Putting my baby into nursery at 4.5 months old. I feel so upset

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I live abroad and our maternity leave isn’t as long as the UK’s. I need to go back to work and will be putting my baby into nursery (I have visited and it does seem lovely) but I feel horrendous. She will go for 3 days a week.
It is making me so upset, I feel sick at the thought of leaving her so early on but we need my income.We need to do the settling in week but I amscared I will just cry and don’t want to rub my energy off on her. Any wise words for me?

She'll be with you 4 days a week, and at 4.5 months she'll settle in so easily to nursery compared to later on. My ds went at 4.5 months and he had so much love and care from the staff that after my initial wobble I have no regrets at all.

Give it time... it will get easier. Be kind to yourself!

There was a 4 month old at my son's nursery. The staff in the baby room all adored him and he had so many cuddles.

Not sure where you are OP but I'm in Europe and mat leave is 4 months, pretty common for kids to be in nursery at that age. It will be ok. I also have friends who are mums who work away in the week for a few days every week and their kids are thriving.

My babies both went to nursery at 4mo. They are now cheerful teenagers.

it will be fine. Younger babies settle more easily and she will be happy to see you at the end of the day.

Do you have to do full days? I think if it’s an option every morning would be better than three full days

When I first started in nurseries back in the early 90's, the majority of babies were 3/4months. The youngest we had was 6 weeks old! The babies all settled really well and never showed any signs of separation anxiety. It's much harder settling babies around the 12 month mark.

That said, I can understand how hard is must be to put your baby into a nursery if you don't have that choice. I'm sure they'll get lots of cuddles and attention at that age.

I had to go back full time when DD was six weeks old - she was in a nursery from then on (overseas). She was fine from the start - I wasn’t!! She’s nearly 28 and we have a fantastic relationship and she (obviously) doesn’t remember anything about it. She’s always made friends really easily and works in HR.

DD went for a morning a week at this age, for me to get a morning to myself. I found it hard initially but they literally don’t care at that age, plus you’ll never have that awful transition when they’re much older and clinging on to you while you drop them off. Easier said than done, but try and keep it together as it will make it harder for you both. When you are done with the settles, drop & go as lingering is also worse for you both!

On the plus side, settling in at 4 months is usually much easier for the baby than settling in at 12 months.
Once separation anxiety hits at that age, the nursery staff will already be people she's attached to.

Mat leave was 6 months until 2006 in the UK. There were plenty of 4.5 months old in nursery..Please don't beat yourself up.

Are you in Switzerland?
My mat leave was 4 months. My son was in full-time nursery at 3 months old.

He is now 14 and an excellent young man!! Don't panic, it will be OK!

Do you have the option to work more days with shorter hours?

I know it's common in many places for babies to start nursery at this age (and in the UK until relatively recently), but I think it's really understandable to struggle with it. At 4.5 months postpartum you're barely out of the newborn phase and still getting used to motherhood.

In your shoes I think I could have coped with shorter days more easily, even if it meant fewer full days off. But that might be different for you.

Either way, don't be hard on yourself if you find it difficult. It will get easier and I'm sure your LO will love nursery.

Aww don't feel so bad. You need to think of the positives. It will be amazing for your baby's development and you are doing brilliant balancing everything. 3 days a week isn't too much.

Mine went to a childminder at 5.5 months and we started settling in at 5. She was fine, it’s a good age for this actually. I wasn’t fine of course but that is totally normal. I loved my days off with her - and my salary to be able to do nice things.

Ps my daughter is a teen now and has always been so sociable, she loved all the variety at the childminder and the other children even at that age.