FTM - Nanny share advice please?

[Rowroyourboat]

Hello everyone,

First time mum here and first time posting!

I am going back to work mid-January, when my baby turns 1. Due to the hours that my husband and I work, nursery is not an option and we will be looking for a nanny.

I have a friend nearby with a similar age baby, and we have discussed the possibility of doing a nanny share. We are fairly aligned on values / parenting, and our house would be the 'host' home. I would like to ask advice please from anyone who has done a nanny share -

(i) does it work out much cheaper than just having a nanny to yourself?
(ii) did it work for you? if not, why?
(iii) is there anything about it you wish you had known beforehand?

Thanks very much in advance!

How much do you value the friendship?

There are SO many issues, it's really not as giid a solution as it sounds.

could you use a childminder offering non Standard hours? Or a part time nanny in conjunction with nursery?

if you value your sanity, do not attempt a nanny share.

Yes it’s cheaper, as you’re sharing her salary.

You need to be clear how you’re paying her and who’s paying her tax/NI - worth talking to someone like NannyTax to get this sorted out. Also to make sure you’re both going to pay her legally - we had one share where the other party wanted to pay net.

Be very, very, very clear about things like food and drink. Who is preparing/supplying what, what kind of food/meals/drinks are/aren’t acceptable.

Is your home sufficiently baby/child-proof? Again, need to make sure that the other family is happy with your home.

You should both have a contract with her - and obviously they must be aligned! A good idea would be for both families to draft what kind of rules or ‘dos and don’ts’ you have that are important for you, to make sure that both parties agree. We had one nanny share where the other parents were a nightmare about what they wanted/wouldn’t allow, but never told the nanny this, so she was always in trouble!

We had three shares in all, with varying degrees of success! It’s definitely worth it financially. There was no way in the early days we could have afforded a nanny to ourselves, but I think I agree with @CafeCremeMerci that it could be potentially very difficult with friends.

I’d also add - as well as really thrashing it out with each other, when you’re interviewing potential nannies, ask them about their experiences of sharing and what worked/didn’t work for them.

A nanny share can absolutely work but you need to be very clear and upfront from the start on expectations and what happens in situation a vs situation b.

I would also, personally, highly recommend that it is NOT always at your house. You become the default "person in charge" - the nanny sees you as the primary parent, you start to feel you can control everything, the other parent might get resentful and it gets complicated with food, toys use, damage/wear and tear etc. Sharing it is a much better idea.

You should also agree upfront very clearly under what conditions the relationship would end, and how that would work ito notice periods etc.

A few things to consider, for example:

Food - who pays, who decides what to eat (and when), how is the shopping and meal planning organised (another reason to take turns re houses as then whoever's house it is organises/pays for food that week).

What are the expectations for the nanny in terms of days out/ how far to travel/ how to travel. Are you aligned on her meeting up with nanny friends / when she should be checking in with you on plans / types of activity. (this may seem like a small thing but is actually fundemental. Some parents want nannies to go no further than x distance, preferably on foot, others want pre-discussion on every activity etc). Ditto, what costs are you both willing to meet for these days out/activities and are you aligned?

If one child causes damage - a spillage, a broken toy, a damaged car seat etc - and it's in the other child's parents' house/item, what is the agreement about any mitigation?

What happens when the nanny is sick or on leave? Will you each take your own child or agree a system whereby one family has both children? Similarly, what happens when one child is sick? A dedicated nanny would be expected to look after a sick child, but what about the other child?

Similarly, how is leave decided and agreed on? Most nannies have an agreement that the family decides two weeks and the nanny 2 weeks. How will you, as families, negotiate your two weeks?

These are just a few examples.

We did one mini-nanny share (ie we shared the nanny on certain days, but not full time) and we talked about another one. The second one didn't happen because the other person, it turned out, very much saw it as HER doing US a favour by allowing us to "share" her nanny. So we backed quickly out of that potential arrangement.

It should cost you less, maybe £30k each instead of £50k.

Another thing to consider discussing upfront whicn can actually be a benefit of a nanny share, is whether as shared families you can take things on.

So friends who did a nanny share had an arrangement where between the four parents, ONE parent per night was responsible for relieving the nanny at 6pm (or whatever time you choose). This allowed the other three parents to all work that bit later and/or not panic about trains etc (we live in an area where commuting to London is normal but the train service is not that frequent so missing a train or having one delayed/cancelled can be a really big deal). From memory, as a rule, it wasn't that the other family would then only have to turn up at 8pm, but more that they didn't have to PANIC to be there at exactly 6 - I think they had an arragement based on expected trains or something.

It was something they all really valued because it meant they didn't have to pay for a lot of extra hours for the nanny, but no one's work was massively impacted by having to leave super promptly/early every day. They may have done a similar thing in the mornings too but I don't recall.

We have a nanny share. It started when our daughter was in reception (we had our own nanny before that) and the sharing family had a classmate and a baby. Even though we only had one of the three children we insisted on paying 50% as we wanted to be equal employers. Time is split equally between the two houses, so the supply of food, etc is shared.

Our arrangement has been in place for several years now and we are happy with it. We have similar parenting styles and attitudes to food as the other family. There are niggles but generally it works. The biggest niggle for us is probably holidays. Usually in nanny contracts the nanny chooses half her holiday dates and the employing family the other half. We tend to book holidays quite late and our sharing family books in advance. They tend to book without speaking to us so we end up having to fall in with them, but it hasn’t been a big issue so we haven’t taken it up with them but it might be something to think about.

The two families have identical contracts with the nanny and pay via nanny tax. Nanny tax seem to mess up the NI every year (loading it on one family) so we have to sort that but otherwise it has been pretty easy. You will need to provide a workplace pension (I think we do this via Nanny tax).

