My kids were shoved around in nursery

[166lady]

I had a settling in day for my twins (aged 22 months) yesterday. We were there 2 hours and honestly they loved it they were playing painting running etc and one of my twin boys is very shy and even he warmed up and loved it. They went to play in the garden and a bigger older kid (maybe by a year) was playing there. He started to shove them hard and his mum was also there who was doing “gentle parenting” which wasn’t working.

He shoved one of my boys and as I picked him up to move him away he went to my other son and pushed him into the gate and he cried for ages. As this was the first time they were in nursery this broke my heart. He was running after them grabbing their collar and I hurriedly took them inside.

The staff were generally nice but they also had an open day on so staff were busy handling more parents coming to see the nursery.

When they do start nursery properly how do I deal with this? They are starting 2 days in January, I don’t want them getting shoved around and hit, they’re really loving to other kids and animals and I don’t want them traumatised so little.

Why didn’t you say anything to the mother or staff at the time!

When they start nursery properly they will be with children their own age and appropriate staff ratios. Staff will manage children’s behaviour but yes children will get knocked/hurt from time to time both accidentally and on purpose .
What you described could happen anywhere - nursery, soft play, park etc it’s a natural fact of putting children together in groups. The question is do you trust the nursery to manage it appropriately?

She was saying to her son “use gentle hands” which wasn’t working at all and I did say to her he’s shoved both I’m taking them inside and the staff were all with other parents. I saw another child go outside and again the same kid started to shove and run after him

This. It was a contrived situation with parents in charge of children in the nursery. When there’s no parents it’s much easier for staff to manage.

It’s really difficult for staff to manage children’s behaviour when they’re in the care of their parents. I’m a childminder, when I do handover it’s then the parent’s responsibility to take charge of their child. I’ve handed the reins over so to speak.

open days are difficult, it’s just not possible for staff to take charge of all the children as they’re also trying to control what happens with the adults too. Also, they don’t know the children or the needs of the children.

behaviour management should fall to the parent in these situations.

I think the staff will deal with it better when the mum is not there. They probably leave it up to the parents when they are there - but I doubt they will turn a blind eye on a normal day.

Nursery and the early years in general have a massive mix from very quiet, gentle children to very active kids with little self-regulation. Parents tend to think it’s all parenting, it’s not. It’s mostly genetics and predisposition. That woman’s gentle parenting may eventually work, mine did. But many children do push and shove, and bite. The great thing about nursery is that they learn from each other. Yours as much as hers.

I know it’s difficult but it’s all part of growing up.