Settling in day 2 - in bits - thoughts needed

[newmumabouttown]

I’d love to hear any stories, thoughts or words of wisdom.

My DS is 7.5 months old and has just started nursery yesterday, in a group of max 8 with a team of 3-4 in the room (three key people but there was one extra when I went yesterday perhaps because they were at max).

Yesterday was 9:30-11:30 where I stayed for first hour.
Today was meant to be 9:30-11:30 solo but I got a call at 11am to collect him as he was unsettled.

Day 1 - he loved the first part when I was there, running with me holding his hands to join in on playtime. But they seem to have so many meals so at 10am it was snack time. He started getting very upset being in high chair with all the noise and delay to feeding compared to how I do it at home. I gave him a cuddle before I left to settle him. He then fell asleep in someone’s arms at 11am until I came.

Today he had milk and a snack but then apparently was upset so they called me. But confusingly lady at the desk said she thought he’d had a great time.
when we got home he slept for nearly 2 hours, very unusual, so I think he was just tired and maybe overwhelmed.

I was so upset they had to call me and that he has been upset both days.

Possible factors:

• maybe teething, he’s extra dribbly
• 7.5 months - have I picked the worst age as in the past weeks he’s shown attachment signs to me whereas previously he didn’t ask for cuddles and so happy with new places and people
• too noisy - I guess I like calm play and I avoid crowds, so he’s overwhelmed. But we do go at least weekly to a baby group but guess they are more “controlled”
• he hates everything about it, will never enjoy it and I’ve abandoned him and life is the worst it’s ever been (joking, kind of)

We have an 8:30 - 13:00 day tomorrow and I’m trying to stay positive but feel emotionally drained.

How old are the other babies in the room? I found DS’s nursery, despite saying they were 6 months-5 years actually rarely took young babies and before him they hadn’t had one start before 12 months for quite some time. So morning nap didn’t happen, he was given 3 meals and 2 snacks a day so didn’t want the formula - in fairness to the staff they were lovely and did say they tried but he wanted what the others were having and I wanted him to be happy there so didn’t push it, plus he was a bit older than yours at 9 months. But with hindsight I would have chosen somewhere more experienced with babies as opposed to what was really a young toddler room. That said, at that age they do usually settle quickly so hopefully you’ll have less upset soon.

Have I misread? - your baby can run at 7.5 months old?

He just moves his legs left and right to get to where he wants, very much with me holding his weight! Very new skill he’s been showing off the last few days!!

One is much younger, I’d say the others are all a good 3 months older perhaps. Oldest is 15 months and moving to the next room soon.

OK kindly, you need to chill. Its very normal to be unsettled during these first sessions.

I've just settled my hardest baby in 15 years. He cried solidly during his settling sessions and I had to call parents back early both times. He was then supposed to start full days but honestly would never have coped so he did half days and we extended.it over the first week. He's just completed his 6th day and has finally had a great day, all day!

Haha thanks. Is every child different or do you think I have timed this really badly with his age? If they’re in much younger, less attachment, and much older, can understand better?

Settled mine at 8 months. Took 3 weeks before could do longer than 2/3 hours as went on food and drink strike in protest. Then there seemed to be some magical click and the next week was happy as anything and didn't even cry at drop off.

He won't take milk so has more solids and I pop in during my lunch to breastfeed him. Today he smiled and waved at me when I walked it but ignored me and wanted to play with his toy. Waved at me happily when I left to go back to work. Hard to think this is same child that was on food and drink strike 3 weeks ago! He can now go all day just fine. Since starting he can say a couple words, wave, crawl, cruise, clap, point. Maybe would have happened anyway but I think definitely helped.

It will take time. Baby will cry, that's how they protest. But eventually they'll love it.

They're all different and I really don't think you can predict it either. Usually around 12 months is the hardest but that's just a guide. Regardless of age its still a lot to get them used to.

All normal behaviour just try and go with it.

It's just very overwhelming for a small baby to go from being at home in a familiar place with their needs met quickly by familiar people, to being in a busy, noisy environment and having to wait for things.

7 months tends to be a good age for settling in as they don't have too much separation anxiety. Best age is before 9 months or after 2.5 years really.

7.5 months is an awful age to start a baby at nursery. Does he have to start now?

Why awful? What makes it worse than other ages... With evidence please rather than feelings.

Isn’t it obvious? They’re early into their weaning journey, are likely to be developmentally entering into a heightened state of separation anxiety, have very little communication or reasoning ability and so on and so on. It isn’t rocket science

They’re also entering into a period of significant sleep adjustment at around the 8 month mark and it’s also peak time for teething

No not obvious at all. Life for young children is full of significant adjustments. This is just another one. They are very resilient.

No, it's a good age. Post weaning and pre separation anxiety. Isn't that obvious??
There's no sleep adjustment.
It's a better age than 9-12 months when most babies start childcare.

Nursery is a big adjustment, they know no-one but you, but although the new routine is overwhelming for them (hence the naps) it's all learning. I'm sad they rang you to collect rather than persevering, you don't want little ones to click on that if they cry enough, the get to go home. My DDs nursery did breakfast 8-8:30, snack 10-10:30, lunch 12-12:30, snack again 2:30-3:00 then dinner 5-5:30, it can be regimented but it helped me be stricter at home to follow a routine rather than allowing my DDs to graze at home 😂. If they ever got impatient waiting for food, nursery helped them learn to be patient and turn-taking etc.

Keep going with it, if nursery aren't on your page in terms of keeping your little one for the agreed hours even if there are tears, maybe look into other nursery options.

Good luck lovely xx

A 7 month old isn't going to connect that they cry long enough = they get to go home. Staff did the right thing by cutting the session short if they baby was distressed.
The point of settling in is for the baby to have a chance to adjust with as little distress as possible.

Just an update, he had his third settle in session yesterday from 08:30 to 13:00 and it went brilliantly. He napped well, had a good lunch and his milk. And last night slept his usual 12 hours. It was such a huge relief, and we had a wonderful play and cuddle session when we got home.

Thank you for all the sensible thoughts.

Except to the one person trying to make any working parents feel bad. Love all the responses to her, thank you all!

God I hate the word Resilient....children can be but it depends on many factors you can't just say all are. Have you studied separation anxiety or Ace's?

Lovely to hear and as you relax it will get even better.