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3 year old struggling with transition from child minder to nursery.

8 replies

Thispearlydreamer · 12/01/2025 13:24

Having been at a childminder for 18 months, my 3 year old started nursery last week. His days are Mon Wed Fri. I have 5 month old twins too, so the idea is that he'll get a lot out of socialising and independence with time away from me, readying him for a school start next year.

On Monday his start was good, however I collected a very teary eyed boy. The staff said he was crying on and off, and was happiest with staff, but they couldn't stay with him all day.. understandably.

On Weds I got a call at 11 after his 9am start, saying he was still crying after drop off and had been sick because of this.

He did attend 2 settling in sessions the week before for 2 hours each, but I have since found out that his settling in sessions were in a different room with different staff and children as they were only partially open before Christmas.

I'm terrified that the nursery isn't a good fit for him. We have agreed 5 two hour days for the next few weeks in the hope that he'll settle. I'm not sure that he ate much on Monday, as he is a very particular eater and snacks throughout the day more than eating a full meal. I'd prefer this to say him not eating at all. It works for us.

He's 3, only just, so in preschool room. He is a very emotional lad, sure of himself and confident but he holds his heart on his sleeve and feels his feelings very deeply like many children his age.

I'm absolutely dreading even thinking of taking him tomorrow. He really does need more than I can give him at the moment with the babies being so small, and this was just supposed to help him get some energy release etc.

No other settings near us have space for him, so moving isn't an option.

Please help 🙁

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Abracadabra12345 · 12/01/2025 16:38

Can I ask why he left the cm and was he happy there or did you feel it didn't offer enough socialising?

Loopydaloppy · 12/01/2025 18:49

I will echo the previous comment, why did you change from a childminder?

Thispearlydreamer · 12/01/2025 19:40

Due to moving home, probably should've mentioned this. Posted in a local group for info about this setting and decided that I'll draw him out tomorrow as I got too many replies with negative stories of the place!

OP posts:
FrannyScraps · 12/01/2025 19:42

I think that's a lot going on for him. Changing childcare, moving house and 2 new siblings. I'd keep him home until things settle. (I'm a childminder.).

loveyoutothemoonandtosaturn · 12/01/2025 19:45

Oh I feel your pain. My oldest was like this but honestly I'd stick with it. Eventually he will get used to it and it will be part of his routine. He'll be well socialised and ready for school. These things take time and as long as you're happy with the setting and that he's being looked after I'd give it a few more weeks.

1AngelicFruitCake · 12/01/2025 19:45

What I would say when you put him in a new nursery is to try and get him used to having more to eat at lunch rather than lots of little snacks this will help his transition to a nursery.

BarbaraHoward · 12/01/2025 19:52

I think two hours a day every day sounds like a great plan and it's a good reflection on the nursery that they're willing to do that. Keep at it, I'm still he'll find his feet and you'll be so glad come September.

2chocolateoranges · 12/01/2025 19:59

I’m a key worker in a nursery please stick at it, some children come in confidently from day one whereas many come in and can be teary for a few weeks, it just takes time to adjust. Does your child have a comforter , eg fav teddy or a book they enjoy. Most Key workers are very accommodating and will work with you.

we have a little boy who has a knitted love heart he keeps in his jacket pocket and when he feels a bit sad he goes to his jacket touches the heart and will happily come back and play. Other children have a favourite teddy they bring with them.

More frequent but shorter days to start with will help as sometimes having a break in nursery days make it for difficult to settle a child,

Starting nursery is a big thing but it’ll get easier.

my son confidently went into nursery, dd lasted half an hour the first day , 45mins the next day , we just gradually increased the time she spent there over the course of a fortnight and she loved it.

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