Feeling dreadful after settling in session

CaffeinatedLondoner · 2025-09-23T18:50:07+00:00

My DD (6mo) had her settling in session with a Bright Horizons nursery today as I return to work the week after next. I was so looking forward to it after reading positive reviews and a fantastic open day. But here's the thing – the settling in day was bad vibe after bad vibe. They asked me to bring ID but they never asked for it. They never asked me to sign in. They asked me to bring my daughters documentation, but never asked to see it. When I was in the baby room, it was so chaotic. Nothing proactive, just reacting to the most gregarious baby in the room. The babies looked so disengaged. I thought I would meet our key worker but she only popped in for a few minutes. I'm devastated and don't know what to do. I'm a FTM - am I overreacting? My instinct it to pull her out but in accepting her place they said I have to give 2 months notice if I want her to leave i.e. they will take 2 full months of nursery fees from me.

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GeorgeMichaelsMicStand · 23/09/2025 20:00

Do not send your child there if you have the slightest misgivings. Settling in sessions are the chance for a nursery to get to know your child and vice versa and to show you what a day would be like. They showed you. Have you paid any money to them yet? I can’t believe you’d be charged 2 months. I would contact the area or regional manger of Bright Horizons directly and discuss it with them

abracadabra1980 · 23/09/2025 20:02

Trust your gut - it’s very rarely wrong.

Original poster

CaffeinatedLondoner · 23/09/2025 20:04

Yes they took £888 from me via DD in advance of the session (I.e., what one month would cost). Good idea re: regional manager. I'm just so shook up by it, it's blindsided me. It goes without saying she is the most precious thing in the world to me but I'm also scared of what my employer will say if I announce I'm not coming back when agreed. However, she has to come first. I just didn't need the stress of it all, it's awful.

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Smartiepants79 · 23/09/2025 20:04

Have you signed a contract? If so then you will be liable for any money that it states. What other options are there? If you don’t send her how will you work?

billandtedsexcellentadventure · 23/09/2025 20:06

Have you looked round any other nurseries??

GeorgeMichaelsMicStand · 23/09/2025 20:07

I worked for a short while in day nurseries and I’m sorry to say the things you mentioned were the rule rather than the exception. I’m sure there’s another solution for you; a nanny share/au pair/ recommended nursery. Bypass the manager and go higher. They’ll want to know what’s happening in that branch. I would hope if you made enough fuss you’d get your ££ back - I can’t imagine they’ve hired anyone extra

Original poster

CaffeinatedLondoner · 23/09/2025 20:07

@Smartiepants79 yes I had to sign a parent agreement before her settling in session that said I would be liable for 2 months of fees. I'm scraping together money as my maternity pay ended a long time ago, so it has really added to the indignity of it all. But – again – I can't put a price on my daughter's wellbeing. It's just rubbish, I didn't expect this at all.

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MrsSkylerWhite · 23/09/2025 20:08

Yes, go with your gut. It’s hard ❤️

Original poster

CaffeinatedLondoner · 23/09/2025 20:10

@billandtedsexcellentadventure yes, we looked around loads. We loved this one as it was a smaller nursery compared to the others (we are in South London) and I'd spoken to parents of toddlers who attended and they all spoke so highly of it. The open day was the cherry on the cake! I'm a teacher myself and was blown away by the pedagogic approach and the nurturing environment they 'presented'. But from the moment I walked in today, it was just red flag after red flag. I feel like I've been led down the garden path.

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WhatHaveIDone21 · 23/09/2025 20:10

The same happened with DD1 years ago. I went to the settling in session and hated it. I couldn’t even really put my finger on why. But I withdrew her and found a new nursery which I absolutely loved. I never regretted trusting my gut. I didn’t have the issue of fees though as it was 13 years ago now. I understand why that complicates the issue.

summerlovingvibes · 23/09/2025 20:11

Is the £888 on top of any free funding you get (if you're eligible to the 30hours?)

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/09/2025 20:12

Have you looked at independent school nurseries? That’s what we did in the end and they were really good (still free hours).

TickyandTacky · 23/09/2025 20:12

summerlovingvibes · 23/09/2025 20:11

Is the £888 on top of any free funding you get (if you're eligible to the 30hours?)

At 6 months, she isn't eligible yet.

Abracadabra12345 · 23/09/2025 20:14

The worst thing is, you are seeing them at their best because there is a parent in the room. Imagine what it’s like when there’s no one watching.

Im so sorry you’ve been forced into this position and agree with other pps to take it higher. You’re not a precious FTP but an advocate for your child

summerlovingvibes · 23/09/2025 20:14

Ah ok, that's such a shame. Obviously money is important but I would agree with others that you should trust your gut on this one.
Today was their day to show their best side. If this was their best when people were looking around then I can only imagine it is worse when no one is visiting.

Did you look around any others?

