Will toilet training before nursery confuse my baby?

[Flumpusbumpus]

Hi, I’m hoping to teach my (not yet arrived) baby sign language, particularly in relation to going to the loo. If all goes well he could be toilet trained by 1 (this is not usually done in the UK, but is the cultural norm in many other parts of the world). When he starts nursery/childcare at age 1 (after our parental leave finishes), I’m concerned that the nursery staff won’t be able to devote the time and resources to watching him enough to understand when he signs. If he isn’t using nappies often at home because of letting us know when he needs to poo, will he get upset/confused at nursery as he’ll probably need to be in nappies there until he can communicate in words that he needs to go to the loo?
Sorry if my question seems a little naive. This is our first baby

I think if you want to do that, you need to use a nanny for one to one care. I'm a cm and couldn't commit to this in group childcare.

If he can't go to the toilet independently then he isn't toilet trained (by the UK definition) and would need to be in nappies at nursery. I'm not sure if he'd be upset by it, but I'd imagine he would quickly get used to using a nappy and it would undo any work you'd done up to that point.

A nanny would suit you much better, then you can everything as you want it.

I wish we used baby sign language in the UK. My Canadian friends used it (they still lived in Canada though) and when they visited their baby was able to communicate some very basic needs to them (toilet, milk, I love you etc). I think you'll struggle to find a nursery or childminder who has the time for it here as it's so out of the norm.

It’s not toilet training, it’s elimination communication. The baby won’t have any ability to hold their wee or poo, you will be watching them like a hawk and spotting cues and catching wee and poo. You can look for patterns and give signals and cues, but a nursery really won’t be able to continue it and baby will be too busy probably to be in the exact same routine.

i dont think it will be confusing, i just think it will end when they start nursery.

as baby isn’t here yet, id try and relax and enjoy spending time with your baby when it arrives and maybe do the basic signs but not push it. Baby will potty train when they have sphincter control.

A nursery or childminders won’t be able to do this. The baby won’t be potty trained until they ca take themselves to the toilet and go independently, until then it’s nappies at nursery.

Not a naive question at all, lots of parents worry about this. Nurseries are used to kids being at all different stages, some trained early, some still in nappies. Your baby won’t be the only one.

But how can a possibly not even toddling baby be toilet trained?

You’re describing elimination communication where you watch and react to baby’s signals. It is not potty training. It also can’t be done in a nursery at a 3:1 ratio, in a baby room that isn’t set up for toileting and where they manage the routine by changing wet nappies on a schedule. If you want that sort of personalised care then you’ll need to find a nanny. Otherwise just forget the whole idea, it’s bonkers really and not practical with busy modern life nor is it necessary when you have disposable nappies. Buy the Oh Crap book, it has a good chapter about EC and how whilst it has its benefits it is definitely not potty training which you might find interesting, and then I would look to do conventional normal potty training when DC is around 2.

One of my NCT group did this with her son but when he started nursery they couldn’t commit to potty training until he was in the toddler (2+) room. He was in nappies at nursery and they did EC at home which seemed to work for them.

We did EC from 7 months, all poos on a potty from 9 months. At nursery I asked them to offer a potty sit at each nappy change and they were happy to do this. By 18 months she was nappy free at home, asking for the potty and holding for around 2 hours. We told nursery the following month that she’d be going in wearing training pants and they’d been finding that her nappies were dry between potty visits most of the time anyway. They’ve been great, probably helps that they’re a Montessori nursery. So all that to say, we had different expectations between nursery and home. It didn’t confuse or upset her, it was long term potty learning in line with her development and supported by us and nursery.

Same here. I think this would be very difficult in a group situation.

We also had nursery happy to offer the potty at nappy changes. Neither of mine were confused by the different potty use at home/nursery, but we didn't go as far as pants at home, nappies at nursery. Both trained when they were in the under 2s room, and nursery went with it as clearly in the best interest of the child to be clean and dry if they're capable. However, we didn't ask them to watch for baby's cues in an EC sense – mine were between 18-24 months, could go a couple of hours between wees, say 'wee-wee', etc., although they did need some help getting pants and trousers back up at that age. And I don't think anyone thought letting a child that age wash their hands unsupervised was a good idea!

I think the staff at our nursery would have responded to baby sign for 'toilet' – mine both used a bit of baby sign, and the staff did learn some key signs – but you'd probably have to accept some more misses because unless baby is very, very clear in getting their attention, it's easier to miss a hand gesture than a shout of 'wee-wee!'