3 year old crying at dropoff

MumOf2Here · 2024-09-18T08:29:13+00:00

My DS is 3 (4 in Dec) He was fine going into nursery for the first week or so, no crying and was happy to go in. he is now inconsolable for the past few days. His brother (in y2) said he didn’t want to go school one morning. but he says that all the time and happily goes in, but he said this infront of the smaller one and I think it’s triggered him. Ds1 was quite an easy child and cried 1 day and settled in nicely. Ds2 is quite headstrong which makes it harder to calm him down. At drop-off, the nursery teacher just takes him off me and settles him whilst I sneak away. Yesterday she said it took almost an hour for him to calm down and today will probably be the same I assume. Im thinking now the novelty of nursery has worn off, he realises this is part of his life now and hates the change and would much rather be home with me. I don’t know what I’m hoping for, just feel abit rubbish. Any advice? Will it ever end

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OhNoNoNo22 · 18/09/2024 09:33

I'm in the same position, DS3 was fine the first week back but then every day last week was very upset and nursery told me he took 1hr+ to calm down. We've worked really hard on talking to nursery and explaining its where big boys go, before starting school next year etc etc and he's been much better this week. Nursery have also been giving him 'big boy' jobs like putting things away and helping with the new starters as they've got lots of new little 2 year old started. Touch wood this week's been better but time will tell.

Good luck and solidarity 🍷🍫

Newuser75 · 18/09/2024 09:36

It's very hard. I've been there with both of mine.
They do settle eventually and get used to going, even though you feel like your heart will break for them.
Just give it time. He has probably just realised it's a long term thing!

OhMaria2 · 18/09/2024 09:46

He's probably exhausted. It's such a long first half term, and what is enjoyable in the first few days and weeks can seem far less so all of a sudden. It will almost certainly pass. Is your son full time or just half day?
A sneaky day off to rest and process things could be helpful if you can manage it. But don't let your DS know, just say he doesn't have nursery that day or he'll want to do it all the time.

Also we all ask about the fun parts of the day, but it might be worth saying things like
' oh, do you guys do carpet time/ tidy up time/ lining up? That's cool, I know about that too'. Before the routine of nursery/ school really clicks it can be quite stressful for some children.

Also some children, after the initial fun of having played with everything can suddenly wonder, what am I supposed to be doing with all this time? And start to feel a bit uncomfortable. The staff ought to pick up on this if this is the case, but it might be worth asking if they can scaffold his play a little bit.

Have a verbal script that you can run through, ie when you go in to nursery, first you will hang your coat up, then you will go to carpet and then the teacher will tell you what to do next, or what fits with your son's routine.

September is tough. Big hugs OP. Soon he will settle and its a lovely flow of topics and fun running up to Christmas, he will really love it

Original poster

MumOf2Here · 18/09/2024 09:48

Aww bless him. glad ur DS has began to settle and pray it lasts ❤️

He does say he is a big boy - but then says he wants to go into DS1 class instead. Maybe just Hoping they can be together.

Oh it’s hard isn’t it. hope he does settle on soon. thank u xx

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Babybirdmum · 18/09/2024 09:54

If you have to send him then I find play therapy very helpful. Use some of his dolls to act out dropping him off at nursery. Let it play out how he wants he might say “mummy don’t go!” Then you can say your line “I’ll be back later” etc.
Read books about nursery. Watch tv shows about nursery (there’s a new one on ceebebbies about starting schoo). They need lots of prepping for changes. I give toddlers their preschool boosters and I can tell the ones who’ve played doctors before coming and the ones who’ve been told nothing.
Also, I wouldn’t sneak off, make sure you say goodbye and let him know when you’ll be back. Even if he cries it’s better to have the goodbye.

Original poster

MumOf2Here · 18/09/2024 09:55

I definitely agree. the first term is long and I think once they’ve played with everything, they’re like ok, what’s next? Or what else is there to do.
I will speak to the nursery teacher maybe and ask what he does or plays with the most whilst he is there.

he is only part time morning, but is waking up a lot earlier than he was used to, so he is probably just getting tired of the new routine too.

We do talk about what he does at nursery in the order he does things, and he’ll happily tells me when he leaves nursery. It’s the getting him in part.

And definitely, so many exciting things that come, I know he’ll love them he just doesn’t know it yet. Hoping he settles soon. thank u so much xx

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Original poster

MumOf2Here · 18/09/2024 09:56

Yeah I agree, he’s thinking it was ok for the first week, but why am I still doing this !?

Hopefully will pass soon xxx

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Original poster

MumOf2Here · 18/09/2024 10:01

Babybirdmum · 18/09/2024 09:54

If you have to send him then I find play therapy very helpful. Use some of his dolls to act out dropping him off at nursery. Let it play out how he wants he might say “mummy don’t go!” Then you can say your line “I’ll be back later” etc.
Read books about nursery. Watch tv shows about nursery (there’s a new one on ceebebbies about starting schoo). They need lots of prepping for changes. I give toddlers their preschool boosters and I can tell the ones who’ve played doctors before coming and the ones who’ve been told nothing.
Also, I wouldn’t sneak off, make sure you say goodbye and let him know when you’ll be back. Even if he cries it’s better to have the goodbye.

