Is nursery reasonable to send home this much?

[Haaaaaaan]

Son is 15 months. Started at a childminder 2 months ago for part of the week, no problem from day one. 1 month ago started at an expensive nursery (one that boasts about better than legal child ratios wonderful healthy food, big outdoor space etc). Since then he has had 1 full day at the nursery. They send him home for everything. One week I understood, he was unwell. The next week he had hurt his leg and couldn't walk, but was fine with us and childminder. They've sent him home 3 times for being too upset and clingy.
He's back in tomorrow and he does seem a bit tired again and maybe teething or something, the childminder said he was quite upset this morning for a while and needed cuddling all the time. I'm now anticipating the nursery will send him home again if it's the same tomorrow.

It blows my mind that somewhere with lots of staff can't cope when a woman on her own can. Whenever I say he's been fine at the childminder they say well she doesn't have as many probably. She always had at least 4 nursery age though and no help!

I don't know if this is normal? I'm going to give it some time but it's so expensive and he doesn't even seem to like it - he sometimes cries/looks upset to go in which has never happened anywhere else, he isn't a clingy child normally. Feels a bit stupid like I should just stick with the childminder if she has space on the other days!

It isn't just about managing them it's about infection control. Babies will be with other, possibly younger more vulnerable babies at a nursery. Children who are poorly need to rest at home, a nursery environment is busy and loud and they can't have a person stuck with one baby as there are lots of other babies that need them too. I'd imagine a childminder has a mix of ages and can plan the day around a poorly one more easily. It won't matter so much if lunch is half hour late etc.

Stick with the child minder if you possibly can. It sounds as if he is happy with her.

Is a bad leg and being clingy infectious? 🫠

OP it's not necessarily unusual for this to happen, some nurseries do this- cynically I think it helps with ratios when staff numbers are low. If he's happy with the childminder I'd stick with that, I always found ours much more flexible and reasonable; of course kept him off when contagious or too poorly to take part in stuff, but most of the time for low level stuff she was great.

Okay,so the fact that he had hurt his leg an couldn't walk on it, then yes we would have sent the child home. Mostly for the parent to get the child checked medically. His leg must have been really hurting?
Your childminder has said that he's been needing cuddles most of the day? Then yes, if that's the case, then we possibly would send home. If he's needing so much 1 to 1 attention then that takes a staff member out of the ratio, and isn't fair on the other staff or children.

Thanks. Sounds not unusual then but I just thought thats what ratios are for - so there's enough staff. And in my experience if you have 3-4 people you can manage children much easier.

Obviously I expect him to be sent home if unwell, and I kept him home for an extra 2 days at one point myself because he had had a nasty virus I didn't want to spread to others. Id been warned about constant illness when starting nursery and they had said any temperature, vomiting etc and he has to go home. So its really just the repeated calls to say he doesn't seem very happy. It's hard when you're not there because it feels like they just aren't investing in getting him settled and being flexible, because he's always happy enough when I arrive and with other caregivers. But kids can change moods so quickly so who knows when I'm not there!

His leg had been checked out at hospital, it was inflammation of the hip which they said would clear up on its own. He just didn't want to put weight on it but was mostly happy just sat down playing.

I guess we can give it a couple of months and see how he settles. I wish now I had started him at a childminder and started nursery when he's older, but they have a 3 year waitlist so it's not an option now to come back next year!

His leg had been checked out at hospital, it was inflammation of the hip which they said would clear up on its own. He just didn't want to put weight on it but was mostly happy just sat down playing.

Had it been checked at the hospital before he went to nursery, and were nursery aware of what the hospital had said?
I'd expect them to call me if my child couldn't put weight on her leg and they didn't know why. But if she had an issue that the hospital had checked and the nursery were aware of, I'd wouldn't expect them to call me, and tbh would have pushed back on picking her up.

