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Original poster

Baby won’t settle at nursery

20 replies

Fir5ttimemum123 · 03/03/2025 09:39

My baby is 9 months and is currently trying to settle in at nursery. He’s so bright that he knows every time we walk into the nursery room he starts to cry!! He’s been so attached at the moment to me. So far he’s there around 45 mins every morning while I sit in the parents room and basically cries most of the session. How long did it take your babies to settle/ any tips? I’m back to work in 6 weeks time so have to persevere

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JollyHostess101 · 03/03/2025 13:17

I feel your pain our 19month has had two settling in sessions and has just cried!

What have nursery said ours have said sometimes kids just take longer so we're going to try again on Thursday the next days she's due in and see how she is!

lnks · 03/03/2025 13:19

Can he hear or see you in the parents room?

How many sessions has he had so far?

GivingUpFinally · 03/03/2025 13:24

Persevere! It will happen, he will settle. It took around 3 months for mine to settle. The further apart their days are nursery the longer it will take. Mine has been going for 9 months now and some mornings are still touch and go. He was settled after 12 weeks ish but has recently gone into another room. This transition has been much, much easier though.

We tell dc every morning when they wake up that it's a nursery day etc and use positive language and this morning when told we got a "no, no, nooo" but was fine going in.

The nursery staff helped massively by just taking dc. No messing or mucking around - hand over screaming baby and out. They were able to settle quicker and quicker after each day. On pick up for months dc would see one of us and start crying but that has stopped now and dc wants to show us the toys, the activities etc. It does get easier. It's harder on you than them.

Katela18 · 03/03/2025 18:30

How many session has he done?

For both of mine, they didn't settle until they were there for a duration, ie minimum half a day. After that it was a couple of weeks of that routine and they were fine.

It will take time, but I don't think it's realistic to expect him to have settled with such short sessions!

JollyHostess101 · 03/03/2025 21:30

Katela18 · 03/03/2025 18:30

How many session has he done?

For both of mine, they didn't settle until they were there for a duration, ie minimum half a day. After that it was a couple of weeks of that routine and they were fine.

It will take time, but I don't think it's realistic to expect him to have settled with such short sessions!

Stupid question but did you just let them stay there being unsettled? Our nursery have said it's up to us and they'll call us after whatever amount of time we choose if she hasn't settled..... I'm kind of thinking she needs to stay for at least a bit longer as she's only down 2 x 90mins but husband thinks little and often!!

NuffSaidSam · 03/03/2025 21:33

It's still early days if you've only done a couple of short sessions. Give it a couple of weeks of full session to see how he gets on.

I'd also start looking at alternatives (childminder/nanny/nanny share etc) just so you know where you stand if he can't settle. Nursery doesn't suit all kids.

Katela18 · 03/03/2025 21:45

@JollyHostess101
Yes, sort of....but both of mine were younger than yours when they started (around 12 months) so although they were upset initially, I would call nursery after about 30 mins and most times they would tell me they were ok and enjoying a cuddle or whatever activity they were doing.

Mine did:

2 x 1 hour settle session which I hung around for
Then a few weeks of half days a couple of times a week
Then moved up to their 'full time' which is 3 days of 9-4 at current.

It is hard, but it's worth doing because once they are actually settled they run in so happy and for me I saw the benefits they were getting! I get your husbands thought process but I remember our nursery saying if they are only there short spurts it takes them longer to adjust because they don't experience the 'routine'.

Either way, best of luck I'm sure she will get there! Smile

JollyHostess101 · 03/03/2025 21:48

@Katela18 thank you so much for taking the time to reply!

I think we'll see how she is on Thursday her first "proper day" we're both about so can go and collect her if needed so I'm thinking maybe push it to a half day- the staff didn't seem to mind her crying!

She's literally only been with us so it's a massive change I just didn't realise how hard it would be!!

PurpleThistle7 · 03/03/2025 22:01

My daughter didn't settle until she started her proper schedule. Think she just needed to get into the routine. My son wasn't bothered at all but he's much more easy going about pretty much everything.

2021mumma · 03/03/2025 22:05

It took around 6 weeks for my little one to settle. He settled better when his dad dropped him off compared to when I did. Be kind to yourself is such a tough time

Tallyrand · 03/03/2025 22:09

It's so hard with your first child going in to nursery but unless you can be a SAHM or have huge family help you'll just have to make it work.

Most kids eventually settle.

We had both of ours in before they turned 1 because we read about babies having separation anxiety about the 13 month stage. Basically when they can realise and understand you aren't with them.

It is tough at first but just persevere. I found it easier if I didn't show the nursery staff that I was upset as well, because then they would send me updates and pictures to show that actually 5 minutes after you left she was away playing happily.

