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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

My 3 year old ds has been badly behaved in nursery! But look what the nursery wants to do!

18 replies

ziopin · 15/05/2008 16:33

Hi, My son has been showing some agressive behaviour in nursery. He bit another child (last week) and squezzed another childs face. (today) This has only just started happening.

My childminder drops him off and picks him up, and she is asked to stay behind so they can discuss the days events. Usually they say he's been fantastic/brilliant etc, but once a week they are letting us know if an incident of bad behaviour.

After todays incident, they have asked the childminder to ask me to drop him off or pick him up next week, so they can discuss things with me. That's fine, but they want to recommend that if he's been naughty, they call the childminder and she collects him early from the session!

Would you say this was a good idea?

OP posts:

uberalice · 15/05/2008 16:38

Surely they are paid to look after him for an agreed length of time, and therefore it's not on for them to be sending him away early. What would they do if there was no childminder in the equation? Would they expect a parent to leave work early to pick them up? I wouldn't be happy about it.
Hope you get it sorted out soon. It's always a bit of an upset for a parent when their child starts being difficult.

jingleyjen · 15/05/2008 16:40

is it nursery class at school or a private nursery?

Dragonbutter · 15/05/2008 16:40

Surely the nursery have some sort of discipline routine together to make sure he realises that it's unacceptable. They can't just go calling parents to pick them up every time he's naughty.
i think go along and discuss it with them and come up with something a bit more constructive.

Original poster

ziopin · 15/05/2008 16:41

Hi Uberalice, My main concern is if they send him away from the session, he is going to want to picked up early more often, thus bad behaviour will increase.

OP posts:

BeauLocks · 15/05/2008 16:41

Sounds like they can't be bothered to deal with it tbh.

NotQuiteCockney · 15/05/2008 16:42

I think if a child's having particularly challenging behaviour, it might make sense to make him leave early.

I'm a bit at the use of the word 'naughty', are they saying he's being naughty? Because that's not a great word to be using, tbh.

Original poster

ziopin · 15/05/2008 16:43

It a Welsh nursery, neither private or at the school. Government pay for his sessions as he's over 3. He has ony got 6 weeks left her, before he starts school.

OP posts:

WanderingTrolley · 15/05/2008 16:44

pmsl at the thought of calling parents in when a child has been naughty. Imagine if a childminder or a nanny had such a policy.

Tis shite. If they can't manage a child who is sometimes naughty then they shouldn't be int hte business.

I think early collection will not be seen as a punishment by ds,more a treat, so he will play up more.

BeauLocks · 15/05/2008 16:45

Very true WT. I can just imagine my nanny calling me to say "I'm sorry Beau but I'm leaving early because one of your children has been exhibiting challenging behaviour"

twolittleboys · 15/05/2008 16:46

I agree - if he is doing this at nursery it is their issue to deal with. I think all children go through this - my little boys have been on both the giving and receiving ends of this behaviour before and it passes - they are making a big deal about it. Surely time out, or whatever their policy is on discipline (ask them), and the solution they propose is not going to work, I agree with Dragonbutter, kids wise up the the consequences of certain behaviours, if I go and pinch somebody I get to go home - great! They need a better solution, you pay them to look after him and discipline him - stand firm!!

wheresthehamster · 15/05/2008 16:47

Perhaps some of the 'victims' parents feel it's not acceptable for their children to be at risk of being hurt and have said something?

Also, if your child doesn't want to go to nursery why are you sending him? Seeing as childcare is already in place? Is it possible this is his way of telling you this?

SpacePuppy · 15/05/2008 16:49

Is there a pattern to the behaviour, i.e. the same day of the week, maybe a particular child coming in on that day? surely they would not take such drastic steps for a minor incident? or was it not minor?

Original poster

ziopin · 15/05/2008 16:55

3 incidents in 18 months (all in the last 3 weeks)

Bit another child as he had pushed ds off the tractor

Squeezed another boys face - the boys was sitting next to his best friend!

Was winding the other children up

3 complaints in 3 weeks

OP posts:

twolittleboys · 15/05/2008 17:03

sounds like a 'phase' he is going through, I'm no expert but children at nursery age struggle to know how to communicate their feelings, if they feel puched out or annoyed (as in the first two cases) this is the way they will react, it is up to the guardian (i.e. nursery at that time) to instill in them that this is not approrpriate behaviour and to teach them how they should react in this situation, it is called teaching them right from wrong - can't beleive they are making such a big deal about it. He just needs to be told to take time out in a quiet area and be told it is wrong and to be talked to about the situation ie that if somebody pushes him off the tractor to tell a 'teacher' and they will sort it out, or that they are all friends together and they can't be nasty to other children if they sit next to your best friend etc etc

dylanthecat · 15/05/2008 20:00

I posted on the one in behavior so ill give you the condenced version

time him out and do out and give all the attention to the other child and do observations consider he might be bored

dylanthecat · 15/05/2008 20:01

time him out and give dont know where the rest came from!

cushioncover · 15/05/2008 20:11

I once taught in an inner city school that practised zero tolerance for a whole year. Every single time a child was rude to a teacher or swore or refused to co-operate or was aggressive towards another, their parents were called to school to take them home. If parents did not come their child was taken to the LEA offices to wait (far further away than school) There was such an uproar over it mainly by the parents whose kids were the ones misbehaving. BUT, it absolutely worked. These parents obviously got so pissed off that they finally did something about their child's bad behaviour.

However, nursery is not the place for this sort of policy mainly because 3yr olds can't rationalise their behaviour that way. I mention it because perhaps that is their way of thinking. Have they suggested a home/school book? If he's behaving really well the rest of the time are they overly praising him for that? Stickers etc? Ask what strategies they have tried before resorting to such drastic measures.

Pixiefish · 15/05/2008 20:15

I'd ask them what they are doing about it.

as a teacher I know that kids misbehave when they are given opportunity.

If it's an Ysgol Feithrin then they should be 'on task' ie doing something from when they arrive till when they leave and problems like this shouldn't occur if they are supervised and on task (this should be the case with a normally troublefree child)

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