Moving my 16 month olds nursery?

[spsignups]

Hey! I am wondering if anybody had any advice as I am so stressed!😩

My son is 16 months old and has always been a very attached child (coslept, breastfed often, always wanted to be carried everywhere etc). He has always had a very strong preference for me so I knew that childcare would be a challenge!

He started at a small nursery 6 months ago for two days a week. Every drop off since he has SCREAMED, grabs my clothes sobbing and they have to take him off of me. It absolutely breaks my heart but I stayed persistent as everybody told me that it would ease quickly.

6 months later and it is still exactly the same! I am often told that he is on and off throughout the day, whingey etc, and when I pick him up he often looks sad and exhausted even if they tell me he has had a good day. He needs 2 naps there rather than the 1 as he gets so upset in the mornings.

I have a place at a Montessori Forest School so am wondering whether to move him, but also wondering if it's even more upheaval for no reason if he will be this way anywhere!

My main concerns with his current setting are:

• The room is mixed age 6 months to 3 years. I wonder how they can entertain the toddlers when having to give bottles and get little babies to nap throughout the day.
• We don't get any app/paper updates except the occasional 'he had two naps' at handover, so I never know what he has done throughout the day, whether he has eaten much etc.
• It is a 'home from home' environment but as a result doesn't seem to have any structure or routine. My son enjoys structure and is easily bored. Am I expecting too much here perhaps?
• The staff are absolutely LOVELY and very experienced. I trust them 1000% which is why I chose the setting (major fear of choking etc but don't worry about that here!). But they are all aged 50/60+. I may be overthinking here (and absolutely no judgement at all, merely a theory!) but I imagine the environment being very different to home life as I am 24. He doesn't seem to have bonded with anybody.

What would you do?? 😫 Has anybody had success moving a child's nursery at this age? Or do some children find it difficult wherever they go? I'm so stressed and feel crazily guilty! I don't want him to be distressed every morning when he realises where he is going. So sad!

Any advice appreciated- thank you so much! 💛

If he's not smiling at pick up, move him. Often children cry at drop off, but if the don't seem happy when you pick them up they are communicating that something is wrong

I moved my daughters nursery at age 2. I had the option of moving her then or at aged 3 ready for the nursery to be a school wrap around service, but I chose it at 2 as she was younger and not as aware of the change as she would be at 3 and about to start school. Best move I did. Took a few weeks off settling but she absolutely loves it and now she's settled ready for school.

I took my DC1 out of nursery at 2yr 3months as I was on mat leave with DC2.
I decided whilst they were off, that I wasn't sending them back to that nursery (they were happy, staff great etc, but was being sent home for 'illness' a lot).
Started at a new nursery when they were 2yrs 10months.
So I know a little older than your little one. But they adapted to the change well!

If it’s been 6 months and he still hasn’t fully settled then it’s not the right environment for him and I would move him.

Lack of structure doesn’t necessarily equal boredom, especially at 16 months. Most learning happens during play and play is so important for children of EYFS age. Also, lack of structure doesn’t mean lack of routine.

The age of the staff doesn’t really come into it, yes you are young but I’m guessing you have older family member who your lo spends time with? You will likely find the staff have been working there a fair while too which can only be a good thing.

Theres a risk of you move lo to a forest school type setting but equally he may gain a lot from it. I do think you will have further struggles ahead due to co sleeping, being carried around a lot etc. not that any of the that is wrong, it can just take kids longer to settle down. Any setting will struggle to carry around an individual child a lot as they have the other children to consider too.

Hi @spsignups please could I ask what you decided to do with your son’s nursery, and how he is doing now? I feel as if we are in a somewhat similar situation and I feel a bit stuck. I’d be so grateful and I hope all is going well. Thank you.