Pull 3 year old out of nursery?

[Hetty222]

I’d love everyone’s advice on nursery. I’m not sure weather to pull my daughter out or stick at it. She’s been at nursery 8 months now, and we’re still getting tears every morning, saying she things like ‘I don’t like it’ ‘no play group please’ ‘no mummy please it’s scary’ now I trust her key worker who constantly keeps me updated and answers any questions I have. She has told me that my daughter doesn’t really like to socialise with the other children and is happy playing alone (which there working on) as a the main reason for sending her was to work on her socialisation with children her age. They say as soon as daddy drops her off she settles within a few minuets, they do send updates but not daily. She refuses to talk about her day when we pick her up, she only does 8:30-13:30 three days a week. She comes out at collection happy. It’s just you can see the anxiety and dread in her eyes when you say anything about going to nursery or let’s get ready for nursery. I’m told it could be separation anxiety, but 8 months seems a long time to have this behaviour! She’s has been off for 3 weeks now, two weeks for the Christmas break, then a week where she had a nasty chest infection. Now the nursery has chicken pox and I’m 28 weeks pregnant so worried about sending her, but I appreciate it’s a long time off! Her behaviour seems to have improved since being off, I regards to she seems more confident and happy, but I know that’s not the only thing to consider to keeping her off. She is due to start school in 1.9 years so plenty of time, I just don’t know if it’s right to pull her out now we’ve made 8 months progress, or weather to pull her out and work on her confidence and socialisation skills at home with groups when I’m there? Any advice would be so so helpful as I’m at a loss what’s best to do! I only want best for her either way, but she’s my first and I don’t want to do more harm than good sending her to somewhere she doesn’t like, maybe then resulting in her feeling the same about pre school/ future school. Thank you in advance!

Would a school nursery suit her better?

If she doesn't need to go I'd maybe pull her out but do some playgroups with her. Then look for a different setting for September

My son started the private nursery when he was 10 months and he cried almost every day until he turned 2.5 years old. We gave a gap of few months as we travelled abroad most recently. When we came back we put him in a school nursery and he goes in happily there and it tells me that he likes it here whereas, in the private one he used to get sad even if I mentioned to him about going there.

I don't know if this is because it's a school nursery or with age he is overcoming his fears and anxiety. He is 3+ years now.

Also, in the previous nursery he usesd to go 3 full days whereas in the school nursery he goes only for 3 hrs all 5 days.

I am not fully satisfied with the school nursery because I feel private nursery's care is much better but at the end of the day my son is happy here than the previous nursery. Also, in the school nursery I don't have much transperancy so it's very confusing for me but we are just going with the flow.

May be try changing the nursery or try her settling session in a school.nursery. wishing you good luck😊

Obviously not. I thought I made that clear in the post, also I'm not sure if you comment is suited for the 'help and advice' I asked for thank you.

It's a Legitimate Question. You can clearly afford to not send her / work (or you don't work) you'll be on mat leave soon so you're obviously thinking about being off with both of them/

How are you going to get her ready for school after 9 months of being at home?

We're debating this too, I think we're going to do it. Some kids don't love it. Lots don't, to be fair, but it's not an option for a lot of people to configure life around them. It is for us, so I feel awful every time I send him.

We do lots of playgroups now and will add even more when he's not going to nursery anymore. He's happy and settled and confident when he's with us, he barely gives us a backwards glance, I think it's the amount of children and chaos in the room that he struggles with.

You've got nearly two years for her to be ready for school. She's massively different now to how she was two years ago - she will be in another two years, too.

Pull her out, let her develop her confidence at home as you’ve said that has improved the last few weeks. It doesn’t benefit children being forced to do a thing early because they will be forced to do it later. I tried this with my eldest because he was a summer baby and ‘would have to get used to it’. He and I were miserable.
They develop so quickly at that age, that a few more months at home might make all the difference.
I agree with the above poster who suggested playgroups too.

I can empathise completely, my DS1 was like this, it is heart wrenching. He wasn’t saying things like it was scary though, that would worry me. it was the separation from me that was really hard for him, he was a summer born baby. I used to go home, ring playgroup to be assured that he was happy, playing etc. I kept him there thinking it would make school easier, it didn’t make any difference whatsoever! He was just the same, when he went into reception. Do what’s right for you and your child. Good luck.

If you don't have to send your daughter to nursery, I would take her out. I can't see any point in upsetting her by forcing her to go, particularly if you're only sending her for socialisation. I didn't send my daughter to nursery until six months before she was due to start school, and then she only went for two afternoons each week. By that age, she was completely able to understand and accept that she had to go to school every day, and she was trying out her nursery to see how she managed being away from me. She was absolutely fine when she started in Reception, because I had prepared her for it and what would happen in school. She was happy and confident when she started school and was far more advanced with reading, writing, and maths than the other children in her class.

I think preschools (playgroups?) with much shorter hours and a less hectic pace, plus leisurely time with you sounds like a much nicer combination since you'll still get a bit of independence from each other and it's a far gentler approach.

As I seem to keep writing tonight 😁 a full day at nursery is really noisy and busy

It took my child 3 months to adapt. She cried every day going to school. But from the fourth month onwards she was happy and wanted to go to school every day.
Edit by tap road game

If she doesn't have to go to school until 2026 I'd take her out and try again with a preschool setting in September. You are right, 8 months is a long time to still be struggling.

It sounds like she needs a smaller quieter setting to start off with. Either a different nursery or a childminder. Assume it is going to be more expensive - the legal minimum staff to child ratio is one adult for 8 children so most places operating at breakeven or low margin levels will be aiming for 24 children and 3 staff members in the room and that sounds too overwhelming for your DD. A smaller private nursery with say 10 children per room is likely to suit her better.

From my previous experience. Pull her out and start a different pre school. I moved both my children a few times till we found a perfect fit and now they are so excited to go!

I was the same as a child and it traunatised me for life and I have issues. I remember being 3 and being taken to Nursery it wasn't for me I hated it. It was too soon I was not ready. I was ok to go to school at 5 but I was very behind due to the iseues with Nursery. I would have preffered my nother keeping me it home
My DS1 has 0 interest in nursery so we keep him home and will he himeschooling anyway.
I have a 3 yr old and 6 month old and managed fine. My DS1 is learning loads at home and HV said he is very advanced for his age. Vocab is complex and he is learning 2 languages. We take him to playgrouos and we do outings a lit so he gets to socialise in a way that suits him.

Definitely no harm in removing then trying a different setting from September. There are plenty of relaxed baby/toddler groups which welcome children aged 0-5 (which could be useful when your second arrives if you would like something to do with both). Time at the park and playing at home are hugely beneficial too. I never went to Nursery but settled into Reception easily. Good luck whatever you decide 😊