Bad feeling about new staff member at nursery

[Squigglydums]

My child is of pre school age. A new member of staff has started and we have interacted several times during drops offs and pick ups. I just have a bad gut feeling about her. I say this based on my interactions with her. She is very positive and smiles, but I find it too much especially compared to the other staff members. I will put this down to her being new. What concerns me is I have noticed on several occasions, as soon as she turns around to go or is closing the door, her face completely changes (sullen/annoyed) almost instantly. She even made a face at my child once, when they didn’t respond to her. It’s like she is in character. I can’t explain it it’s my gut feeling but now whenever I see her, my heart drops. I don’t want to leave my child with her. I am concerned about how she interacts with the children when the parents are not there.

I feel like messaging the nursery manager but realistically what can I say? I am some what close to one of the other staff members and wanted to reach out to her- but again what would I say? Looking for advice on how to approach.

YABU, and have no basis at all for your judgement

To some degree we all have our 'work face'. I'm a cm and even if I've had a bad night sleep or just been telling my dc off or emptying the bins.... I still open the door with a smile and warm welcome even if I'm not feeling it.

However, pulling a face at your dc is not on and I would speak to the manager about the handovers and her approach. Don't raise this with your friend who is a staff member, too messy.

Hmm, I don’t know. My gut is always right, personally I would trust my gut. Not sure how to approach it though!

@Lemniscate8 of course I do not have anything ‘solid’ to go by which is why I’m struggling with this.

@TickyandTacky what would I say to the manager?

@TheyreLikeUsButRichAndThin i usually go with my gut too. I would just move him, but really don’t want to unsettle him etc.

100% go with your gut. There is something about this person that triggers your protect instinct. I think parental instincts are there for a reason. Looking angry/ miserable the moment she believes no-one is looking and making a face at your DC is concerning.

Addressing it however is tricky, I agree with @TickyandTacky not to raise it with your friend who is staff as that would be messy and unproductive.

Do you have a rapport with the nursery manager? If so maybe ask to arrange time for a quick chat before pick up one day? If nothing else it will flag your concerns and hopefully the nursery manager will be prompted to keep an eye on her conduct.

Hopefully it is nothing more than an unfortunate ‘Monday face’!

Gut instinct can be spot on, or it can be based on the unconscious biases that we all have and links to past experiences that may or may not apply in this case.

I think I would try to observe a bit longer. What is your nursery set up like, do you go into the rooms/garden? We do, so I would keep an eye out for her when I picked up/dropped off and watch how she seemed to be engaging with the children. Some people do naturally look quite negative/annoyed whenever they aren't actively smiling, nothing to do with their mood, just the way their face is (although if that's the case here, it might be as well for her to learn to keep actively smiling a few seconds longer at handovers).

If you do want to raise it, definitely the manager and not your friend.

To be honest, I have a true resting bitch face. It’s just the way my face is when I’m not actively smiling. Not a lot I can do about it unfortunately and force smiling all the time is very tiring. Perhaps, as she turned away, her mind was on other things after saying goodbye.

I’m a childminder and, whilst I always greet and say goodbye with a smile on my face, I don’t smile all day. I think it would freak the children out if I was as they all know what I’m like.

perhaps when she seems to be a little too much with smiles and friendliness she is actually working on being more welcoming. I know for a fact I have a resting bitch face, I’ve always known it. The lady might be the same and trying to overcompensate for that.

I may not be all smiles all the time however, I am extremely caring, nurturing and compassionate and build strong bonds with the children I am blessed to care for.

When you use a nursery, part of the deal is you don't choose the person who cares for your child.
You rely on the judgement of the nursery manager regarding recruitment and staff deployment.

This person has been interviewed, their background has been checked and they have been trained and supervised at work.
Essentially it's not your business now.

Does your dc say anything about her?

@RaspberryIce he said he doesn’t like her but I will take that with a pinch of salt.

@legoplaybook i completely disagree. If that was the case, then we wouldn’t see and hear about cases where children are neglected in nurseries. And it is most definitely my business who comes into contact with my child.

@Lillupsy @skkyelark @KeepOnKeepingOn25 i hear your points. I will take into consideration and try to keep an open mind- I have seen her for many times and it’s the same change in face and it’s just got me wondering whether she enjoys being there. I don’t expect her to be smiling all the time at all, I just hope she is kind to the kids. I will monitor the situation and perhaps enquire with other parents before making a move I think.

I think what your ds thinks about her counts for a lot. If he liked her I wouldn't worry. He's backing up what you already think