Some nurseries do send home for the seemingly most minor thing. Others are happy to manage a sad/clingy child, perform first aid to minor bumps and scratches and tell you at pick up.

I've had DC2 at nursery for a full year now 3 days a week and I have never yet been called to pick him up early...a couple of times they have told me they've given him calpol, and as long as he is himself and happy to play then they don't mind giving extra cuddles or attention. I've watched staff carrying toddlers around on their hip while entertaining other children, sitting down cuddling one while reading another a story etc.

If he suddenly couldn't walk though I would definitely expect to collect him early. Similarly if he was so unsettled he was disturbing their day to day activities and therefore the care of other children then I'd expect to be phoned.

DD1 got sent home twice in 4.5 years, once for what turned out to be scarlet fever and once for a vomiting bug. DD2 is 2 and has been sent home once, again for a vomiting bug. So doesn't sound normal to me.

I don't remember mine being sent home for anything other than head bumps.

It sounds like he’s not settling there so he’s upset and clingy which not only isn’t nice for him but probably a pain for the staff too so they’re using any excuse to send him home. Does he have to do the day a week at the nursery? Could he go the extra day to the childminder instead? 1 day a week is always going to be a nightmare for settling, in fact I’m surprised it’s even allowed as everywhere I’ve come across is a minimum of 2 days.

I'd say that amount of being sent home is not normal. Both mine were in nursery full time from 12 months. In the 4 years my eldest was there he was sent home a handful of times - all for D&V bugs. I obviously kept him off a bit more when he was unwell. My youngest has been there for nearly 2 years now and been sent home once with D&V again. I've had her off a few more times for temperatures etc.
Not once have either been sent home as being clingy. I've had a few calls to say they were clingy but they will manage it. Mine took months to settle so being upset and clingy was something nursery just managed. If you send them home every time they are clingy they will never settle.

Why so obsessed with nursery at all?
He is happy at the childminder and it works for you so leave him there surely
A good childminder (which it seems she is) can be just as good as nursery especially if she takes him out to groups etc
Mine were both with a lovely childminder and then went to the school nursery aged 3 and it worked so well for us
Lovely childminder continued to do afterschool and holiday care for us until they were older.

That's a nonsense. Mine were at nursery for a combined 6 years and one was sent home once, for suspected chickenpox. Yes, if they're infectious they shouldn't be around others but everything else should have been dealt with at nursery. It's childcare at the end of the day. Their job is to take care of children to allow their parents to work. You can't do that if you're constantly have to pick them up.

Your childminder legally shouldn't have at least 4 nursery age children alone - that's out of ratio.

Your 15 month old has been at the nursery 1 day a week for a month and missed that. He's still in the settling in period which can be more distressing. My nursery wouldn't take children for less than 2 days a week as it's too hard for them to get settled in to the routine.

I would say at 15 months expecting a child to have multiple secondary caregivers is far from ideal. It might be worth you looking at EYFS and attachment theory.

I'm not sure where one day a week came from - it's 3 days nursery 2 days childminder. But thanks everyone, at least I have an idea now what's normal. Hopefully it will settle down, if not I'll see if the childminder can manage.
I absolutely want them to ring me if he's unhappy in case I want to get him, it was just AFTER illness was over and leg had been checked etc I was surprised to have him sent home repeatedly with no choice just for needing too much care. Really hard to know what is actually going on though, and probably harder for them while they don't know him so well.

I think it’s hard for nurseries because for every parent that thinks that they are over reacting , another would be angry that they weren’t called earlier.

@Snorlaxo Oh yeah totally get that but he was absolutely sent home, not just a call to let us know and make a decision or try to leave work a bit early. It is early days though and apparently today went well - I was really expecting him to be sent home as he was a bit tired going in.

His leg had been checked out at hospital, it was inflammation of the hip which they said would clear up on its own. He just didn't want to put weight on it but was mostly happy just sat down playing I'd absolutely expect them to send him home and ask you to get medical help which you did