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Nurseries

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Original poster

Anxious new mum worried if returning to work full time - will my baby grow less attached to me?

15 replies

LeoMum2024 · 05/02/2025 20:37

Hi mumsnetters,
I have a 5 month old boy and I’m really anxious about returning to work full time when my mat leave ends at the 6 month mark. I’ve always been a very driven and ambitious woman but the birth of my baby has changed me to a degree where I’m lying awake at 2 am wondering how my baby and I will cope with c. 9h of separation 3 times a week?! (I can work from home 2 days a week but he will still need to spend a few hours in the nursery on those days)
In the beginning, both sets of grandparents will help out until my son is 1.5 years old but then he will be in a nursery for 9-10h at least 3 days a week. Could I get some of your experiences around return to work, full days in the nursery etc?
I am contemplating changing jobs to have more quality time with my boy but it will take time and we’re also trying to pay off a mortgage…
Does this feeling of having a rock on your chest when you go to work and have to leave your baby ever go away?

OP posts:

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Springadorable · 05/02/2025 20:48

Those will be long days. If you're considering changing jobs I'd look at options now as for me I'd rather not rush to pay off the mortgage and have time with them when they are little. But only you can tell what the best balance is for you and your family.

MissAmbrosia · 05/02/2025 20:50

The thinking about going back is worse than the actual going back in my experience. It takes a few weeks to get used to the new routine. And then in the first year, we had many nursery bugs so in my case I worked a from home a bit. I didn't have any grandparent help so dd went to nursery full time from 6 months. It was a great nursery with lovely staff and in fact when we moved abroad when she was 2 - leaving there for the last time was the only time I cried. She was absolutely fine and then when we moved to Belgium she went to Kindergarten FT and was also fine. She is 20 now and in her last year of Uni. She remembers none of it all - but we had plenty of lovely times still. I have no regrets - keeping my career going meant I had a lot more flexibility later on with regards to home working, leaving early etc.

landobroken · 05/02/2025 20:53

Our little one thrived at crèche from 11 months and she loved it and still does. The thought of going back is worse than the reality. I used accrued annual leave to give me a four day week for a couple of months so it didn't feel so full on - is that an option? You will be ok.

Holliegee · 05/02/2025 20:57

You will ALWAYS be Mummy.
In my experience as a mum (who stayed at home and is now 50 in a shit job) and as a nursery nurse (I don’t work as a nursery nurse).
You benefit from being in work,financially you are better off, you keep your work history flowing,you can work your way up the ladder,you can afford a better lifestyle and baby goes where he is loved by grandparents and to nursery where he is cared for by staff who are trained to help him grow - he spends time with other children,develops lots of new skills and every night he is with you and weekends and holidays you are mummy.

It will be ok, that says d if after a while it’s not working then never say never !

TheEllisGreyMethod · 08/02/2025 15:04

I agree the thought is worse than the practice. Although it's clear I've changed, and I just don't care about work as much.
I ended up using accrued leave to go back 3 days and now I've condensed my hours to do 8-6 four days. Which is exhausting but I usually started early a d finished late anyway. Are these options? Also to say DD STILL hasn't managed a full week in nursery because she's always picking something up, id say amongst my friends we think the DC only manage 60% of their hours.

MakeItToTheMoon · 08/02/2025 16:27

By 1.5 years old your DC will enjoy the variety of activities that nursery provides. Like you said grandparents will help out initially.

I personally found it really difficult the first few days but once you see your child having fun and playing with other children that feeling lifts.

Maybe consider a childminder as I personally liked the "family" feel.

CarpetKnees · 08/02/2025 17:17

No, of course he won't. You will always be his Mum.

I'm not sure how changing jobs would help you. Not many jobs where you could travel to work, complete your hours, travel back to the Nursery in less than 9 hours.

Honestly, the thought of doing this is FAR worse than the reality. It sounds like you have a career you enjoy and once you are in work you'll be focusing on that during work hours.

lnks · 08/02/2025 17:20

He will form new attachments with staff, which is a good thing, but none that replace the attachment he has with you.

26dX · 08/02/2025 17:22

My DD does 2 days a week 8-5 and rest with grandparents. I've been back at work full time since she was 10 months old and she does not leave me alone 😂 she's 3.5 now x

TooManyNiblings · 08/02/2025 17:26

If the long days really affected children, they wouldn't be allowed/offered. Your child will be one of many spending time away from their primary carer and it will be fine.

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 08/02/2025 17:29

I went back to work full time after both my DC were born. It made no difference to our bond. Babies know who mummy is - and they also bond with other reliable caregivers, like grandparents and child minders. It's really good for babies to have a range of loving adults in their lives, but parents will always come first in a baby's eyes.

Spring2025 · 08/02/2025 18:04

It won't impact your baby's attachment to you. They'll hopefully form a new attachment to their key person, as they will be providing the warm and responsive care and reliably meeting their needs during the day. That is in addition to their primary attachment to you.

Notgivenuphope · 08/02/2025 18:07

A lot of very sensible advice here OP.
Your child will be fine.

feelinhopeful · 08/02/2025 18:15

I work in a nursery. We love the children we care for and look after them like they are our own. Without a doubt I would sacrifice myself for them in an emergency situation BUT nobody will ever replace their mum. They get so excited at collection time and those moments are so precious to witness.

Make sure you have plenty of settle in time and really get to know the staff. If you know your little one is happy, safe and thriving, it will help you to relax. I agree with PP, the thought of leaving them is the worst part.

theduchessofspork · 08/02/2025 18:22

He certainly won’t be less attached to you! You are and always will be his mum.

He will form attachments to others, which is good and healthy, but they won’t be as strong as the one he has to you, or his dad.

It takes time to get the right system for you so allow for a period of adjustment. If sometimes not right, tweak.

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