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Original poster

Nursery incidents

9 replies

2023novbaby · 16/01/2025 19:46

Hi all,
I hoping someone can give me some reassurance or advice on what I should do.
My DD is 14 months old, since the end of December every pick up from nursery we have had to sign an incident form due to my child 'hurting' another child. Some examples of these are scratching other children's faces, pushing other children, she bit another child once and sitting on another child.

I am starting to feel really deflated and like my child is the bully of the nursery and the only one that seems to be doing these things. She doesn't act like this at home or at her playgroups/classes she attends with me so is difficult to teach how how to not do it because he doesn't do it anywhere else other than nursery.

Any advice would be appreciated and please be kind as I'm already feeling rubbish about the whole situation.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 16/01/2025 19:54

If he's acting out in only one setting, what does it tell you about that setting?

Are you happy with it generally?

Ask for a meeting with the manager and his key worker to discuss why they think he's acting out in this way. It's for them to solve.

Notthebeard · 16/01/2025 19:58

Have the staff asked for a meeting with you to discuss strategies to support your DD? If not, please request one. They should be tracking to incidents and keeping a record of the triggers, which then makes it much easier to redirected your DD before an incident occurs. Ask them what the triggers are for your DD, how they plan to stop the incidents, what they can put in place to help your DD find a different way to respond etc. It sounds like they need a better plan if the incidents have been happening daily!

Please don’t feel bad. Your DD is very very young. Toddlers haven’t really developed empathy and then tend to assume everyone feels the same as them.

I’ve had some success with the book “Hands are not for hitting” - you could try reading that to her.

BarbaraHoward · 16/01/2025 20:02

At 14 months she can't help it, so definitely no need to feel like she's a bully. She has no idea she can hurt the other babies, she's just a baby herself. She's not being bold or anything.

Have a meeting with the manager to find out what's going on, and whether her rate of incidents is higher than the other babies - recording one baby sitting on another as an incident seems a bit much! Tbh so does scratching (because they don't understand gentle) at this age. Also whether she's happy, do they happen when she's tired/teething/hungry/wanting attention etc.

Certainly I wouldn't have thought much if I was on the other end of an incident report at that age.

Original poster
2023novbaby · 16/01/2025 20:25

NuffSaidSam · 16/01/2025 19:54

If he's acting out in only one setting, what does it tell you about that setting?

Are you happy with it generally?

Ask for a meeting with the manager and his key worker to discuss why they think he's acting out in this way. It's for them to solve.

I thought I was happy with the nursery but now I am questioning it to be honest

OP posts:
Original poster
2023novbaby · 16/01/2025 20:27

Notthebeard · 16/01/2025 19:58

Have the staff asked for a meeting with you to discuss strategies to support your DD? If not, please request one. They should be tracking to incidents and keeping a record of the triggers, which then makes it much easier to redirected your DD before an incident occurs. Ask them what the triggers are for your DD, how they plan to stop the incidents, what they can put in place to help your DD find a different way to respond etc. It sounds like they need a better plan if the incidents have been happening daily!

Please don’t feel bad. Your DD is very very young. Toddlers haven’t really developed empathy and then tend to assume everyone feels the same as them.

I’ve had some success with the book “Hands are not for hitting” - you could try reading that to her.

Thank you for your response, it has ease my mind a little.

No, we have not been asked for a meeting. I am writing an email as we speak to ask some questions and hoping we can get to the bottom of it which I will then request a meeting to discuss the answers.

OP posts:
tarheelbaby · 16/01/2025 20:28

Definitely ask for a meeting. Find out what is going on. Ask about all of it. PPs are full of good questions to ask so make a list. At a minimum, the setting should be addressing all these issues themselves.

Original poster
2023novbaby · 16/01/2025 20:29

BarbaraHoward · 16/01/2025 20:02

At 14 months she can't help it, so definitely no need to feel like she's a bully. She has no idea she can hurt the other babies, she's just a baby herself. She's not being bold or anything.

Have a meeting with the manager to find out what's going on, and whether her rate of incidents is higher than the other babies - recording one baby sitting on another as an incident seems a bit much! Tbh so does scratching (because they don't understand gentle) at this age. Also whether she's happy, do they happen when she's tired/teething/hungry/wanting attention etc.

Certainly I wouldn't have thought much if I was on the other end of an incident report at that age.

Thank you!
Yes, I am going to request a meeting, I'm quite a shy person and do get flustered when talking to people in person to which I then forget to ask things etc. but I'm hoping I can write down my questions before I go which will help me

OP posts:
TTCJJB · 16/01/2025 22:48

Notthebeard · 16/01/2025 19:58

Have the staff asked for a meeting with you to discuss strategies to support your DD? If not, please request one. They should be tracking to incidents and keeping a record of the triggers, which then makes it much easier to redirected your DD before an incident occurs. Ask them what the triggers are for your DD, how they plan to stop the incidents, what they can put in place to help your DD find a different way to respond etc. It sounds like they need a better plan if the incidents have been happening daily!

Please don’t feel bad. Your DD is very very young. Toddlers haven’t really developed empathy and then tend to assume everyone feels the same as them.

I’ve had some success with the book “Hands are not for hitting” - you could try reading that to her.

The baby is 14 months old...

hookiewookie29 · 17/01/2025 09:17

Oh my goodness she's only 14 months bless her- still a baby! Please don't take it to heart, she's so young and still learning. Nursery can be overwhelming sometimes and this is her way of dealing with things- she can't communicate well enough at the moment to say what's bothering her so she's doing it another way.
Nursery are logging everything to cover their own back- quite rightly- and some of the incidents are very minor thst probably caused no harm at all, so please don't overthink it.

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