FlyingHighFlyingLow · 03/03/2025 22:16

We had an awful settler. I would get calls to pick up as refused all food and water and it was 30 plus degrees so couldn't keep.

Suddenly it clicked and it's his favourite place. Gets excited when sees his bag, waves to all the staff with a massive grin entering the building, walks in and doesn't look back.

What made a difference for me was switching the settling in until the afternoon after a proper good nap and lunch at home so went in at his happiest rather than shortly before usual nap time (which as a breastfed baby was when he was obv most clingy to me!), and was not close to needing food etc either. Within a week of that the crying lessened a lot and was just drop off. The next week we tried lunch there (while sending in absolute favourite foods to try and bribe, and putting squash in his water). Worked on sleep after that. Consistency was key. If he was ill and didn't go for a couple days it put him back. Bank holidays was the enemy as meant had been 3 days. The more they're there, and longer the time the better they settle.

Original poster
Fir5ttimemum123 · 04/03/2025 07:56

Thank you for the reassurance everyone!! This makes me feel better… he will only be doing 2 full days a week but atm they have him there every morning settling in. Once we go into the room now he even knows and starts to cry 😂 they have kept him in the room for 30mins while unsettled and have said they’ll try to increase each week. Hope it gets better as we live away from family and have no other childcare!

OP posts:
JollyHostess101 · 04/03/2025 07:58

Fir5ttimemum123 · 04/03/2025 07:56

Thank you for the reassurance everyone!! This makes me feel better… he will only be doing 2 full days a week but atm they have him there every morning settling in. Once we go into the room now he even knows and starts to cry 😂 they have kept him in the room for 30mins while unsettled and have said they’ll try to increase each week. Hope it gets better as we live away from family and have no other childcare!

Same here we're only going 2 x full days (hopefully) and we have no family nearby who could help so I'm hoping this works!

Like you the replies here have given me some hope!

Our first proper day is Thursday and I think we're going to aim for picking her up after lunch see how she gets on!!

PurpleThistle7 · 04/03/2025 07:59

Fir5ttimemum123 · 04/03/2025 07:56

Thank you for the reassurance everyone!! This makes me feel better… he will only be doing 2 full days a week but atm they have him there every morning settling in. Once we go into the room now he even knows and starts to cry 😂 they have kept him in the room for 30mins while unsettled and have said they’ll try to increase each week. Hope it gets better as we live away from family and have no other childcare!

Are they two days in a row? If possible this might help so it’s not constant change. Honestly I’d follow their lead - they’ll have seen everything before and will have suggestions. We didn’t have any other option either so just had to do it and my daughter was fine after a few weeks. It was key to us to just start doing the full days asap though so it wasn’t getting used to several different steps. Of course your baby will be different but it’s something to consider if these really short days don’t progress by the time you need them to - it might actually be better once it’s just the regular schedule n

Original poster
Fir5ttimemum123 · 04/03/2025 09:25

JollyHostess101 · 04/03/2025 07:58

Same here we're only going 2 x full days (hopefully) and we have no family nearby who could help so I'm hoping this works!

Like you the replies here have given me some hope!

Our first proper day is Thursday and I think we're going to aim for picking her up after lunch see how she gets on!!

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Good luck!!

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Original poster
Fir5ttimemum123 · 04/03/2025 09:25

PurpleThistle7 · 04/03/2025 07:59

Are they two days in a row? If possible this might help so it’s not constant change. Honestly I’d follow their lead - they’ll have seen everything before and will have suggestions. We didn’t have any other option either so just had to do it and my daughter was fine after a few weeks. It was key to us to just start doing the full days asap though so it wasn’t getting used to several different steps. Of course your baby will be different but it’s something to consider if these really short days don’t progress by the time you need them to - it might actually be better once it’s just the regular schedule n

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Yes two consecutive days which is good. Totally, you know they will have seen this before, but when it’s your child you feel like they’re the only one that’s ever struggled to settle 😂

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emilyhignell22 · 04/03/2025 18:17

As hard as it can be to see him upset I would try and give it more time and hope that he settles. Being in a whole new unfamiliar environment and with new people , faces/voices will take them some time to get used to and a nursery routine could be slightly different to his although we always tried to follow the babies/child’s routine to begin with.

Has he got a comfort blanket/muslin or soft toy that he uses?

It’s great that you have given him and also yourself that time before you are due to return to work!

LouiseAG · 17/09/2025 13:11

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Fykus · 03/10/2025 09:55

Hi there, saw this post and I am in the same boat with my almost 8mo daughter who has been having daily settling sessions this week and has oretty much cried the whole time. Did your little one eventually settle into nursery and how long did it take roughly?

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