Baby is fine... I am not!

[MaltipooMama]

I really feel like an absolute sap writing this but feel pretty embarrassed to talk about it in its entirety to anyone in real life!

So my boy is 13 months old and starting nursery next week, three full days Tuesday-Thursdays. He's had three settle sessions already during which he had a wonderful time, he was happy when I left and he was happy when I returned to pick him up, plus I had several photos/videos uploaded to the nursery app showing him laughing hysterically and very happy! He's a very sociable and outgoing little boy, happy to sit and laugh/play with anyone, even strangers! He's never had any clinginess towards me and I know he will thrive at nursery and absolutely love playing with the other children.

All good, right?! Only for the past hour I've been crying hysterically about leaving him for nearly half the week when he's been by my side practically 24/7 for the past 13 months (I'm 14 weeks pregnant so perhaps this isn't helping!). I'm worried that we'll lose our bond, he won't think of me as his main caregiver anymore, and more than anything I'm just going to miss him so so much. I look forward to seeing his little face in the morning and starting our day together, making his meals, playing with him, reading to him, deciding where we're going to go... I'm just an absolute mess. I don't think it helps that he's poorly at the moment and I keep envisaging him looking for me or wondering why I'm not there when he's tired, sad, poorly... or understanding why he's with strangers.

I know I've been so incredibly lucky to be off with him for so long and I've been looking forward to him going to nursery to experience the social side, but it's just really hit me tonight. Has anyone else felt this way? If so, what helped? Would love to hear all experiences!

Aw it's so hard isn't it! I really struggled. What helped me was seeing him thrive in nursery - they really come on so well watching the other kids. Pick up is still my favourite part of the day! I also really liked the routine of nursery, and getting home to a drink and a book/cuddle. My ds loves nursery now so I don't worry at all!

That's a massive relief reading that - thank you! How long would you say before you started to feel better about it all? I suppose maybe I just have to accept feeling like this in the short term until I start to see that he's really enjoying it

Oh OP I totally get it. Mine didn't start with his childminder until he was 23 months but I was so worried because all he'd known was me. After the first 2 weeks at drop off he'd just run in and not even look back he loves it there so much😅 your little one sounds like he's going to really thrive there so please stop feeling so bad

Ah sending you a hug. When you’re off for mat leave can you maybe reduce his days so you can spend more time with him? “Socialising” isn’t really a thing until kids are 2.5-3.5.

Wow I can only imagine how much more attached I'd feel after 23 months, that must've been so tough! That's my ideal scenario tbh, that he scuttles in without even giving me a backwards glance 😅 really just want to get through these initial couple of/few weeks as I'm sure it will become easier, just this initial time is proving so much harder than I expected

Yeah the running in without a look gave me a heart pang at first but the absolute huge smiles at pick up more than make up for it 🥰

Thank you! And yes see this is another reason why I think I'm being a bit of a loser because it's only going to be for 6 months and then I'll reduce his days when his little sister arrives and maybe have him do only 2 days from 9-3/4pm just to keep his routine but so I can still have time with him. I completely agree on the "social" thing you said, it's his dad hammering this in but then again he is the most outgoing, sociable and friendly person I've ever known! I care considerably less about his socialisation at 13 months old lol

He sounds like a lovely bubba and he’ll make a fab big brother. Xx

I remember feeling the same but when I went to collect DC they crawled/toddled over knowing I'm Mum and so happy to see me. It's great he's happy there, he will thrive and you will be busy again soon and actually realise it's not as bad. Xxx

It's really difficult. Mine went to nursery at 13 months 2 days a week for a month then 3 days a week after that. It took him 5 weeks to settle and I honestly thought about quitting my job it was heartbreaking.

I thought I was doing a silly pointless job answering silly little emails all day and missing out on time with my child. I still kind of think this but I no longer think HE'S missing out. He walks in to nursery with his little bag happy as anything.

What helped was time - he grew up very quickly and became bored at home so I could see the benefit of his attending nursery.

He still loves me and mum is number 1 (except when only daddy will do) so I wouldn't say that our bond is broken or anything like that, if anything I appreciate our time together all the more.

