Is it okay to start nursery when my child is 3, opposed to 2?

[Hjudge56]

Looking for some friendly answers and no judgement please.

My LO is 16 months and I’ve felt a pressure to start looking into nurseries (as obviously they need to be registered in advance!). From doing so I’ve felt this huge instinct that she wouldn’t be ready at 2 years old and it would be better to wait until she’s 3.

She’s hugely emotionally dependent on me, an extremely fussy eater and isn’t saying any words yet. Obviously we are 10 months from when I intended to start her but the more I’m looking into it the more I feel she may need more time.

She is socialised with children throughout the week, plays amazingly and is the happiest girl.

I’d like to hear if any other parents decided to wait more towards 2 1/2-3 years old before sending their children to nursery? Is this okay to do? I’m in a fortunate position where I don’t need to go back to work so it is feasible for my girl to be at home with me.

thanks :)

My 2 kids didn't get free places until they were 3 so that's when they went

You don’t have to start her at nursery at all if you don’t want her or need her to. You say she’s getting socialisation and you can afford to be at home with her so you really have no need to send her. What makes you think it wouldn’t be ok for her to stay home with you?

I waited until 3 with all 3 of mine until they started pre-school. In my opinion if you don’t NEED to do it then it can be quite fun having them at home when they’re 2-3. Our days got more structured from 2 (usually soft play on a Monday, coffee at Waitrose on a Wednesday, woodland stay and play Friday etc) as they need a bit more interactivity rather than sat on the floor playing trains.
my youngest is almost 4 and goes to pre school 2 full days a week, then we do other fun things the other times!
Do whatever makes you feel most comfy, they aren’t little forever

thats great to hear :) tbh it’s probably just me thinking that’s what most people do! Lots of people around me seem to send them at 2 years old and I thought it was worth looking into but as I say, my gut is that it’s too soon for her.

This is really heartwarming to hear, thank you :) my gut is to wait but I also thought I’d get her name down somewhere so the option is there which is why I’ve been looking into it. I love the idea of her being with me for longer at home, so there’s no problem with our family dynamic for her to do so. Great to hear a positive experience thank you!

It’s not like toilet training when you might be looking out for signs of readiness. Nurseries take children at whatever stage of development they are in and meet their needs based on where they are at. They deal with separation anxiety every single day, along with toileting and other basic stuff, so don’t worry about it from that perspective. Also children will need to go out into the world at some stage, and nursery can be a great first step into being in a setting with peers their own age.

I personally decided to send my son to nursery for 1 morning per week from around 2.5, given that he doesn’t get funding until the term after he turns 3 this was my choice both financially and it was also about the fact that my child is developmentally delayed, particularly speech and communication delayed, so I just talked with the nursery about his needs and off he went. I’m glad I made that decision but it’s you who has to make it on behalf of your child. If they’re typically developing and get lots of socialisation at home then arguably they might not hugely benefit from nursery, but I would 100% say pre-school is a good idea for most children, and from the age of 3.

Of course you don't have to start dc at nursery at 2, they don't have to go at all but I do recommend a part time preschool for at least the year before primary school, my dc did mornings (3 hours) which was in the primary school grounds. I highly recommend that you start them at a regular stay and play type group once or twice a week prior (I don't mean a class where everyone does the same, I mean somewhere they can socialise with other similarly aged children whilst you can get a drink and chat)

DD did two mornings a week from 3.5 for the year before starting school. She loved it and settled in straight away despite not being in childcare before and then settled straight into Reception. So it worked well for us and we’ll probably do the same with DS.

Both of mine started at 3 and a half BUT they spent time with other people - lunch time play dates without me and days with my mother. Both settled into nursery straight away. I did lots of activities with them anyway and couldn’t see the point.

You don't need to do it because everyone else does, everyone else does it because they need childcare, if you don't need to work, or have no disability so don't need some respite then you don't need to put her in Nursery.

Continue going to groups and doing things together and then preschool at 3. By 3 DD was happy to run in to a morning at nursery / preschool with barely more than a wave.

My son goes to nursery for 2 days a week, he started just after his 3rd birthday. He’s a summer baby so starts school next year, we were doing it to prepare him for that and he will probably up a day later next year.

I have absolutely loved having him with me and truly miss him when he’s at nursery! We did have quite structured days, especially from the age of 2. We had a class every day, hartbeeps/rhymetime/monkey music/little gym/tumble tots/swimming. We had plenty of play dates, at least one a week, frequent trips to the parks and playgrounds. We went to stay and plays locally but we changed which ones we attended pretty much weekly. we’re lucky we’re in London so it’s easy to get the museums and have so much on our door step. I’ve also been working on teaching him phonics and now how to read. I’d say it’s definitely been productive, he spent time with new adults and groups of children so going to nursery wasn’t a shock to him.

