Crying settling in session nursery

[LeMoax]

My 13 month old DS has just started nursery .

First settling in session was with me and a nursery worker and he was fine. Second settling in session I left him for thirty minutes with a different nursery worker who is his key worker, and they said on pick up he was okay. Today I left him for an hour, and when I picked him up he was hysterical and said he had been for the last thirty minutes. They said he seemed happier when with the first nursery worker rather than his allocated key worker. I wonder if this is because his key worker is new to the job and very unconfident (doesn’t make eye contact to me when talking to me etc), and I wonder if DS picks up on this? The key worker spent ages at drop off fumbling around and it had to be me instigating a quick ‘drop and run’ as I’ve read on here that this was best. I guess I feel a bit unconfident in her abilities but I don’t know if I am being mean.

I have a knot in my stomach just thinking about my precious first born so upset!

Can anyone offer a hand hold? I expected tears at drop off but not during the actual time when I’m not there which I know sounds silly!

It's perfectly normal. I'm currently settling 2 babies in. Baby one is happy as Larry, very sociable and has been fine. Baby 2 was fine on visit with mum, great on first visit alone, cried non stop on 2nd visit so called Mum early to get them. Got her to spend 10 mins playing in the room with them so the visit ended on a positive note. Today was visit 3 and cried for first part then fell asleep on keyworker, had a 30 minute nap then woke up happy and played well. Mum was delighted as knew Baby was likely to struggle as never left.

Long story short, some babies take a while to settle. It can be a novelty at first and then they realise it's a regular think. A good keyworker does make a massive difference though.

Thank you so much for your reply @EbbandTheWanderingHearts . The key worker is new and on leaving I asked when the next settling in session should be and she seemed unsure and it basically ended up with me saying “how about Monday? And how about for another hour?”

I don’t really have much confidence in her but I don’t know if I’m being precious.

would you advise sticking with it for a while or asking to change key worker? I don’t want to be “that parent” !!

Really normal and I'm surprised you're surprised!

@Tulip8 he is my first baby and everyone else in my family is a SAHM so I don’t really have experience :(

Is she newly qualified or just new to the nursery? If she's young perhaps your DS is her first key child so she was be a little nervous herself. Perhaps, if you haven't already, let her know how you generally comfort him at home and what his particular likes/dislikes are. If he has a comforter for sleep maybe let him have it while he settles. If you still feel the keyworker is lacking then have a discreet chat with the manager to see if they can support her. Not everyone is a natural with babies. It may take a good few weeks for your little one to settle and don't be surprised if, when he finally settles, if he bursts into tears on seeing you. It's just a release of emotions and perfectly normal too. He'll get there in the end. It is hard though probably more so on you!

Edited as gave your DS a sex change. Sorry!

Perfectly normal and all early years workers need to gain experience and confidence which comes by doing the job.

at my place of work , I don’t know the settling in sessions as this is agreed by the depute and the parent, keyworkers aren’t involved in those decisions.

some children settle in fine and others take time, today we had a settle in our 2-3 year old room, I popped my head in and this little one came to me and didn’t want to be with her own ladies in the room, we work around this and she soon settled within her own room . It just takes time!

Thank you both @EbbandTheWanderingHearts and @2chocolateoranges

The key worker is newly qualified, and you’re right she has to learn and start somewhere :)

I did have to write down all the info about settling at home etc on an info sheet when with the manager but from the questions today it’s like she hasn’t read it. Maybe it’s worth saying it to her face to face.

The idea of me coming in and staying with him for five minutes at the end next week so the session ends on a high is a good one and one that I will suggest.

Thank you both I appreciate it. Any other tips do send my way!! Thank you

It could just be the info that you have given hasn’t been passed on yet, hopefully she gets a chance to read the info so that she knows your little ones likes and dislikes. The more your little one is there then the more the keyworker and your little ones confidence will grow.

if your little one has a comfort, a favourite song, favourite toy or book let the staff know as familiarity helps when settling.

I agree with @EbbandTheWanderingHearts children do cry when they see their parents it’s just all the emotions that they have built up throughout the day coming out.