My Child Isn't Settling....Help Please.

[trubz2025]

Hi All,

I currently have an 18 month old who has been doing settling in sessions for nearly 3 months now. When I am there with her she struggles to play alone or with others as she is on edge knowing I will be leaving at some point. When I leave her she will constantly cry the whole time until I pick her back up.
I'm not 100% on the nursery staff as I believe they could help settle her more but I understand they have to look after the other children too.
Do I move her to another nursery or stay persistent as I have been told by a few people that this will settle eventually but we can't even do an hour let alone half a day or a whole day.

Any tips would be great. Thank you so much.

Do you 'drop and go' or do you spend a bit of time with her before you leave?

Sometimes the quicker the drop-off, the better. Like taking off a plaster 🙂

My little boy took ages to settle in nursery, a good few months at least, we started letting him pick a toy to take to nursery with him, usually a teddy bear, and the nursery would give him teddies/cars sometimes to bring home with the promise of returning it the next day which did the trick, he started getting really exited about what toy he’d be bringing home that day etc
i agree with PP best to drop of and leg it rather than wait around, it does get easier just keep on at it 💜

How is she outside the nursery? Is she very clingy to you all the time? Is she used to being with her daddy or other relatives without you or is the nursery the only place there you leave her without you?

We've tried a bit of both, I've stayed and I've also dropped off and gone but I then get a call back to ask if I can pick her up as she isn't settling. We've even tried to take her favourite toys but she gets so worked up she doesnt know how to calm back down.
She isn't very clingy to me at all, she happily plays alone but needs to know someone is there that she knows such as grandparents. We've even tried family members taking her but still no.
It's really heartbreaking seeing her like this becaue outside of nursery she is such a happy person.

If they’re calling you after an hour, I’d switch to another nursery. I’ve never known a nursery consistently give up after so little time, it’s their job to settle her. Unless she’s making herself sick she’s so upset, it sounds like they’re a bit useless.

ETA: It sounds like maybe she’s learnt that if she screams long enough you’ll come back, and perhaps they need to push through a bit more so you’re consistently coming back at the same time in the routine eg. Right after lunch or snack.

I'd move her. Can she go to a childminder instead? I dont think nurseries are great for young children.

If she were mine I'd try a different setting. If nursery is your preferred option I'd try a different one otherwise I'd try a childminder or even better a nanny and then try a larger nursery setting when she's older. I totally disagree with "pushing through" this is a small child not a manipulative teenager!

Yeah this. Not every child is suited to a nursery setting, it doesn’t work for everyone and that’s totally okay.

Sorry, just to be clear, I think the nursery staff should be making the effort of push through, not the child, if that makes sense. Most children with the right attention, kindness and support can be jollied along for a period of time, especially if a routine is in place and they start to learn mum always comes to get me after snack time etc.

Seems to me like the nursery have relinquished responsibility for calming the child down, which is poor form I think. If they knew you were at work and couldn’t collect after an hour, they’d have to do more.

How often does she go? One day a week is more confusing for little ones than 3 or more days because they forget from week to week if it is just one day.

We’ve just gone through this and it was hell so I feel you! They came very close to giving us notice to leave at Easter!

We split her two full days into 3 half days so she was going more regularly rather than just Thursday and Friday (that’s how my hours fall at work) and just persevered - we sent in a teddy from home with her even though she doesn’t have a comforter any other time! It just took more time than usual for her to get used to it but was ghastly going through it!

I also wasn’t sure and doubted the nursery staff but in all honesty they were just as thrilled as we were when she started to settle and actually be happy!!

Edited to add ours tried to settle her for a good couple of hours before they called us after i pushed Back after one 90 mins phone call and when we arrived she was happily playing in the garden so maybe ask them to leave it a wee bit longer