12-month old hates one particular nursery worker

[Portugal1987]

Hi, I'm looking for some advice.

My son has been attending nursery since he was 6 months old, for 4 afternoons a week. He's very social and has always loved nursery - no tears at drop-off, and he bonded strongly with his original key worker.

About 3 months ago, his key worker moved to the toddler room. Since then, he’s generally gotten along with the other staffm except for one particular lady who joined the baby room around that time. She's creative and kind (we get several paintings a week!), but she struggles with social anxiety, often stuttering during our conversations, and tends to be very serious with the kids. She’s also responsible for getting him down for his afternoon naps.

Since she arrived, we’ve noticed:

• He's started HATING drop-offs, clinging to me, even looking scared, and crying when she’s there (especially during lunch breaks when she’s the only one available).
• He's likely also in the toddler separation anxiety phase.
• He's resisting his afternoon nap but isn’t ready to drop it yet - and it seems she has to "force" the nap, which might be adding to the stress.

We’ve spoken with her, and she believes the nap struggles are the main issue for him not liking her too much.

Could that really be the only reason? Am I overthinking it? Should I escalate this to management? I hoped he would adjust, but after 3 months, it’s only getting worse.

One of my DCs used to burst into tears whenever a particular staff member looked at him (she was later his favourite). They all thought it was hilarious - but they wouldn't have persisted for three months in having that staff member put him down for naps if it obviously wasn't working. I think I would ask her or the room leader to get someone else to try with the naps and see if that helps.

I'd keep an eye, obviously, but a combination of her being quite serious and her being the one putting him down for naps when he doesn't want to nap could explain it. I agree about asking the nursery to try someone else for naps if at all possible.

We had something a bit similar with DD1 at nursery, although she was older. I think she found the more serious staff member a bit intimidating, although she did eventually come round to the really good activities and engaging ideas that staff member provided, and in fact spent a lot of time with her in the end.

I would pull your child out, he is extremely distressed and trying to communicate this to you the best way he can without having words. Please dont ignore him. I say this as someone who did ignore my then 5 year old and forced her to go to a primary school she hated. As she got older she would tell me odd things that went on in the class that she never could quite articulate at the time and I regret not pulling her out back then.

Thanks for the feedback, I think I'll mention it management and check if they can make it 1. Easier for him, possibly have someone else get him to nap or take over on drop-off and 2. Help her maybe "relate" to him a bit better (smiling, being silly, etc.).

I'm so sorry for the poster above, that sounds horrible. I don't think there's a reason to panic though, kids don't like everyone - but I'll definitely keep an eye on it.

Totally reasonable to raise it with management and suggesting a change of key worker, I think. My son loathed his first key worker at nursery. (I don't know why, because the same woman has also been my daughter's key worker, and my daughter absolutely adores her, so I don't think it's likely that she's anything other than the very sweet person she always seems at drop off). When it became clear that for whatever reason this person was part of the problem rather than a potential solution the nursery manager switched things around so she could be his key person and from that point on things improved drastically.