GeorgeMichaelsMicStand · 23/09/2025 20:15

Day nurseries often put on a great show. The reality can be very different . Fingers crossed if you raise your concerns (which are safeguarding based) you’ll be in with a chance of some money back

summerlovingvibes · 23/09/2025 20:16

Technically you're entitled to 12 months maternity. So even if you've agreed to go back, until you actually do then they can't be grumpy with you.

Flag it with your manager asap and tell them you're looking at different options

summerlovingvibes · 23/09/2025 20:17

Good point that @GeorgeMichaelsMicStand made - use the words safeguarding concerns in your complaint and go to the highest person you can.

Fingers crossed you get some money back!

ForestFiends · 23/09/2025 20:40

Other parents generally will tell you their nursery is ‘amazing’. Sometimes it is one of the great ones, and sometimes that’s what parents want to believe to make it easier on themselves (which is understandable). If the staff can’t even be bothered to put on a good show for the settling in sessions I would avoid.

billandtedsexcellentadventure · 23/09/2025 20:49

Go look round some more and see how you feel especially after this open day. Your guts telling you no, so go with it.

Burntt · 23/09/2025 20:59

I’ve worked in nurseries 3 times and each time I couldn’t stand it and left. It’s battery farmed children. The well qualified nice person who shows you around and knows their stuff isn’t in the rooms with the kids.

I suggest trying to find a childminder for such a young child if you cannot afford a nanny.

I'm surprised there is no break clause on the contract? Double check that. I think I have mine worded that either party can break it during settling in before notice period kicks in. You will be able to break it if they break their policies which you can list off all the errors like not checking ID and birth cert etc. if they are rated outstanding they will let you go to keep you going to ofsted. Might be worth threatening that verbally to the manager if they do t let you out the contract the first time you ask

VikaOlson · 23/09/2025 21:28

Your ID and your dd's birth certificate was probably to do the funding forms, which isn't the responsibility of the staff in the room - if the person who does the funding wasn't there, or they realised you won't get it til after Christmas, they might not have needed any documents.

Were the babies upset or not having their needs met or was it just not all-singing-all-dancing?

Original poster

CaffeinatedLondoner · 23/09/2025 21:36

VikaOlson · 23/09/2025 21:28

Your ID and your dd's birth certificate was probably to do the funding forms, which isn't the responsibility of the staff in the room - if the person who does the funding wasn't there, or they realised you won't get it til after Christmas, they might not have needed any documents.

Were the babies upset or not having their needs met or was it just not all-singing-all-dancing?

As a teacher working with much older children, we always request visitors provide ID and we insist on them signing in and out of the building. I truly feel it was a safeguarding oversight over funding. With regards to the babies, their needs weren't being met. For example, I reviewed their sleep policy and it indicated that children would be observed whilst sleeping/they'd practice safe sleep e.g. blankets away from face etc. There was one baby who was face down with a blanket over their entire body. There was also an 8 month old who had a biro lid in his mouth (I had to intervene here).

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VikaOlson · 23/09/2025 21:40

CaffeinatedLondoner · 23/09/2025 21:36

As a teacher working with much older children, we always request visitors provide ID and we insist on them signing in and out of the building. I truly feel it was a safeguarding oversight over funding. With regards to the babies, their needs weren't being met. For example, I reviewed their sleep policy and it indicated that children would be observed whilst sleeping/they'd practice safe sleep e.g. blankets away from face etc. There was one baby who was face down with a blanket over their entire body. There was also an 8 month old who had a biro lid in his mouth (I had to intervene here).

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I've never been asked for ID at a nursery or school, so I'd guess it isn't universal. They may have signed you in/out themselves rather than getting you to physically sign in.

If you have genuine safeguarding concerns you need to report immediately to Ofsted.
I'd say they have breached the contract by failing to provide a safe environment and ask for your money back.

Bobbysmumma · 23/09/2025 22:16

Burntt · 23/09/2025 20:59

I’ve worked in nurseries 3 times and each time I couldn’t stand it and left. It’s battery farmed children. The well qualified nice person who shows you around and knows their stuff isn’t in the rooms with the kids.

I suggest trying to find a childminder for such a young child if you cannot afford a nanny.

I'm surprised there is no break clause on the contract? Double check that. I think I have mine worded that either party can break it during settling in before notice period kicks in. You will be able to break it if they break their policies which you can list off all the errors like not checking ID and birth cert etc. if they are rated outstanding they will let you go to keep you going to ofsted. Might be worth threatening that verbally to the manager if they do t let you out the contract the first time you ask

I worked in a nursery (chain nursery similar to Bright Horizons) for a number of years and the children were well cared for (as were the staff!) and in no way could the children be described as battery farmed (which is quite frankly an awful saying for children!). It was a lovely nursery and all come down to great management.

OP I viewed a similar nursery to what you describe. I watched a child on a settling in session and was truly shocked at the lack of care and attention to a little baby. I would have told the mum had I been able to stay for the duration of her settle. Made me wonder if they were like it when I was there viewing, what were they like when no one was watching. I love the nursery I picked. Go with your gut especially after recent newspapers stories. Good luck op ❤️