Bit of a back story. It is a long one, so grab a brew.
Daughter 2&1/2
Just me, her father and her. -- No family / Village at all.
My daughter started nursery back in November 2024. She does 3 days a week. She really struggled with settling in but after creating a very strong and stable bond with her key worker, she was absolutely fine. They key worker is amazing with my daughter, she really pulls out all the stops to help my daughter as she is lacking with her speech.
I suffer from very poor health and in December I was rushed into hospital and was in ICU until Mid January 2025.
Throughout this time, my daughter also became poorly and was in and out of hospital herself. This created separation anxiety for my daughter. This is totally understandable, we are very very close. Due to the possibility of Autism, she finds it very difficult to understand and talk.
She returned to nursery in January and her key worker was off sick for 6 weeks. This triggered her separation anxiety to be off the scale. From doing 8am- 3.30pm we ended up going to 15 minutes per day! After the 6 week period, her key worker returned and LO started doing 8.45-3.15 again. But every morning for the last 8 months there is kicking, screaming, punching when i hand her over in a morning.
We have persevered and kept on going. A few months ago one of the teachers came to the door at collection time. I asked how my daughter was doing in the mornings and this teacher called my daughter an "ice queen" - I asked what she meant and she said "well she is an ice queen, you have gotta let her defrost before you can bother with her".
At the time i did not say anything, which was wrong. I really struggle with confrontation, especially with someone who cares for my child.
A few weeks later, my daughter's key worker was off on holiday. We went to the door in the morning and the same teacher (ice queen comment) came to the door, she turned and saw my daughter crying, huffed and rolled her eyes at my daughter. I collected my daughter the same day and the teacher came to the door, passed me her lunchbox, completely ignored me and then spoke to another parent. I came home to see my daughter had not eaten a single thing that day.
The following day, i collected my daughter, this same teacher came to the door, I asked my usual questions and she completely ignored me and then started speaking to another child and their parent. I overheard the conversation. This teacher told the child to call another teacher smelly and say that they were the favourite teacher.
2 days later, My daughter came home with a mark on her arm which looked like she had been grabbed.
At this point I emailed the manager and asked for a meeting. My partner and I attended. I expressed my concerns about the situation. I was very calm and they told me that the person in question would "take it to heart" -- they denied any knowledge about the mark on my daughters arm.
Approx 2 weeks later. We purchased a trampoline for my daughter, she was in the garden playing on it whilst I watered the plants. She fell and bumped the bridge of her nose on the metal bar. I dropped my daughter off at nursery and explained what happened and I said she might get a bruise or even a black eye from the fall. (I was not concerned because my daughter jumped up and carried on playing). 1 Hour after i dropped her off, I received a phone call from the manager saying they had contacted social care due to a significant amount of injuries to my child in a short time frame. She did not ask me what happened or if i could explain the injuries. I asked if i could collect my daughter and they said "At the moment, No. we need to speak to her father.
Her father is a road worker and each morning he tells me where he is working because majority of the time it is on a country lane where he has no signal. So her pre-warns me each morning when he is given his job. That day he was on a shift which ended 20.30 and was on a country lane with no reception at all.
I explained to the nursery that he was on the road and would have no signal. They said I had 3 hours to track him down and they would try and call him.
I was absolutely frantic, screaming to everyone down the phone. I rang my partners friends and family to see if they knew who he was working with (Some of them work at the same company) After 2 hours, his work got back in touch and gave me the location of his job so I could go and fetch him. In this time, they had managed to get a hold of someone at Shropshire council, who contacted another company on the same job, who then got a worker who drove back to Shropshire to fetch my partner and tell him to get to a location with service.
He called the nursery and asked what was going on. they said they needed some explanations about some of the injuries our daughter had sustained. To my partners surprise, 4 of the 5 injuries happened at nursery and we had to sign accident forms for them. The only injury that happened in our care was my daughter falling on the trampoline. One of the injuries was for a scraped knee where she fell at nursery when running!
