To be upset DD goes to Nursery rather than Grandparents

[humble12]

Jusy that really.
We have a DD who is now 21 months and started nursery at 11 months 2 weeks for 2 full days. DH and I both work in hospital based jobs. DH husband passed away, My mum still works and financially wants to continue. We also live in a different city. So our DD ended up going to nursery.
My sister has also had a DD now who is 9 months and she is now going to work. But her husbands parents are retired and will be doing childcare.

I feel sad my DD has to go through nursery, get the coughs and cold. has gotten a small molluscum spot whicH I feel she probably for it from there. Got scratched once at nursery. Feel like my poor baby couldn’t get as good childcare as her cousin.

Been feeling incredibly guilty and crying. Anybody as ever had any similar experience?

It is sad, but it's life. At least you've managed to keep them at home until 2.

So you feel bad that you are NOT using your parents as free childcare, not letting them carry on working when they want/need to or enjoy their retirement, that you are not denying your child social interaction, that you are not getting her used to being cared for by others.

Get a grip.

She only does two days and nursery is great for children, it gives them lots of confidence for when they start school. She still has 5 days a week when she isn't there so she has the best of both worlds.

OP, I'm wondering if the way you feel was prompted by any comments you received?
There's someone in my life who says that nurseries are awful, don't look after children and how she chose to raise her children herself while others pay money to strangers to raise their children. When I was getting ready to return to work after mat leave, I couldn't be around this person. She also keeps the child indoors and the said child doesn't socialise with other children and won't do until they start school, however, she definitely looks down on people using nurseries and say they don't raise their children themselves.

If you have someone like that in your life who's trying to guilt trip you, ignore it.

When I had mine, my dad was dead, my mum was working FT, and my in-laws were too old to offer childcare, so nursery was my only choice. I don’t feel sad or mad about it.

yabu. Every childcare option has its pros and cons. We actually had the option of paying grandparents for full time childcare and decided after weighing up pros and cons of each that nursery would be the better option for our child.

Send them to a childminder so it’s home from home rather than an impersonal nursery.

Those coughs and colds that your DD is getting now are building up her immune system so she will get fewer of them when she goes to school. She either gets them now or she gets them then. So shielding her now would only result in disruption to your life and her education she's older. Kindly, you're being riduculous!

Nursery is good for them. Good for their immune system, good for their social lives, good for their development doing loads of educational play and communicating with their peers. They get to play with the massive toys without the hassle of storing them. Get used to a school like environment before they actually have to go. I think you're not really considering the good things about nursery.

Less impersonal?

I didn’t find nursery like that at all. In fact my child had a key person who only had 3 or 4 children to care for, and all the staff knew all the kids very well.

compared to the childminders I saw at school drop offs where all the babies were loaded into buggies, several preschoolers, their own kids, and the school age children. Childminders can have up to 6 kids of different ages.

there are pros and cons but some nurseries will be better than a childminder, and some kids will be better suited to a nursery. And vice versa of course. But one is not better than the other.

Retired grandparents chasing after 20 month olds? Horrible thing to expect an offer Is a different story.

IME the children that had never gone to nursery got every bug going once they started school.

In my experience GPs are highly likely to just stick CBeebies on all day long and feed a steady stream of chocolate and sweets.

Childcare from grandparents is very rarely free. It has all sorts of costs to both sides, even if they are not financial!

Are you on a wind-up? Nurseries are not impersonal.

Both mine went to nursery.
Upside they were hardly ever ill at primary. Both are now great, kind, well socialised high achievers. That may equally have happened if they had been with grandparents.

My dd stayed in touch with her very first best friend , someone she has known since she was 9 months and met at nursey. They never went to school together. She's now 22. Apparently they met up last week when friend was in her town and went out. Its now drinks rather than soft play.

If you're feeling guilty they have to go to nursery, how come you don't wish you could be at home rather than wish that they could be looked after by their grandparents?
I don't think there's any difference btw, I think both have pros and cons and as long as they're being cared for it doesn't really matter. I'm just curious, why grandparents particularly?

I agree. I’m sure a lot of those using grandparents for childcare feel guilt that they’re restricted in what they can do due to regularly having to look after children that they didn’t decide to have.
You’d just be swapping one set of guilty feelings for another if you were using grandparents for childcare

Nursery or childminders offer lots of great things! Does your daughter get to build relationships with extended family. A grandparent can spoil kids but this cant happen if your reggular child care

Mine went to nursery as that was my preference
Too many downsides for me for grandparents to do the childcare

This is silly. Mine were at nursery 3 days a week from a year old and loved it. Now they're older (8 and 6) and PIL have been doing one after school for a couple of years and plenty of ad hoc days. My parents are further away but if they visit in the holidays usually do a few days of childcare while we're working.

Wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't have wanted mine to miss out on all the nursery friendships and resources.

The nursery / gp argument is a red herring. You will drive yourself mad if you carry on with the guilt mindset about your child. At every stage there will be families in different situations than you able to offer more to their child than you can.

Your child is very lucky, she has a nice balance of time at with children her own age and time at home with a parent.

I chose for my DD to go to nursery 3 days a week rather than be minded by grandparents which was offered. Obviously everyone's individuals circumstances are unique to them but in my circumstances, I really needed the consistency and reliability of nursery. It was an outstanding nursery though which I absolutely loved. Honestly, OP the grass isn't always greener and it's unlikely your sister will be 100% happy 100% of the time with the childcare she's chosen. Just focus on the positives of nursery.

My parents heavily depended on my grandparents for childcare. My grandparents loved us but they could not do all the activities that were offered at nursery and after school clubs and we just spent hours and hours in front of the TV while grandparents got on with jobs around the house and drank tea with their friends. They did play with us as well but I remember always dreading the summer holidays when I was at primary school as it would normally mean 6 weeks at grandmas house with the occasional trip to the supermarket or the park.

In my opinion children are better off at nursery where they have the dedicated attention of trained professionals who know how to stimulate them in an age appropriate way.