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Original poster

Is this a concern?

10 replies

TigerLily40 · 10/03/2025 20:09

I was asked to complete my son's term nursery information and I noticed in his documents the nursery charted that my partner/ his father dropped him off one morning back in January and was agitated with him. It also stated he returned to pick him up and apologised and said he felt guilty for behaving the way he did. They stated the witnesses and that the action they will take will be to monitor.

I of course was quite shocked by this and upset but never said anything. I spoke to my partner on return and he said he never yelled but was wrongly annoyed about the struggle we can have getting him to nursery.

The nursery haven't spoken to me about this (maybe they should have?) and I saw they were also monitoring his nose bleed problem (doc has now started treatment). I work in a job where we monitor this sort of things too but I am concerned about being seen as unsafe and bad parents.

My partner is a good father and our son adores him too. I suffer from anxiety so of course my mind goes to social services etc .. dramatic I know! We do try our best with him and love him.

He only has 3 / 4 months left of the nursery and worry this will get reported to the school he is going to. I certainly don't want his school to think we are parents they need to watch. I am not perfect but certainly care how we are perceived.

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SnugNightsss · 10/03/2025 20:13

Try not to let it worry you OP. They’re just being thorough as everyone working with children should be. Neglectful or abusive parents can appear to be ok, so it’s important that staff make a note of anything like this. If they were concerned they’d have already reported you. I know it’s easy for me to say don’t worry, but I honestly think it’s fine and nothing to concern you.

SchoolDilemma17 · 10/03/2025 20:16

What shocks me about your post is that you don’t seem concerned about his behaviour (I mean witnesses! How agitated was he? I have never witnessed anything like that at nursery drop off) and the impact on your child, but only that you are not seen as neglectful or bad parents.
I would be very upset if my DH behaved like this.

Original poster
TigerLily40 · 10/03/2025 20:20

SnugNightsss · 10/03/2025 20:13

Try not to let it worry you OP. They’re just being thorough as everyone working with children should be. Neglectful or abusive parents can appear to be ok, so it’s important that staff make a note of anything like this. If they were concerned they’d have already reported you. I know it’s easy for me to say don’t worry, but I honestly think it’s fine and nothing to concern you.

Thank you for your quick response. I can completely understand why they would document this and thank you for your reassurance.
I keep telling myself that they would have had a discussion with me and reported me already if they had major concerns.
Just a worry and my partner is feeling really guilty for what he done. We both try our best with him and have built up good relationships with the staff there.

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Original poster
TigerLily40 · 10/03/2025 20:22

SchoolDilemma17 · 10/03/2025 20:16

What shocks me about your post is that you don’t seem concerned about his behaviour (I mean witnesses! How agitated was he? I have never witnessed anything like that at nursery drop off) and the impact on your child, but only that you are not seen as neglectful or bad parents.
I would be very upset if my DH behaved like this.

I have spent the evening crying about the impact this may have had on my child so please keep judgemental comments to yourself. I read the riot act more than once and am shocked and saddened by what happened.

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ScaryM0nster · 10/03/2025 20:22

It sounds like a nursery who are on the ball with their record keeping.

And as you’re probably aware, any real concerns get escalated straight away not monitored by nursery staff - so you don’t need to worry about social services etc. As a single event, there’s also no reason for them to be passing it along to the school.

(and for the judgey comment, I think if we’re honest most of us who need to work to fixed time drop offs have handed a child over to nursery in a pretty frustrated manner at least once).

Original poster
TigerLily40 · 10/03/2025 20:24

ScaryM0nster · 10/03/2025 20:22

It sounds like a nursery who are on the ball with their record keeping.

And as you’re probably aware, any real concerns get escalated straight away not monitored by nursery staff - so you don’t need to worry about social services etc. As a single event, there’s also no reason for them to be passing it along to the school.

(and for the judgey comment, I think if we’re honest most of us who need to work to fixed time drop offs have handed a child over to nursery in a pretty frustrated manner at least once).

Thank you for being understanding. My partner is human and feels immense guilt for what he done. But you know what, I am far from perfect so can understand people becoming stressed. He adores his son but admits his mistakes and wants to work through them.

OP posts:
littleluncheon · 10/03/2025 20:29

Are these files that you're supposed to have access to or have the nursery shown you accidentally?

Original poster
TigerLily40 · 10/03/2025 20:31

littleluncheon · 10/03/2025 20:29

Are these files that you're supposed to have access to or have the nursery shown you accidentally?

Well it was her nursery folder and it had these sheets in it but I think it was an accident on their part but not exactly highly confidential either.

OP posts:
littleluncheon · 10/03/2025 20:41

TigerLily40 · 10/03/2025 20:31

Well it was her nursery folder and it had these sheets in it but I think it was an accident on their part but not exactly highly confidential either.

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Definitely sounds like someone has filed them incorrectly and they should be kept in a safeguarding record somewhere - I would let the nursery know.
I wouldn't worry too much though, almost every child ill have some kind of note written about them - if the nursery were really concerned they would have spoken to you and made a referral.

Original poster
TigerLily40 · 10/03/2025 20:44

littleluncheon · 10/03/2025 20:41

Definitely sounds like someone has filed them incorrectly and they should be kept in a safeguarding record somewhere - I would let the nursery know.
I wouldn't worry too much though, almost every child ill have some kind of note written about them - if the nursery were really concerned they would have spoken to you and made a referral.

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Yes I should mention it to them as it should probably be kept more securely than just in her folder.

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