Nursery daily activities - am I expecting too much?

[MimiArtini]

Just wanted to get a sense check from others about nursery routines and what your little ones do day to day.

My DD is 18 months and at nursery three days a week. She’s in the baby room and one of the oldest there now.. due to move up just before 2.

I just can’t shake the feeling that they don’t really do much with them, and wonder if she’s actually happy or just puts up with it as she’s easy going. For context she’s happy enough to go (not ecstatic but fine, although it used to be tears for awhile but at the time she was only doing 2days) and comes out happy enough too. They’re pretty terrible at updating photos on their app but will talk to you at the end of the day about the day they’ve had and update you on food eaten, naptime and nappy changes. I can kind of accept lack of app photo updates as I’d rather they were engaged with kids than worried about ipads.. but I don’t truly know if they are and feel like I don’t have enough insight to shake my concerns.

Whenever I ask about her day activities I get vague answers like “she enjoyed singing and circle time” but not much more in terms of structure. I know they go in the garden sometimes and have done the occasional sand or water play, but it sounds like they’re mostly in the same room all day with not a lot going on just free play.

I totally understand that at this age it’s about free play, but I was expecting a bit more engagement or at least better insight into the day.

The other thing is, they always say she’s such an easy baby because she eats well, naps well, doesn’t cry etc.. they have said “we wish they were all like her” which is lovely and I know I’m lucky in that respect, but I cant help feel like because she’s “easy” she likely doesn’t get much attention and is left to her own devices (great for them, not so much for DD). Eg they also say she’s very quiet at nursery, weren’t aware she talks but at home she’s so chatty and full of personality. I know kids can be different in different settings and admittedly she is quiet around others sometimes (like our friends popping over for example, until she’s comfortable within the hour) but part of me wonders if she’s just not being properly engaged with there to come out of her shell.

I guess my questions are:

What’s a typical day like in your child’s nursery (especially at this age)?

How much do you actually know about what they do day to day?

Am I expecting too much for them to be doing more structured or varied things in the baby room?

Just trying to figure out if this is normal or if I should be looking for somewhere else.. And if I’m expecting too much and should just be happy she’s content enough.

The key staff seem genuinely caring so it’s hard to be negative, but I know they’re busy with the more demanding kids too and they are a bit vague when asked questions so I can’t shake the feeling I should be feeling more positive sending DD there?

Sounds fine to me. Our nursery routine was usually a crafty activity in the morning, followed by morning snack then free play, then lunch and nap. Then they'd usually go outside in the afternoon, sometimes they have more activities, sometimes they did organised activities like forest school or diddy kicks. There was always a lot of free play, because kids that age do just tend to love free play! Of course they are pretty much in the same room all day. Where else would they go?
I mean, ours did the very occasional local walk but very rarely. Playing outside was enough and they had a large playground.

@MimiArtini If you need to move her, do it.

I'd also be concerned they don't realise she can talk. DD1 was quite slow to speak to the staff, but I've got observations for her where they were very clearly monitoring her speech development by 'eavesdropping' on her chatting to herself or the other wee ones.

The other thing I watched early on was whether they seemed to know her – did what they were telling me about what she liked and what she could do match what I saw at home (more or less), or did it feel like they were talking about a generic toddler?

That said, ours does quite a lot with the 18-24 month room – homemade play dough out basically every day with different things added/tools/etc. to ring the changes, generally some other sort of sensory play, painting pretty regularly, community walks also pretty regularly including, e.g., local train station to watch the trains, etc. Baking every few weeks maybe?

I don’t think they really know her. This is my main concern now tbh. I’d guess reality is they don’t have time to give her one on one time.. especially if she’s not crying or demanding the attention - hence not realising she’s a talker. Everytime I pick her up I see her sitting by herself which doesn’t make me feel great about it..

Really contemplating moving her now to a smaller childminder type setting.. but as she’ll be two soonish and likely to thrive in nursery the older she gets I’m torn about going through the change in an established routine! Also looking into other nurseries around..

How do other parents know their children are really happy? Do you just go off their happiness to attend or do your nurseries communicate well enough to give you that insight.. I think part of my issue is that they don’t give me much insight into the day , barely any photos just vague chat… I get told she’s had a good day but vague answers about what she’s been up to

It seems as though your DD seems happy and settled from what you say but you have doubts due to her not being chatty at nursery. At nursery she likely does a lot of listening with stories, music and is engrossed in free play. At home of course she will chat with you more. You’ll be astounded at how much she talks soon to you and to everyone.

It sounds as though you want her doing a varied and exciting curriculum at this tender age with lovely photos to prove it.

Mine have always been with a CM, daily outings, free play, big focus on language and communication as well as personal well being and a strong relationship with the CM and DC’s little friends, which is enough for me at that age. I haven’t cared about activities and photos.

Look into the Hygge Scandinavian type of theory for very young children, it might reassure you. What they need at this age is a slower and calmer pace, to be connected to others and nature.

Look at the other theories like Montessori, Froebelian, etc and see what style you like. Then you can take it from there to research nurseries that better suit your idea of a curriculum but also keep in mind your daughters emotional development and security is the most important priority right now, not fancy arts and crafts.

So we get pictures a bit as and when, so I didn't focus too much on those (as much as you want your child to look happy and/or engaged in a fair number of them). We get a pretty detailed handover, which would sometimes include little anecdotes about something specific they'd said or done.

I also watched what was happening when I picked up, especially if you can do a few early pick ups. I wouldn't be keen on always sitting alone, unless you know your daughter naturally tends to solitary play when she's getting tired. I usually picked up quite late, so often the staff would be tidying play dough, etc. away if the children still there were playing happily, but they would still be chatting a bit with them, the same way you might at home as you did a chore. And sometimes you'd arrive and they'd be sat on a staff member's knee reading a story or singing a song, because that was what they needed in that moment.

She’s 18 months old and you’re asking if she’s just putting up with it for an easy time. She’s 18 MONTHS old. What do you expect her to ask to play scrabble or trivial pursuits

I’m asking if she’s just putting up with being placed in an environment she doesn’t feel very comfortable or happy/engaged with..
There is a big difference between genuine happiness to be somewhere outside of our home (e.g she’s so excited to spend time at her nanas house) versus feeling a bit flat but knowing she has no choice so doesn’t bother expressing this through crying etc

At 18months no I’m not expecting grand activities but I know she could be showing more excitement to attend

Just to say to anyone who ever reads this thread for similar advice - we ended up moving her and it was the best decision!

Shes soo happy to go to nursery now, the new ones communication and activities are much better and I feel much happier sending her. In comparison the previous one really wasn’t doing too much with the kids all day - but it was hard to know if that was normal with nothing to compare it to. Go with your gut!!

It always makes sense to show up unexpectedly one day, not at the usual collection time and judge atmosphere, activities, staffing and your child’s state for yourself.

Free play is good for their imagination and ability to manage their own boredom. Also don't under estimate how long the mundane day to day things take for them all to do at once eg snacks, hand washing, lunch, nap, more snacks etc. There are probably 30mins to an hour in between those things. In the morning ours did circle time and what's in the box, reading etc as routine. Free play and garden play but also trays set up with themes and painting sometimes, but not every day. I also don't get a lot of app updates but a thorough verbal handover on pick up.