Child anxious after starting nursery

[Autumnmum30]

My daughter is coming up to 2 and 1/2 and started nursery at the beginning of September. She goes for 2 full days 7.30-4pm. She was previously with a childminder but was removed (by us) and has been with my mum for 6 months between my house and her house.
Since starting nursery she is an anxious mess. She repeats herself constantly "mummy come back see me" "no school mummy" "bed mummy" "I don't like school" "go home" she goes round in circles saying the same things over and over. I reassure her and speak positively about nursery but its not having any impact and the days we do have together are just draining me and not very enjoyable. She doesn't want to go to the park, scoot, go to playgroup anything. She just says "no playgroup mummy go home my house go home" in a circle over and over. She's upset if I go for a shower or food shopping. She will sit with her dad but always comes back to me as soon as i enter the room again. I know they can go through a stage of separation anxiety but this just feels another level. Her eating is also atrocious now too, refuses most things and we've started crying at 5am now too which is fun... not!! Pleased help a exhausted, drained mum out. Thank you in advance xx

Why is she at nursery? Can she not be at nursery? If so, take her out.

If she absolutely must be at nursery can you change her hours to 4 half-days? This might be easier for her.

Speak to the nursery about you concerns and see what they can offer to help her settle. If you're not pleased with how these talks go start looking for another nursery.

Thanks for your reply. She is at nursery because my husband and I both work. My mum has other commitments during the week and only has her for 1 day now.
I have spoken to nursery and they have reassured me that she has a lovely day when there. She eats and naps too which is a positive? Comforts are still with her but she does engage in play etc. The staff and always welcoming and offer her cuddles as soon as we arrive.

Would it help her to have some kind of visual timetable so she knows what is happening each day? If she can see whether it's a nursery day or not that might help ease her anxiety, and you could put other activities eg get dressed, nursery, home, tea, bath... on nursery days, and get dressed, breakfast, park, lunch etc on non nursery days? My daughter was quite anxious/ needed to know what was happening each day as a toddler and a visual timetable helped her with this (she is autistic, not saying your daughter is, but this explained some of her anxiety/ rigidity around routines). I downloaded the pictures from Twinkl but you could make your own in Word, I laminated mine and put velcro on so she could help take them off/ put the next ones on which I think gave her a sense of control. We had a few eg for the morning routine, I'll pop photos here.

What were your reasons for removing her from the childminder? She sounds highly stressed.

Listen to your dd. She is communicating that something is causing her distress. Consider changing nurseries. There could be something going on there or it could just be that it isn’t the right fit for dd.

She is 2.5 years old so might not have the words to be able to tell you exactly what is going on. But children her age can show signs something is wrong through their behaviour. She seems to have had significant changes in her behaviour that would be concerning to me. Also, young children can communicate through play. Play with her with some puppets, dolls, soft toys and see if she’ll show you(role play) what happens at nursery or what is bothering her.

She's realising that this is her new normal, and just wants to be with you. She's only little still. Keep reinforcing positivity around it, eventually she should settle. I see this a lot as a nursery nurse.

I don't think nursery is "the problem" as such because she's sobbing when I leave her with my mum.
Nursery give her the dummy during the day and I don't so I think that's maybe an issue. She shouts for her dummy when I leave her there. Like I said before nursery have reassured me she settles.
She left the childminder because we had a few issues with the lady. For example when I would drop her off in the morning (as an upset 1 year old) she would stand over her and shake her head instead of offering a welcome cuddle and would slam the door infront of me. Not great. Perhaps some old memories are bubbling up for her (and possibly me?)
I'll give a visual timetable a go and persevere with the positiveness! I've asked nursery to send some photos so I can share them at home with her and I've made a photo book of family to take with her.

Hi @Autumnmum30 ( love the name!)

Just wondered how things were going? Did you use a visual timetable? How is your little one now?

The visual timetable has worked wonders!! Honestly, she's pretty much back to her normal self now. Nursery morning drop offs are still quite emotional but she is doing so well there and is full of beans upon collection! Thank you for asking xx

Ahh I'm so glad to read this update! Well done both of you!

That's really great news! Thanks for the update

Children are not as fragile as you think, and may be much stronger than you think, even stronger than you