I like the idea of the acting out a dropoff through his toys and play.
And I will check out the CBeebies show today and see if that helps in any way.
We did a lot of prep before by talking about nursery before but I do feel like the novelty has worn off and he’s thinking “everyday!?”

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TemuSpecialBuy · 18/09/2024 10:06

Im thinking now the novelty of nursery has worn off, he realises this is part of his life now and hates the change and would much rather be home with me.

I think you are projecting

I also think it’s worth closely looking at how you are behaving and responding in the lead up to drop off and pick ups.

we randomly had this for a few weeks and we twigged it was my DHs behaviour that was giving her the green light and /or amplifying the behaviour.
we did a reset and it resolved quite quickly

we also as a PP said do a lot of positive chat and also some play around what happens at the CM (we use CM not nursery)

Usernameemanresu9 · 18/09/2024 10:25

Oh it's so hard isn't it, my 3 year old was a bit tearful returning after the summer holidays but this week has been a bit easier on him. Mine has a teddy that they take everywhere with them and one thing that really helped with him is saying have you shown teddy the play doh yet or has teddy played with the kitchen or cars? And I would say look after teddy and show it all of your favourite things. When I picked up I would ask what they had done together and he would say that teddy has helped with tidying up etc.

And just giving it time for him to settle although it's heartbreaking for you.

Fizxy · 18/09/2024 11:41

My DD had a wobble at nursery after a few weeks when she started earlier in the year. We did the love hearts drawn on hands/arm tactic and it worked really well. If you've not heard of it before you both draw a heart on your hand/arm (I went for arm so it didn't get washed off) and you tell them that if they miss you that they can give the heart a kiss and you'll give one back etc. When you pick them up you can ask if they gave it a kiss and if they did you can say you know because you felt it and sent one back etc. it's just a way of showing them you're still connected even when apart. There's loads of info about it on Google etc. Worked well for my (also headstrong) DD and we only needed to do it for a few days and she was back to being happy going into nursery again.

Barleysugar86 · 18/09/2024 11:44

My son cried for a few weeks at 3yr old. They rang me to come get him a couple of times as he wasn't settling and I just remember feeling really worried. But then it just clicked and he was going in without anymore than a wave. He ended up loving nursery and school and he is a very happy and confident 8 year old now.

Try and make drop off as quick and businesslike as you can. don't show doubt or worry or emotion it will get him worked up. Give him a job like carrying in his lunch bag and him it light and practical.

Original poster

MumOf2Here · 18/09/2024 13:41

Usernameemanresu9 · 18/09/2024 10:25

Oh it's so hard isn't it, my 3 year old was a bit tearful returning after the summer holidays but this week has been a bit easier on him. Mine has a teddy that they take everywhere with them and one thing that really helped with him is saying have you shown teddy the play doh yet or has teddy played with the kitchen or cars? And I would say look after teddy and show it all of your favourite things. When I picked up I would ask what they had done together and he would say that teddy has helped with tidying up etc.

And just giving it time for him to settle although it's heartbreaking for you.

I will ask the nursery about taking something small like a teddy with them. I did hear from another parent they don’t allow it for whatever reason but I think that’s a good idea. Xx

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Original poster

MumOf2Here · 18/09/2024 13:43

He came out of nursery and the teacher said he settled after about 30 mins or so. the first thing he said when he came out was “ I missed you so much mummy and I cried “ I felt like crying myself at that point but I held myself together and told him he did a good job.
Another parent who saw him crying this morning said wait until the holidays, they’ll settle into nursery and cry all over again when they have to go back after the holidays, and now I’m dreading the holidays 😂
Oh we can’t win can we.

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MumOf2Here · 18/09/2024 13:46

Barleysugar86 · 18/09/2024 11:44

My son cried for a few weeks at 3yr old. They rang me to come get him a couple of times as he wasn't settling and I just remember feeling really worried. But then it just clicked and he was going in without anymore than a wave. He ended up loving nursery and school and he is a very happy and confident 8 year old now.

Try and make drop off as quick and businesslike as you can. don't show doubt or worry or emotion it will get him worked up. Give him a job like carrying in his lunch bag and him it light and practical.

Yeah I agree with not longing out the drop off. I did this yesterday as the TA asked me to come in and settle him, but I felt like that just triggered him even more.
How did you find he was when going in after a couple weeks off holidays xx

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MagpiePi · 18/09/2024 13:51

Im thinking now the novelty of nursery has worn off, he realises this is part of his life now

I have a friend who happily went to school on the first day, back in the 60s when there weren't any settling in periods. He came home for lunch, and then was shocked to find that no only did he have to go back in the afternoon, but was also expected to go every day after that!

I 'm sure your LO will settle in OP, but it is hard leaving them when they are upset.

Original poster

MumOf2Here · 18/09/2024 20:45

MagpiePi · 18/09/2024 13:51

Im thinking now the novelty of nursery has worn off, he realises this is part of his life now

I have a friend who happily went to school on the first day, back in the 60s when there weren't any settling in periods. He came home for lunch, and then was shocked to find that no only did he have to go back in the afternoon, but was also expected to go every day after that!

I 'm sure your LO will settle in OP, but it is hard leaving them when they are upset.

Edited

oh I still remember my mother bringing me home for lunch in he 80’s and having to back confused haha
Thank u
will have to see how the next couple of days go and hope he begins to settle xx

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