Toddler refusing to eat at nursery

[mummyp1gs]

DC has been attending for two mornings a week since January. DC is two and a half. After the initial settling in period, toddler now enjoys going and is happy at the setting. We’ve just started to include lunch for them and this is the third session where toddler now refuses to eat anything at all. They are an extremely selective eater as it is. We only have three foods that they will eat without question and up to 7 more that they will pick and choose what to eat. Only one of these is a hot food, no vegetable and one fruit.

They are under paediatric dietician for this but we were hoping the peer pressure of eating with others may be encourage them to try something. It did with our eldest. They apparently screamed and cried for half an hour saying they didn’t like the meal.

Does it get better?

Yes.

Both my kids refused meals.
DS only having certain foods at home also, he eventually ate and most days had extra helpings.

To add, it helped massively with what he would eat at home

With ours it never got better. The school asked us to start sending in packed meals and we agreed. Not being hungry massively improved her mood.

at the time “arfid” as a term did not exist. She has it as a diagnosis now though. She is a teenager and still eats a limited diet but is still working to add foods to her safe list.

My take is that school really isn’t the place to push safe food boundaries. They just need to get enough calories to get through the day. They are also in a more stressful environment. New foods are best tried in very comfortable, supportive settings with very little pressure and no consequences for failure.

We sent a packed lunch instead, less stressful for DC and we felt better knowing they would eat it. Sorry to say it hasn't got better for us and they are 7 now!

For DD (very fussy, started nursery age 3), initially she wouldn't eat anything, then after 6 months (!) she would eat what she would at home, e.g. just the rice. There were a couple of foods she did start eating which she was offered at nursery, but 2 new foods every 18 months is about where she's been since.

We used to collect her early in the afternoon, and fed her immediately then. Although she seems neurotypical, the struggles with food remain. She's now 12.

While peer pressure can work for children that don’t have any conditions and are just choosing to be picky with food, if your child has sensory issues, Arfid or anything like that peer pressure is just going to cause more stress and anxiety around food. It might be better to send safe food but still ask nursery if they can put a plate of new foods out that your child could try if they wished. Stress free meals are better for everyone.

It's very common. Give it time and don't make a big issue out of it. Literally don't mention the fact that they ate nothing. Just go home and feed dinner as usual. If it doesn't improve in a few weeks speak to key worker.

I agree with this. I would always have a safe food as an option for them.

Take the pressure off . Let him just sit there and watch or come to watch when ready to. They won't starve if they miss lunch. Don't have them screaming about food at nursery or at home. Suggest you always put a not eat on plate with what they will eat. No fuss just take it away when they say they are finished. Tiny portions of course

Yikes, only 10 foods that they actually eat semi-regularly, that must be tough. I sometimes think we have it bad until I hear things like that. My eldest (3 and a half) has a fairly limited amount she will eat, and has only just recently started to vocalise about not eating something because it feels funny on her tongue and other similar comments, but I have suspected sensory issues for a long time (not looked into because I don't consider her diet restrictive compared to what a lot of people have, and she doesn't cope well with drs etc!) she has been at nursery for a year, but absolutely will not touch the snacks provided there (she only does afternoons, not lunch) even though it is food she likes from what I understand - fruit, cheese, cereal etc. So I think my hope that a bit of peer pressure to try things is unlikely to happen any time soon at least.
If your little one is actually distressed by the food situation tho then I would not want to continue that way, do they allow you to just send something in? Maybe that way he would be able to eat that and hopefully at some point also be tempted to try something the others have. I assume he is getting upset because he actually wants to eat, not that they are actually putting pressure on him to do so? As that would probably change whether I would send something in, or just say he's there 'for lunch' but make it clear to him that he is going to get lunch when he comes home

@whoateallthecookies
Is your DD, mine? This is exactly how my DD was at nursery.
She is also 12 now and is beginning to add more foods to the safe list.

Yes they will. They will be grumpy, won’t learn, and won’t form friendships.

toddlers should rarely lose weight, but some of them will. Some of them will literally starve themselves

@Moonflower12 may I ask, has your DD always been fussy, or did she wean normally? Mine never wanted to wean, which is fairly unusual, so we're still trying to work out with her what is difficult about food for her, and how to help her enjoy more things

Oh ok. If you say so.

Mine didn’t want to be weaned. Would have happily just had milk forever I think! When she did finally accept some solid food it was very few items and that lasted throughout childhood. As an adult she has broadened her diet but not hugely. I believe it’s part of her neurodivergence. We did very little challenging of her eating and I’m glad now that we spared her (and us) the stress of a battle we wouldn’t have won.

@whoateallthecookies

She was very hard to wean. I've heard that it's a control thing- not in a bad way but in a panicked out of control way. The 2 things they can control are food and toileting. My DD was late to potty train for poo, refusing to go in anything except a nappy for a long time.
My DD will eat dry bland foods and randomly, very spicy foods. Again, dry ones.

Has the Paed mentioned ARFID? They sound similar to our youngest who has a diagnosis much later.

Giving them something you are pretty sure they’ll eat for breakfast should help and if you’re feeding at night I’d think about night weaning too.

Our DC2 does have ARFID but once they’d settled in a little at Nursery they did start to eat a little more.

@Moonflower12 @LimeLightLiz Really appreciating the solidarity. I've certainly heard the control idea, but for us difficulties started right at the beginning of weaning, and I didn't think 6 month olds were that cognitively advanced - I thought that was the case with toddlers who initially weaned well, but then cut down on foods at 2. But either way, it's been hard work.

Dry foods also feature heavily here - people have suggested hiding vegetables in sauces. At least it was obvious that wouldn't work....

@whoateallthecookies

I'm against hiding food personally as my DD examines her food so closely that if she found a speck of things 'not on the safe list' that foodstuff would be removed.

She used to eat chicken korma until she found a bit of coriander in it!

We do give a good multivitamin every day and an iron spray.

She will eat fruit pouches. They are a Polish make which we get in Morrisons. They contain carrot but in smoothie form so undetectable and she doesn't read Polish!
She will also drink smoothies- Innocent and Aldi.

My sister and DH were also like this and did eventually widen their food choices.

I feel your pain though.

Can I ask what iron spray you use? We really have to keep on top of iron levels and it’s so difficult where food is so limited.

Please persevere, peer pressure does work. Make sure they get enough nutrition afterwards to compensate for a very light lunch but otherwise give it a few more sessions before giving in

I want to reassure that we went through a only drinking milk phase aged 2-3 (would drink instant breakfast which a fortified milkshake in the USA) and McDonald’s fries and chicken nuggets, just nothing home made (despite for 2 years she ate homemade food, was almost overnight) then gradually added things in but barely ate any vegetables at all (carrots were tolerated) until 5 and only strawberries then dropped those. Gradually accepted more and more veg, eats most cooked as an adult but still doesn’t eat fruit unless in a smoothie apart from mango. Healthy btw but picky!