When my partner then told the nursery what happened on the trampoline they gave permission for us to collect my daughter. (Odd thing is, they made that decision before they even got the "Okay" from social services)
At no point did the nursery ask me what had happened on the trampoline. They just said I was not allowed to collect her.
To this day, I have still not had a telephone call from social services asking me what happened. The nursery did tell us that our daughter did not meet the threshold for a referral.
Both my partner and I went to collect our daughter from nursery. The manager stood up and walked straight past me. Did not say a single thing and since then, they have all carried on like nothing happened.
They did comment that they were "Surprised" that I was so upset. What did they expect? I was crushed.
2 days after the SS call. I received a message saying my daughter had no nappies left and that I had sent in size 6 nappies. I told them my daughter has not been in size 6 nappies for a very long time. She is in a size 8. They told me i had 20 minutes to drop off her nappies and wipes.
(I had previously donated several bags of toys, clothes, nappies to the nursery that did not fit my daughter anymore. They used these on my daughter and blamed me. I make it very clear the items are not for my daughter an they are for the other children to use)
Fast forward. An early years worker attended the nursery for parents to ask her any questions about their child's development. She was to walk about the room and parents would approach her.
Out of 30 children and parents, she knew my name, my daughters name and the concerns I had about my daughters speech. But did not know any other child's name. Fortunately i took a friend with me for support and she stood back and just observed, she said all they did was nod towards me, point discreetly and talk about things to do with me.
I then had a meeting with my health visitor to ask her advice about this situation with nursery. My health visitor then explain to me that the Early years worker and the manager at the nursery who called social care are best friends!! I looked into moving my daughter to another nursery, the trust is broken, she cries all the time anyway and i think a fresh start is needed. I booked in the appointment and had a look around and low and behold, my daughter walks into her nursery the next day, turns around waves and says "Bye Mommy" No tears, no fuss, nothing! -- she continues to do this for 4 days! I decide not to move her, because there is a huge breakthrough and its going to create more trouble if she is now settled.
I call the new nursery and tell them she will not be attending. They give her place to another child (rightly so) 3 days later, back to screaming, punching, kicking and crying at drop off.
Fast forward again, I have been made aware that my daughters key worker is now being moved to another part of the school and my daughter is having another staff member who is a trainee.
It is a nightmare!!!!! You couldn't write this stuff!
Now here we are. I collected my daughter on Monday, walked to the car, picked her up to put her in the car and she is absolutely soaking wet, I pull her bottoms off and she has a huge red mark down her leg, I look at her nappy and she is in a nappy that is 2 sizes too small!!!!
I walk straight back to the nursery and they have no explanation at all whatsoever, yet thay red mark is now a huge bruise! Have they asked me about the bruise? Nope.
We are due to take our daughter on our first family holiday on 31st August. And there has been a chicken pox outbreak at nursery. I ask the nursery if i am still liable for her fees if she doesn't attend from now until after the holiday, purely because some airlines will not allow you to travel if you are not fully well. They are absolutely A**es about it. All I did was ask a question and explain why she would not be attending.
We have booked 3 holidays so far and due to health none of us have been able to go. So we are desperate to make sure this time we can go.
There is tension at the nursery, I do not trust them at all. we had no issues at all whatsoever until I mentioned my concerns about that particular staff member.
Please advise me lovelies! I am thinking to just take her out, deal with the upset and issues of starting again, but what if this nursery does not work out either?
This could not have come at a worse time, we are supposed to be trying for another baby and it has just completely ruined the whole thing. My partner and I have to get this right and ensure our daughter is happy and secure, we are her voice.
Do I move her? What if she does not settle? She socialises absolutely fine considering the lack of speech, but she is extremely Mommy orientated. The Doctors feel if we can break this separation anxiety she will really struggle at school. I was exactly the same at her age and boy did I struggle at school.
Any advice is appreciated. Thank you all for reading. I know it is stupidly long but i needed to explain and i am at my wits end!
Xx