I think if they’re not at nursery they need to be stimulated, I think it would be easily to fall into a pattern of not doing much!

Must say I was happy he could talk when he started nursery, though he’s not particularly forthcoming about his day, I’d know if he was unhappy or didn’t like something, which is definitely an advantage with having them start later.

They don't have to go at any age. The important bit is socialisation... you can do that through toddler groups, preschool classes, meet ups with friends etc.

It can be fun. The biggest advantage I saw for mine (who did 2 mornings a week, 3hr sessions) was they did activities I never thought of. Not better, just different.

Nursery before school nursery age (term after they're three) is for childcare. If you don't need childcare, don't send her. Children that age are far better off with one on one care.

The current cultural trend that nursery is better than a child's parent is a result of so many people needing to justify their child's long nursery hours to themselves.

Thank you everyone for your comments they’ve been really helpful for me! I forgot to mention in my post that the nurseries most suited to us will only take my LO if she attends 2x full days a week minimum.. whereas I was looking to do 1-2 mornings a week. So this is where I have taken a step back to reassess things :)

My daughter went 2 mornings a week at a preschool for 3 hours at 2 and 1/2 and now only goes 5 mornings a week at school nursery at 3 and 1/2. I will up her to 3 full days around Easter just to get her used to stopping at school for lunch and getting ready for reception next year. I am very lucky, I work in our own family business very part time term time only. We had structured days from 2 when she dropped her nap so every day we either had a playgroup, playdate or class every day. I found she aged out of most of the toddler groups (music, playgroup, rhyme time ect) around 3 and most groups round us only take them until 3. She settled really well at school and is very social.

Nursery before school age is really for childcare. They are not at disadvantage of not going to a nursery setting until around 3.

I think the preschool year (age 3-4 for the year before they start reception) is really important- for independence, school readiness and socialising with peers and would always take up the universal 15 hours that everyone gets the term after they turn 3. Before that, I don’t think it matters too much!

If they drop their nap early though you may need it more than they do. Or if you struggle with toddler groups either through lack of availability in your area or just because you downright dislike them. Or your DH works away/long hours so you struggle to get time to yourself. Then you might find yourself thinking you’ll be a better parent if you get 2 mornings a week to yourself and that’s fine!

But a word of caution- 1 morning a week will be a nightmare for settling because it’s so inconsistent. Nurseries are usually quieter on a Friday so they could make some much needed money out of offering 1 day a week slots and the reason they’re not is because it’s really not in the best interest of the child- they would have no chance to make friends, learn routines and bond with caregivers if attending that infrequently. You should be able to find 2 mornings at a preschool or school nursery though.

My eldest started at 3 at a preschool. A few weeks of upset at drop off and then completely loved it and made loads of friends. My son will probably start earlier as he is desperate to go and can't wait. But there's in no harm in waiting, although I would think it's definitely beneficial to have a least 6 months or so in a setting before starting primary

My DS will not be starting until 3. It's an individual choice and perfectly acceptable for children to start at that age. I worked as a teaching assistant in a nursery class attached to a primary school before having my own child. Children attended from ages 3 to 5. The children typically settled really well and were well prepared when it was time to move onto reception. There is no need to start earlier if you do not want to and do not have the need for childcare.

And to add to that, I do think preschools are much nicer and much more beneficial than nurseries. But obviously they generally end their days before at around 3ish so only possible if you dont work/work part time or have family to do pick up.

Yes it’s fine. I know some children who never went to nursery, just straight to school. Nursery isn’t mandatory. I think 3 is ideal tbh, just a little intro before school starts. Mine started at 2y5 months, 16 months, and 20 months.

This sounds like a day nursery as opposed to a pre school or nursery school setting. These would definitely take your LO for mornings/afternoons only. They are usually 3 hour sessions and perfect for 3 year olds a year before starting school.

Keep her with you. The best of both worlds is playing happily at 2/3 with your parents, with other little ones around too. She's getting all of her needs met being with you. It won't be long before she'll be at school. Enjoy this special time.

Children enjoy nursery most when they start at 3yo. This is the age they love playing cooperatively with their peers. They usually settle in quickly too compared with younger children.

Obviously plenty of children still enjoy nursery from younger but there is no real need to send them unless you have childcare needs as being with their parent is generally better when they are very little.

I sent mine to a school nursery for 5 mornings at 3.5 years. It worked best for our family and they settled in easily, in part because they had a better understanding by that time.

I started my boy at 3 when he was entitled to free childcare - we loved having him at home and were fortunate to manage childcare between family members. He had a little group of similar aged friends who we could meet with every week and when he started nursery it was seamless - no tears or resisting at all and he loved it.
It’s great you can do it when you/your little one is ready, although it might be worth having a rough idea of potential places where you want her to go when it is time so you don’t feel too stressed!