Watching with interest
Im due back at work the end of the month after 12 months mat leave plus accrued annual leave
I know I’ve been so lucky having such a long time with my baby but being away from him 3 days a week breaks my heart 😭

It is so hard especially when they are so little. If it's a gd nursery it makes a world of difference. It's so nice to get updates and pics etc.

Enjoy some hot drinks though that u can actually finish, don't think I'd properly had a hot drink since they were born👍

Mine was ok for a few months then started crying every drop off for a few months. They said as soon as I left she stopped crying and I even hung about outside a few times to check and they were correct. I used to say the tears are just for me to make me feel guilty 😂 and to be honest it got easier and I don't feel so guilty. Stopped the crying around age 2 when I'd say they really started to enjoy it.

Probably 3-4 months, but he started earlier than yours - around 8.5 months. I think the range of normal is really wide, some take to it straight away and some take a little longer, but you'll be able to monitor how well he's settling and the nursery will help! They really are experts at it!

"Socialising” isn’t really a thing until kids are 2.5-3.5."

I'm not sure this is true, not at least for all kids! It's very obvious at toddler groups I go to which kids are in at least part time childcare and which aren't, based on how they interact with the other children. There are obviously multiple factors to this but I think socialising is important for babies from much younger ages than 2.5! Don't want to derail this thread with this debate though...

Pleased to come across this, settling in sessions for us this week and I just feel absolutely awful!

@Beautifulweeds aww that's so lovely! I think that will be really reassuring once I get to that stage, just feels like such a long time away 😕

@PickledElectricity that is honestly such a good point and helps me think from a different perspective, I definitely think nursery will be in his best interest to get him doing things that he wouldn't necessarily do at home, and I'll be happy if he is better off, even if I'm not 😅

@tediber ooh yes I love their app! The updates of his little smiley face will definitely help to reassure me, and it's comforting to know that the guilt eventually subsides, although I will be aware of expecting a bit more clinginess initially

@tangobravo it's really interesting to hear how you feel about the socialisation as this is exactly what my partner thinks too and I really do trust his opinion, he's extremely sociable and outgoing, quite unlike me 😂

@BeTaupeBear @Sunshineclouds11 I hope it offers some sort of comfort at least to know you're not alone in feeling this way! I really hope when the time comes that your little ones have a really good experience, I will try and update this over the next week or so after my little one has started and hopefully be able to share some really good news which I hope will ease some of your anxiety, I absolutely know what you're going through and it's not nice 😔

Aw, bless you. This is quite common. Part of my job used to be working with Nurseries, and I came across LOADS of Mums who missed their dc FAR more than the dc missed them. Also Mums who got upset that their little one was trotting in quite happily and not being upset at leaving them!

Doesn't help that your hormones are all a bit unsettles at the moment.

I'm worried that we'll lose our bond, he won't think of me as his main caregiver anymore
Honestly. This doesn't happen.
Many of us have left our little ones for 5 days a week, 10 hours a day when we returned to work, but none of our dc got confused about who Mum is.

I haven't read the whole thread yet but wanted to say that I felt exactly the same - was so pleased my boy settled into nursery (he loved it), I enjoyed going back to work but the guilt was real and I missed him so much.

He is still a right Mummy's boy - it has, in no way affected our very special bond. He is nearly 6 and thriving at school, very social and generally described as a happy boy xx

Good morning all! I just thought I would post an update as way of a bit of a conclusion, and also to say thank you to everyone for alleviating some of my anxiety and making me feel more reassured about nursery-gate lol

My boy's first day was yesterday and it was wonderful! He practically threw himself into their arms and I also got to see him wave "properly" for the first time! (He'd obviously been keeping this skill a secret for a special occasion!) he was grinning from ear to ear at they led him into the play room, and whilst he was super happy to see me at the end of the day, it took all of about 30 seconds before he tried to climb out of my arms to crawl back into the baby room 😂

Report from nursery was that he'd had a good nap, ate EVERYTHING without throwing anything on the floor (unlike how he does at home!) and made lots of friends, not a single tear shed all day.

I hope this gives some reassurance to everyone who has their baby's first day coming up, and whilst I am missing him dreadfully, I am now happy in the knowledge that he, at least, seems to be enjoying our time apart!

Wow what a lovely update - sounds like he's taken to it really well! Must be a big worry off your shoulders. You'll love watching him go from strength to strength!