I’d also add that communication is key - between the two families and with the nanny. (Probably also the children if/when they’re old enough). Maybe fix a time each week to chat about how things have gone/what’s been good/what’s been less good, so that you can address things early, before you start to get resentful about it. And don’t forget to look for and praise the good things, and the things that went well!

Be realistic about what you expect from your nanny (which I’d say even if you had her all to yourself), and bear in mind that she will be looking after two little children, which is very taxing. She will need some down time during the day so you must allow time for the children to be doing things that takes less of her energy.

Thanks very much for your responses everyone, extremely helpful and I really appreciate everyone taking the time to reply.

A few further questions please -

1. Is it easier for each family to have separate contracts with the nanny, or to have one contract all together?
2. Can each family pay a proportion of the nanny's weekly hours, in order to avoid each family having to pay the nanny NMW for each hour they work?
3. Does anyone happen to know the going rate for nannies in London for looking after 1 or 2 babies?
4. Nanny share aside, is there anything you think is crucial to agree in advance with the nanny or include in their contract (whether it is a nanny share or just a normal nanny arrangement)?

Why would you want to play less than the minimal wage? These is a professional person you're hiring to look after your children and you're already looking for ways to stiff her on the price?

I don't think a nanny is for you.

ETA: I just realised, you're thinking if the cost per hour is split it looks liek you're paying below NMW? From memory, I think we did it via a nanny pay agency and they then then split it for us. So the nanny was paid X, and then y of the fee was allocated to each of us. YOu do need to do this in a way that meets HMRC standards but I'm pretty sure that nanny tax agencies can manage it.

1. Nanny share aside, is there anything you think is crucial to agree in advance with the nanny or include in their contract (whether it is a nanny share or just a normal nanny arrangement)?

All the things already mentioned here are relevant whether a nanny share or just a nanny - how to handle holidays, food, discretionary spend and activities, conditions under which you need to be informed of decision making etc.

Also add expectations re timing when ill, how overtime or being late works, expectations for cleanliness etc. This last one is important - there's a huge variety between families and nannies in what they consider normal and acceptbale so being clear up front avoids problems down the line. In this list includes what is counted towards any "light housekeeping" which is often part of a nanny's tasks - most commonly associated with keeping the house tidy but where the confusion comes in is, for example, if the dishwsher is clean but full on arrival, should the nanny be emptying it in order to make space for the mess her and the children have made. I've seen huge disparity in views on this from nannies who will wash everything by hand rather than empty a dishwasher that wasn't "their" mess, to nannies who will leave dirty plates in the sink, to nannies who'll empty the dishwasher, put it on again, empty it again, all before they leave.

If you have two separate contracts you will have to pay minimum wage.

thanks very much all, and apologies if I was not clear - on the minimum wage question, this is what I meant… does each family have to pay the nanny minimum wage for the same hours work (ie the lowest wage the nanny could be paid for a nanny share being c.£22?).

I am not sure if this is the case or if you can say pay them £18 per hour, split by the two families so £9 per hour per family.

Just trying to work out how much cheaper it can actually be to nanny share, but sorry I don’t think I’m explaining my question very well. Thanks!

I’m not quite sure what you’re asking here. You will be employing your nanny for x no of hours per week, which means you agree an hourly rate with her. Which must be at least the NMW. And then you split that between the two families. At least I think so - but agencies like NannyTax will advise you here.

Just because you’re sharing her, doesn't mean that she should earn less than the NMW. If you can’t afford the NMW then you can’t afford a nanny!

I considered a nanny/share. Another thing to discuss is future plans. Are either family planning more children? If so, when do they hope for that? And how long would they take off work? Would the host house be happy remaining so when on mat leave?

I understood your question around NMW although I don’t know the answer and you’re best asking a nanny payroll company. You may need to pay more for a nanny share as it is harder for a nanny to look after children from two families than one (multiple rules to consider, employers to liaise with etc).

Thanks - that’s what I meant, can the two families split the hourly rate of the nanny. I am not intending to pay anyone less than NMW!

I had read online for a nanny share that both families had to be registered as employers with HMRC and pay the nanny NMW each, so that caused me some confusion. my question was could the families split the nanny’s hourly rate or did each family need to pay the nanny an hourly rate of at least NMW, given they both need to be registered as employers with HMRC.

Also consider things like where babies will nap during day. Providing a double buggy. Will a car be available and how costs of that will be split.

what each person is happy to put as discretionary spends. Do you both value the same groups to take babies too etc?

are you wanting the same hours?

If it’s always at yours will the other family want a discount to account for their travel to yours or have you got an idea of expecting the wear and tear in your home to be greater?

How are you splitting costs for baby proofing? I guess you’ll both doormen homes and so are you happy to do yours which becomes a shared space?

This is why you need to talk to someone like NannyTax - they can give you the appropriate advice. (I’m sure there are other agencies that specialise in employing/paying nannies, but this is the only one I know)

@itsgettingweird yes, the car is a good one. Are you going to ask that the nanny uses her own car (assuming that she has one) - if not, then presumably both families are going to have to add her to their insurance?

I doubt anyone in London would want to do a nanny share for 18 an hour, 20 is a going rate for one family . Nanny shares are a lot of hassle for a nanny so it must be lor then working for one family.

Hey,
I am a first time mom, I live near Twickenham, I have 1.5 month old baby girl and I am looking for a nanny share, can someone please advise how to find that? I am so confused and not sure where to seek help from and who to ask.
Help me please!
Thanks
Deena

@DeenaMK you're much more likely to get responses/help if you start your own thread.

Go to the top of this one, and click on the blue button on the right that says 'start thread'.

Hey thank you so much. I started the thread 😀
I really hope someone helps!