Will it really be bad!

[Cheers40]

Hello there,
im a health visitor and incredibly holistic one with quite alternative views. Often appreciated by many of my families but never forced. I stay in my job mainly to support parental emotional health……
I’ve worked for the NHS for 18 years. It’s all u know really. I’ve paid into a pension all this time, including my 2 maternity leaves. I’m due to return to work November. (Currently on leave) my DD will need to be in nursery 2 days a week and with my mum one) she hates being away from me. I firmly believe nursery or anything like nursery isn’t necessary ever really-but has SOME benefits from 3. Is their anybody else with similar views that took the hit and things worked out well. It seems a very risky time to put my notice in-I’m not sure there would be jobs on the other end. We could survive JUST on husbands wage but it would be a huge push and unexpected costs might be difficult.
not sure of my point. Just seeking support really.
thanks so much.

If she's under 3 I'd look at a childminder rather than a nursery.

My daughter was at nursery part-time from 2 and it was such a lovely place and she really thrived there. I didn't have to put her in as we had a live-in nanny but I did for the socialisation and she really loved it. It was a tiny nursery though and very nurturing.

DS went from about 15 mo. Only child and so clearly benefited him in many ways

And my mental health/sense of self too

He's now 8, still talks happily about memories, greets his key workers from that time, has friends he made there. And the transition to primary school was a complete doddle. Never clung to me or upset, doesn't even glance back now

I have a very shy DD and I think for nervous DCs it can be good for them to get used to nursery before they are old enough to refuse rather than dealing with the same issues is reception and them potentionally creating long term negative associations with school. In your position where it could have long term consequences on your finances I would be getting back to work after maternity.

I didn’t manage to settle my child in nursery, managed with a nanny share for a while but eventually took a big career hit (several contributing reasons). I’d say, try it, lightly with as little angst as possible, because your child will pick up on your feelings, and see how she goes. I think it’s hugely dependent on the individual key worked a kid gets, whether the nursery is run so that the key worker is consistently around for that child at the beginning… loads of nurseries talk the attachment theory talk and act differently, so frustrating when you’re trying to find care for a child with a more sensitive personality. Quit your job only as a very, very last resort. You’re nowhere near there yet.

Thanks all for taking the time to reply. I’m currently in the supermarket having dropped her off for an hours settling in. Do people think these settling in sessions make a difference at such a young age? It still goes against every maternal instinct. But you never know-she MIGHT like it x

I don’t think people asking for others experiences is that helpful. Surely as an HV with those kind of views, you know that you can’t pigeonhole little ones, they’re all different and one parent’s experience will be totally different than yours?

I honestly believe that if you go into it thinking it won’t work, it’s less likely to be successful. I swear babies pick up on non verbal cues far more than people who talk!

My boy started nursery from 13 months when I went back to work. He adores it and always has from his first day, knocks on the door and then runs in with a massive smile on his face! In the car on the way there he talks through all the names of his nursery workers that he’s going to see, it’s really lovely. He’s very attached to me and at home has major separation anxiety if I leave the room or if he can’t see me, but he has such a blast at nursery that he forgets about it. He loves being at home but at nursery they have wet/messy/sand play every day, he has a massive garden filled with bikes and toys to explore and has an amazing variety of meals (he’s an eater lol). I was petrified about him started and cried virtually non stop in the days leading up, my anxiety was seriously through the roof so it’s been massively reassuring to see how much he enjoys it

My DD started beginning of this year at 12 months.

Afew weeks of tears and she absolutely loves it, she doesn't say bye or even look at me when she walks in.
when she's not at nursery you will see her hanging off my leg or on my hip. I can't move for her.

she has come on so much since starting, she loves the activities, playing outside and enjoys teasing the staff.

it's is scary when they start, but in my experience (along with her older brother) it's been the best thing

We chose not to use nursery until age 3 (actually 3.5 because they went to the school nursery and had to wait until Sept to start). However both DH and I changed our hours so we could both continue working.

What's the deal with your professional registration? I am an AHP and if I am out of work too long, need to do return to practice, which can be hard. Plus finding a job obviously.

I’m older (our youngest is early 20s now) and when my children were small we generally went back to work at 3 or 4 months. It was much harder for us than the babies. My children never suffered from separation anxiety at nursery, transferred to school easily, and some of those early carers have become family friends for life.
I honestly believe that whether or not nursery works for you and your family is up to you. Anything that you aren’t happy with at any stage: raise it in the front office in a none judgemental way. Remain calm around your child. Move them if your concerns cannot be resolved to your satisfaction. Any problems: remember that the individual carer is not necessarily representative of the organisation and vice versa: so if an individual has done something that you aren’t happy with it isn’t necessarily an institutional problem, but likewise be aware that just because your key worker is fantastic it doesn’t mean that the nursery is.
i would never have trusted my children to a single childminder when a team can share the effort.

“I firmly believe nursery or anything like nursery isn’t necessary ever really” bit of an odd view from someone who’s worked with a wide range of parents. Nursery certainly seemed necessary when I had to go back to work in order to pay the bills, buy food and afford a place for us to live.

Anyway, it was fine. Dd started full time nursery when she was 9 months old, she loved it, never had any problems with settling in and is now a bright, confident, happy, funny, 11 year old who appears to have survived without any trauma or deep seated emotional problems.

For development is a what I mean and I stand by this. I think the maternal instinct to want to stay close to your child is there for a reason. Society isn’t set up to allow us to do this. Hence my post.
light not be your view. But I disagree it’s odd.
thanks for taking the time to reply though and your reassuring experience.

Thank you so much. I do feel incredibly lucky to have had a year with her, my eldest also. Also feel lucky to return part time. 3/4 months I would have been a wreck!
her first ‘settle’ didn’t go well. They called me as she was so hysterical. But such lovely lovely people such a great setting. I don’t think we would get better.

I’m a bloody great HV. I know I am. I’ve spent my life supporting people. Going above and beyond. Have the awards, cards etc to confirm so. This is a time in my life I’m seeking some solidarity and support. The same I have encouraged so many mums, dads and carers to do.
it’s been great to have some reassurances. I know this isn’t great for my daughter. The nursery called me she was that distraught-I’m also aware children pick up on human emotion and have continued with wellbeing to help this. Part of that was this post. There might just be that one reply that resonates and is a similar lived experience (there already has been!) and for that I’m really grateful.
im a HV but also a mum. the HV in me thinks I ‘should know better’ hence me sharing I’m a HV in the first place. The mum
in me just needed warmth from others that I spend my life giving 😌

Sorry to say this but when I hear “alternative POV and holistic” I think antivax! So I am not quite sure what you mean by this.

Anyway, I do think it’s much harder for us than them and often wonder if at that age they take on traits of the people caring for the e.g sunny disposition, tidy/not tidy and accents. Although they do say it takes a village so ….

On the fence with (some) vaccines but certainly not anti vax, not all and not the routine schedule.
hummm - interesting about the accents.

I used a childminder when I returned to work following maternity leave. She was fabulous and my children loved her. I personally didn’t like the thought of nursery, for us a childminder was definitely the right choice. They did go to nursery part-time in their pre-school year, but they were 4 by then.