mondays and Fridays, there have been a free times where they’re both off. There are 6 staff in the room total, when both aren’t there, he ends up going between a few of them I think 😊

If you're really worried about attachment then a nursery is not for you!

But staff taking holiday or being off sick is normal and will happen in any nursery. As pp said it's likely that he's struggling to settle because he only has two non-consecutive days and it's always harder for them to settle this way. He'll soon get to know all the staff.

When DD started nursery at 13 months she struggled to settle on 2 days a week. It improved a lot when she went up to 3. I suspect part of the issue is that 2 days, spread out, is not a lot at that age for continuity. Combine that with some staff variability and that's probably why.

Definitely worth a chat with nursery about how to help him but I wouldn't lean too hard on staff leave.

Our key worker had very little actual relevance apart from writing a few lines every few months on his progress. We were told when he started it was quite common for the kids to pick their own favourite, usually not related to who had been allocated as key worker! I agree with pp it’s probably the lack of consecutive days. It might be better to try and find a different setting that has more availability.

For secure attachment, you're much better with a childminder for that sort of age.

My DS does two different days each week due to shift work, his keyworker is PT - Monday, Thursday and Friday. I don't work Thursdays so he barely saw her and struggled to settle. This year I'm on maternity, he's on set days with a full-time keyworker who he sees both days and it's made a world of difference.

I think it’s more normal for rooms to have a leader and others working there as well with key workers being the person who has responsibility for writing up any daily updates etc. It’s better for a child to be familiar and happy with a setting and all the workers, rather than needing to be reliant upon a certain person or two being there. What happens if they quit?

Two days a week with days between each day is hard. I think 2 days together are better. I’d be speaking to nursery about if you can get two days together and if you can’t what the wait is like to get two together. If it was a long time I’d be thinking about what other options for childcare you have.

Yes fair point @NuffSaidSam 😊and agreed on the non-consecutive days, we’re on the internal waiting list to switch over when other days have availability

@SquigglePigs that’s really interesting to know, thank you! We’re on the list to either get consecutive days or add in an extra day, maybe that will help!

@Maraudingmarauders thanks, thats really interesting that’s been your experience too, when i spoke to the nursery today they said the same, that he goes between different staff members anyway!

@FuzzyWolf yes very true, and he does seem to be gradually getting more used to the setting and the people, we’re lucky that as a whole the nursery seems to have fairly low turnover. Hopefully he’ll get more used to everyone and the setting soon

Thanks @randomusernam really helpful, and yes we’re on the list but definitely worth finding out how long it will take. We’d definitely move to a childminder if one in our area had space. Childcare has been a nightmare to find where we live!😊

Childminders aren’t automatically better. Don’t get sucked into the MN school of thought on this subject! I have not met one childminder I’d leave my children with, to be honest. That’s not to say that they can’t be great, just that it isn’t a given.

They're not automatically better of course. Its entirely dependent on the individual. But the family style setup of a small childminding setting is better designed for young children than the more institutional style of a nursery. This is particularly true if you're looking through the lens of attachment theory.

A great childminder will always be better than a great nursery. I think even a good childminder is better than a great nursery. But a great nursery will beat a mediocre or poor childminder.

Yes; same. Admittedly most of the ones I’ve seen have just been snaps but how they treat children at toddler groups or at local nature reserves is enough to ensure they’ve never been caring for one of my children.

Family style = ignored at soft play while childminders have a gossip about the parents of the children they are meant to be caring for; I’ll take my chances with my institution.

My son does 2 days a week and his keyworker only works for half of one of them as standard 😅 I've no idea why she's his keyworker.

He doesn't seem affected, anyway. I'd second that the combination of only 2 days, and them being non-consecutive, is a much bigger deal here.

12 months is a difficult age to settle in childcare,so give it time, but it is especially hard in a large nursery which with 6 staff in the room it must be pretty big. Maybe it’s not a good fit though for you or DS would a childminder or smaller nursery be an option? My DD went to nursery and never bonded with any key worker she had but always had one or two staff she loved.

I would ignore how brilliant Ofsted says the nursery is, it sounds like this may not be the right place for you and your child.

3 months is a long time for a baby to feel upset and unsettled 2 days a week.i think the odds are stacked against this improving as the days are non consecutive too.

6 adults in a room must mean a lot of babies and toddlers all in together, so a very busy environment.

I would look for somewhere smaller where they are more prepared.to work with you to find the right way to help settle ds.

The current place can't offer you more hours, consecutive days, consistent key workers.....

The key worker is more the go between between you and his progress at nursery, the person who will do assessments and write up observations. The staff will care for all children collectively and get to know them all really well and the children will decide who they are most comfortable with over time - that may not be the allocated key worker. Children are generally allocated someone before they start and before they know them.

I think it's probably more to do the days you've been given unfortunately.